Entries Tagged as 'Illinois'

Thanks for the geography lesson, Dad!

November 2nd, 2009 · 147 Comments

Our anonymous submitter from Chicago says she and her four siblings recently received this somewhat cryptic e-mail from dear old dad.

Explains A: “The initials refer to our names (and spouses’ names, where applicable). Dad lives in West Bloomfield. I’m pretty sure it means he wants us to visit?”

thanks for the geography lesson, dad!

related: love, Dad

Tags: e-mail · Father-daughter notes · guilt trip · Illinois · Moms & Dads

Buy curtains. Please.

October 5th, 2009 · 162 Comments

Writes Michael in Chicago: “Apparently, some of our neighbors had a problem with us being naked in our apartment.” Without knowing any other details of this situation, I’d have to say:

a) “Be more private with yourself” is a phrase I am going to try to work into future conversations whenever possible.

b) Michael, while I 100% support your right to bare all in your own home…curtains still might be a worthwhile investment.

problems with the nude

Meanwhile, Scott in Seattle found this note taped to the front door of his apartment building. “Needless to say,” Scott adds, the next time he saw the large bald man from the third floor in the building’s laundry room, “it was a touch awkward.”

i know you have shades...so don't masturbate in front of your windows!

related: get your “nozzle” off my “hose”

extra credit: man arrested for being naked in his own home [WTOP news]

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Chicago · neighbors

Recession incentive plan

July 9th, 2009 · 160 Comments

Writes Katrina in Illinois: “I work in furniture, and due to the economy/the real estate crash, the company has been struggling and a lot of employees have been making a lot less money.  This little morale booster was found on the break room bulletin board — right beside the letter notifying us that the company was no longer matching 401(k) contributions.”

To all Employees: New incentive plan: work - or get fired!

related: “That’s what she said”

Tags: fired · high on highlighter · Illinois · now that's management

J-school today: from a dying medium to a dead horse

June 4th, 2009 · 119 Comments

This note — spotted by Erik in a break room at Northwestern‘s Medill School of Journalism — takes me back to my days as a bright-eyed young reporter cheerfully slaving away at my college daily, where the grizzled old alumni “mentors” working at the Times or the Globe always seemed to have the same advice:  if we were smart, we’d get the hell out of journalism before it was too late. (“Ha ha,” we’d laugh, awkwardly.) It’s somehow reassuring to know that kids today (“kids today!”) are still blithely ignoring their elders to pursue a degree that just might be the most unnecessary in higher education.

But seriously now. At this point, you’re like, “What is this biotch rambling on about? Doesn’t she know I don’t read text longer than 140 characters at a time? Show me the picture, dammit!” And that, young j-schoolers, is the topic of next week’s lecture.

from medill journalism school: put your twitter articles here so you can stop spamming our inboxes

related: the silverware segregationist

extra credit: the twitter explosion [american journalism review]

Tags: Chicago · college life · kids today · thanks (but not really) · xoxo

The Candyman Can’t

March 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

“One morning last summer,” writes Stephanie in Illinois, “my brother and I arrived at the company where we worked to find these notes posted to the candy vending machine. (Mind you, it was 8:45 a.m.) Apparently, the man who fills the vending machines — a.k.a ‘Mr. Candyman’ — had failed to restock the machine for a week, and the ladies of the office had had enough.”

I mean, really. we’re talking about a serious breach of the social contract here, people!

A [sic] Empty Machine is Unaceptable [sic]! Mr. Candyman, you did not keep your WORD! This machine has been empty since Tues last week.

Stephanie and I were both particularly tickled by the the “gas prices” note at top right. (“What does that even mean?” she wonders.)

Gas prices are high but that doesn't do much when our stomach starts to growl!! Hungry!!

Meanwhile, Lisa in Nashville spotted this note posted on the vending machine in the studio arts building at Vanderbilt University. “There had been many previous notes asking (nicely) for more Twizzlers,” Lisa says, but as desperation set in, at least one distraught staff member decided to get lyrical on Candyman’s ass.

Candyman, oh candyman...,Where have you gone? The twizzler slot is empty. Oh yes, we have none. What burden we bear, what sadness we hold, for we thought twizzlers we soon would behold.

related: The Pepsi Challenge

Tags: candy · food · Illinois · office · pleasantries as afterthought · questionable logic · raging against the machine · sad face · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama

I’m not a doctor, but I was an extra on ER once?

December 3rd, 2008 · 151 Comments

Jen says this liquor store in Chicago’s Lincoln Square is completely plastered with notes like these, but — vexingly enough — the guy at the register was such a hawk she was only able to snap a few photos. Happily, I’d say Jen scored a hat trick for insolence with these three.

i'm not a doctor, but i was on extra on ER once...

vexing and insolent!

please refer to Strunk & White for further explanation

related: Free markets, free people, free papers

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · cell phone · Chicago · irregular capitalization · obnoxious definition

The silverware segregationist

November 13th, 2008 · 166 Comments

I’d say this whiteboard notice — from a student at Northwestern University in Evanston, illinois — is neck-and-neck with this for “most unnecessary and inappropriate analogy ever.”

Ever notice how, in Plex, the Asians are in one hall, the Latinos in another, and the black in another still? The silverware's like that too. The knives + spoons don't want to live together.

‘Plex, by the way, refers to (in the words of our anonymous submitter, the note’s recipient) a Northwestern residence hall, Foster Walker Complex, “that’s full of disinterested seniors and minorities.”

(Sigh)

Change is on the way?

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: a little insensitive · Chicago · college life · Illinois · roommates · whiteboard

Next on fish with low self-esteem

November 9th, 2008 · 139 Comments

“As a college student used to her freedom, I’m sometimes gone for days at a time when I’m home for the summer,” explains Jesse from Gurnee, Illinois, admitting that during this time, her betta fish, Freddie Mercury, tends to go unfed.

“My 14-year old-sister has shown him mercy a a few times,” Jesse says, and admirably, “she’s never asked for thanks.” But Freddie, it seems, has had just about enough of this neglect.

Tiffany fed me, no thanks to you. Do you want me dead? Just feed me to the cat.

related: Through a glass bowl, darkly
extra credit: “You can call me the manatee!” [youtube]

Tags: anthropomorphism · family · guilt trip · Illinois · most popular notes of 2008

The sink half-empty

September 4th, 2008 · 66 Comments

Our anonymous submitter sneakily snapped a photo of the whiteboard at a friend’s house in Urbana, Illinois.

Guys, can we stop leaving dishes on the edge of the sink + just put them in the sink or better yet in the dishwasher?

related: Oh sweetie, I love it when you talk dirty!

Tags: dishes · dishwasher · excessive underlining · Illinois · rebuttals · roommates · signed with love · Urbana · whiteboard

Scatological Poetry Slam

July 22nd, 2008 · 223 Comments

Given the highly intellectual discussions this site’s commenters have become known for, it seems safe to assume that the question, “How are we to judge poetry?”  is one that you, dear reader, have no doubt pondered on many an occasion, along with other more academic concerns such as the proper resting state of the toilet lid.

Well, as the late Philip Larkin once said, “I think a poet should be judged by what he does with his subjects, not by what his subjects are.” With that in mind, which of these poets would you judge “less likely to make you totally vom”?

Is it this one, from a university campus in Toronto?

Dear Ladies, Please be kind to our noses by flushing during doses of Nature's secondary call when it's smelliest of all. To wail till the end, won't make you any friends, as the smell lingers here in this room with no air. So next time you must answer to Nature's rush for whatever doth ail ye, flush so we don't suffer daily. Thank you.

…or is it this one, spotted by Kacey at the YMCA in the college town of Champaign, Illinois?

STOOL RULES: If you want your stay to be real nice nice/After the deposit - flush it twice/When the paper work is done/Flush once more - it can be fun!!/Heed my words in what you do/Or all you've done - comes back to you

related:  A limerick

extra credit: The Poet of Dirty Words: Reconsidering Philip Larkin [slate.com]

Tags: Canada · Illinois · odor · office · pure poetry · toilet · Toronto