Entries Tagged as 'Iowa'

So that’s what they mean by “makes mouths happy”

November 16th, 2014 · 6 Comments

Karen in Council Bluffs, Iowa spotted this unsigned note taped to the vending machine in the office breakroom. It sounds like somebody certainly got their 75 cents worth, no?

with regard to the twizzlers nibs...I opened the package and gnawed on the first three I put in my mouth and, as expected, they were chewy. But there was more. There was this strangle tingly sensation in my mouth that I have never quite encountered before. That wasn't so bad though as it was countered by the euphoric high with brilliant colors swirling about. Unfortunately, the comedown was bad.

related: Raging against the (vending) machine

Tags: candy · Iowa · office · vending machine drama

This is not an all legs buffet.

July 11th, 2012 · 75 Comments

“Apparently chicken legs can cause quite the hullabaloo in a small town,” notes our submitter in Iowa.

!!BUFFET NOTICE!! We do our best to provide all pieces of chicken on our buffet. We offer a chicken buffet, not a

related: Sushi buffet rules

Tags: Iowa · most popular notes of 2012 · restaurant · small town living · stealing

Your “constructive” criticism is a little off-putting

March 12th, 2012 · 67 Comments

This was the “constructive criticism” Peter received from a classmate on his latest creative writing assignment. (Doesn’t it make you really want to read the whole paper?)

This paper is very choppy and unclear. It is written more like a long winded rant in you exact manner of speaking than an essay. You tend to make run-on sentences and overuse commas, on top of including minute details which make the paper boring & dry, which is a bummer since the topic is interesting. You also tell it in a very arrogant manner, it seems like you think you're really cool for this. Try not to sound like you're such a special snowflake, it's very off-putting.

related: So you were hoping to get an A for “asshole-like entitlement?”

 

Tags: college life · Iowa · most popular notes of 2012 · way harsh

Dear parents: this is what you WON’T be hearing from your newly minted college grads

May 22nd, 2011 · 39 Comments

(After all, once they’ve moved back home into their old bedrooms, they can just raid your liquor cabinet and sneak bills from your wallet, just like old times!)

Meanwhile, this note/social critique was spotted by James in downtown Iowa City, “amid dozens of bars and thousands of over-privileged young suburbanites.”

Dear dad, please stop sending me your money; I'll just use it to buy booze.

If, however, your entrepreneurial kiddos do decide to strike out their own, you might want to keep tabs on the Sudafed in the medicine cabinet. (Especially if “on their own” means “the room above the garage.”)

I don't have a meth lab (Never ever) LEAVE ME ALONE

related: Your daughter is a substance abuser and a PLAYER!

Tags: art · beer · college life · drugs · graffiti · Iowa · Moms & Dads · money

The most pitiful folk song never written

September 25th, 2010 · 35 Comments

Monica in Iowa City, do-gooder that she is, volunteers with a friendly visiting program at the local senior living center. And while Monica’s no stranger to old folks and their antics, even she was struck by the sight of this heartbreakingly despondent note on one resident’s door.

Why did you Take my Humming Bird? Why did you crumple up my map of Mother Earth?

I couldn’t help but think of poor Snowman, the ill-fated pony from the German petting zoo (and as I see it, kindred spirit to this old lady in Iowa). I picture them kvetching together in heaven someday, asking “Why? Why? Why?” for all eternity.

Why did you feed me to death?

related: The zen koan of a Jewish grandmother

Tags: animal welfare · Iowa · old folks

You’re not wrong, Walter

July 13th, 2009 · 132 Comments

Writes Justin in Iowa: “This was written by a coworker of mine last winter, and covers three sides of the tissue box. The tissues are long gone, but the box was apparently worth saving, and remains on the desk five months later.”

Passive Aggressive Puffs Plus

The full text: I had a cold/cough & I decided to buy some Puffs kleenex w/ lotion. Believe it or not, they’re not cheap so I’m not sharing. But hey, they still have some at the store so you could always go buy your own you know. Seriously, only because these are a little costly I’m not sharing, otherwise, you’d be all good. But again, they’re not CHEAP! How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever”? B/c my last box… OMG! got used up so fast & it wasn’t even by me! I was so hot about it, and I know you can afford it b/c I can. I know you’re not broke b/c you work the same place I do, am I right or am I right?

related: suck on this

Tags: Iowa · money · office · sharing is caring

Facebook schoolyard smackdown

April 1st, 2008 · 105 Comments

“Vet school is a sea of studying, testing, drinking and most of all: DRAMA,” reports an anonymous vet-to-be in Ames, Iowa.

Of course, as New York magazine reports this week, Facebook is taking run-of-the-mill classroom sniping to a whole new level of micro-bitchiness. If you have the patience (or the Adderall) to follow it, our submitter gives us a play-by-play of one recent status-update smackdown.

Jessika really wishes people would STOP asking questions at the review sessions, please stop wasting everyone's time because you are dumb!

Vanessa thinks people who think people are dumb should not be in professional school.

Naomi doesn't understand why ppl are upset for others asking questions during a review section. Gee, I wonder what a review section IS for???

You should really think before you "facebook" your thoughts

Vanessa hopes her classmate's future clients get better treatment than their fellow colleagues.

DRAMA IS AWESOME, WE NEED MORE!

related: So obsessed that I’m becoming a bore

Tags: Facebook · group bitchfest · Iowa · kids today · saga

If we give up our exclamation points, the terrorists win!!!

January 30th, 2008 · 62 Comments

“The tiny Sioux City, Iowa airport had a jaw-droppingly comprehensive intro to what one could or could not take on board a plane,” reports Timoni from San Francisco, including actual sample-sized bottles of toiletries taped up, show-and-tell style. “The corker, though, was this vehement note near the end (which, yes, had a plastic QUART-SIZE BAG!!!!!!!!! taped underneath).”

You need to separate your QUART SIZE BAG and have it X-RAYED BY IT'S SELF!!!!!!!!!

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge

Tags: airport · apostrophe abuse · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Sioux City · spelling and grammar police

Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

September 30th, 2007 · 99 Comments

Presenting, for your analysis, this anonymous contribution from a hair salon in Bettendorf, Iowa (pop. 32,394). For the scatologically inclined vandal (and for Putz’s owner) the unconscious issues at play appear to be anything but borderline. College psych majors: care to address which stage of psychosexual development is associated with passive-aggressiveness?

To the Poop Planting Bandit

related: I can’t stand this shit anymore

UPDATE: Here’s a little more backstory on the situation from our note’s submitter. (Warning: this might confuse more than it illuminates.)

the owner of a salon i work at posted this for the individual that had placed dog poop in the corridor that is shared by other businesses. they left the feces in the hallway shortly after her and her st. bernard, putz, arrived to work. putz goes everywhere with her. for the past eight months he’s grown tremendously, and his massive size at this point has freaked out other store owners. putz sleeps in the back room and he has suburb potty training skills — and his owner always picks up after him.

the landlord approached her [re: the feces in the hallway] and said he was very bothered by the possible health code concern. he later told her not to worry about it, seeing how it was totally impossible for putz to let himself out the back door, take a dump in the corridor, then turn around and open the door to let himself back in.

someone kept tearing down her note, so she added the written message at the bottom.

Tags: dogs · Freudian shit · Iowa · office · rebuttals · shit

This room is protected by the Constitution

June 7th, 2007 · 75 Comments

This isn’t just a note — it’s a work of art. And it’s about 100 shades of amazing.

I’ll let Rich explain: “I had a party at my house once in college, and one of our roommates who was going to be gone was really scared that someone was going to sleep in his bed. so, instead of, you know, telling us not to use his room, he decided to post this hilarious note that only an aspiring personal injury lawyer could produce.”

This room is protected by the Constitution

I don't care if you just want a place to sleep STAY OUT. This is room is protected as later defined from trespassing. There is privileged information contain within.

Being in this room may be a violation of some or all of the following

Penalties Defined - per Iowa code + Federal law

related: CARE — it makes a difference

Tags: "helpful" advice · college life · excessive underlining · Iowa · more like crazy · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · roommates · TL;DR · touching