Entries Tagged as 'Illinois'

The milk chocolate…not in your hand

February 12th, 2012 · 32 Comments

There’s a vending machine troll on the loose in Chicago!

My Peanut M&Ms got stuck, so I'd either like my 80 cents back or my peanut M&Ms. Thanks! Deanna Response: I GOT 2 PEANUT M&Ms FOR THE PRICE OF 1! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEDNESDAY!

related: The Candyman Can’t

Tags: candy · Chicago · smartass · vending machine drama

Public Displays of Long-Distance Affection

December 18th, 2011 · 46 Comments

Ryan came home from work tonight and found this taped to the front door of his Chicago apartment building.

It could be worse, of course. Adds Ryan, “At least she plays nice guitar.”

To the guy who lives at the south end of the building and skypes his girlfriend every night at 3am: Hey man, I know you and your girlfriend are in different time zones, and I understand you have to talk to her EVERY NIGHT AT 2-4 AM, but could you please keep your voice down, and maybe use a headphone instead of the speaker? It's nice that your girlfriend has a beautiful singing voice and plays nice guitar, but I really can't appreciate her performance at this ungodly hour. I've been waken [sic] up three nights in a row by you guys and I sincerely hope it won't turn into a full season of your personal American idol show. PLEASE USE A HEADPHONE! Thank you. Someone who only gets 4 hours of sleep these days.

related: Toto, I have a feeling we’re not at band camp anymore

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · noise · sleeping

Urban Warfare

November 27th, 2011 · 82 Comments

Perhaps the neighbors are Skyrim fans?

Dear Neighbors, I apologize for any loud

related: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Call of Duty on pause

extra credit: ‘Modern Warfare’ removes one team’s call of duty [wtop.com]

Tags: gaming · Illinois · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · p.s. · the po-po

So close, and yet…

September 1st, 2011 · 99 Comments

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

You pick up the dog crap, but insist on leaving it next to the garbage can. I don't understand.

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

OLD LADY If I Catch You In The Act Of Putting Your Dogs Crap In Our Cans. I Will Cut Off Your Head And Bolt It To The Hood Of My Car

related: This is not a trash can

Tags: Chicago · dogs · excessive capitalization · garbage · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · recycling · shit · You call that punctuation?

Short fuses over shorted fuses

July 14th, 2011 · 85 Comments

Well, here’s another one to file under I didn’t even know that was a thing.

Explains our submitter in Chicago: “We live in a VERY old building with a lot of electrical problems. Apparently, one of the tenants is blowing fuses daily and switching their blown fuses out with other units’ working ones. Crazy.”

Dear Jerkface who keeps stealing fuses, 1) You're a jerkface. 2) Fuses are expensive. You would know that if you went out and bought some instead of stealing other people's. 3) You obviously have some type of electrical issue that needs to be addressed. Call the management company before you burn down the building. Thanks!

related: This is not a thing! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · nice stationery · stealing · that's a fire hazard

Praying for rain (and/or the end of the world)

May 21st, 2011 · 30 Comments

Dan in Chicago spotted this unexpected gem in the “comments from our readers” section of the Chicago Tribune weather page.

Right now it is not raining, but I am really counting on it to rain, because I am not in the mood to go to my son's little league game.

related: No money, no trophy

Tags: Chicago · Moms & Dads · posted online

Roommate wanted: NO OLDS!

March 27th, 2011 · 49 Comments

To the genius in Illinois who posted this want ad: if your experience interviewing random would-be roommates hasn’t convinced you already, our archives provides ample proof than “bitchy” is far from synonymous with “old.”

Roommate Needed ASAP No Old people please I don't need a bitchy old roommate. lv. message 450 per mo.

related: Snowed in? Come meet your neighbors! (Unless you’re like, old.)

Tags: Illinois · old folks · roommates

Less expensive (and more passive-aggressive) than having it towed

February 8th, 2011 · 76 Comments

For all practical purposes, the way New York City handles vehicles parked on the wrong side of the street…

This vehicle violates N.Y.C. parking regulations. As a result, this street could not be properly cleaned. A cleaner New York is up to you! Remove with warm water and scraper. Please do not litter.

…really isn’t that different from the strategy employed by this creative vigilante in Illinois. (As always, just click the image to enlarge.)

[In peanut butter:] less expensive than having it towed [Smaller:] We are happy to oblige our friends and neighbors with the use of our lot, please ask in advance. Thanks.

“Remove with warm water”?” Yeah…good luck with that.

related: Can you dig it?

Tags: car · Illinois · New York · parking

Dear Bad Mood Customer

February 2nd, 2011 · 52 Comments

“The Lakeview area doesn’t have the most convenient post office locations, so many people just stop in at this shipping center,” says Zach in Chicago. “This sign is well known in the neighborhood.” (Indeed, I’ve gotten photos of it from at least five different submitters.)

“The lady who served me seemed nice,” says Leigh, “but I guess people aren’t so nice to her.” Meanwhile, Casey, another submitter, says: “the little lady actually picks fights with customers! She charged me astronomical prices for shipping books and when I asked her about it, she started yelling at me.” I guess that’s the convenience charge?

Dear Bad Mood Customer if you don't like our price just go other place for your business. Don't make our day not peaceful by only less than $1.00 more and your dirty words. Life is so short to be ? by your too little. Thank you.

Dear Bad Mood Customer if you don't like our price just go other place for your business. Don't make our day not peaceful by only less than $1.00 more and your dirty words. Life is so short to be ? by your too little. Thank you.

related: Service with a snarl

Tags: "customer service" · actually totally reasonable · CAPS LOCK · Chicago · Clearly a non-native English speaker · high on highlighter

Please take me at my word that I’ve been working out lately

November 10th, 2010 · 49 Comments

Our anonymous submitter didn’t catch the original note about “slaming [sic] the door,” but you can get a pretty good idea of what it said based on the carefully worded response from the recipient, John (who, like Dustin, simply isn’t aware of his own strength at times).

Dear Sir or Madam: Hello. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I would like to offer you my most profound apologies for having slammed the door last night. I have to tell you that I honestly wasn't aware that I do this; I always thought that I used a normal amount of force when closing the door, although I have been working out lately. Please take me at my word when I now say that I will be more conscious of my door closing from here forward. However, in the event that you do have more problems with me, I would greatly appreciate it if you were to approach me directly, rather that resort to another hasty and quite confrontational handwritten note that, to be quite frank, had all the potential to be taken as offensive. I am sure that you will understand where I am coming from. Once again, thank you for your correspondence and I appreciate your anticipated co-operation. Most sincerely, John [Redacted] Apt. 108

Meanwhile, this note, as seen by Felix in Atlanta, was clearly left by a neighbor without a law degree.

(I’m guessing a dog; cats are way more passive-aggressive.)

Dear Neighbor, Please, PLEASE stop by and say hello. We can clear this up right away without having to leave sneaky notes. Thanks! I look forward to chatting [Paw print]

related: Door-slamming sign slam

Tags: Atlanta · Illinois · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · opening/closing · rebuttals · thanks (but not really)