Entries Tagged as 'Louisiana'

The passive-aggressive mailbox prankster

December 15th, 2010 · 43 Comments

Stuffing your neighbor’s mailbox with a bag of dog poo/a dead rodent/a hundred boxes of orange tic-tacs? So amateur. If you really want to drive someone crazy, try repeatedly scratching out her name and writing “VACANT” over it instead. Apparently, it works like a charm.

Dear whoever keeps finding it necessary to inform the mail carrier my apartment is vacant, It is not. I do live here and have a need to receive my mail. Please mind your own business and stop fucking around in other people's mail boxes.  Sincerely, Apt. D

related: Stop ordering McDonald’s and then not answering your door!

Tags: going postal · i before e · irregular capitalization · neighbors · New Orleans

Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

September 20th, 2010 · 46 Comments

Which is your favorite ode to replacing the roll?

Entry #1, from Baltimore?

Toilet Paper Haiku: Quietly I sit. Waiting silently. Drip dry. The roll is missing.

Entry #2, from New Orleans?

THE TOILET PAPER THEIF [sic]: The toilet paper theif [sic] is at it again! This is so frustrating I don't know where to begin...You would think that for people so grown...That they would not steal toilet paper for reasons unknown...It is always the brand new roll and never the old...Also, the can of Lysol disappeared, or so I was told... My plea is simple, please do not disregard...Stop stealing the toilet paper you Fucking Retard!!

or Entry #3, from Long Island City?

DOUCHE!

related: Scatological poetry slam

Tags: Baltimore · bathroom · ellipses-crazed · excessive capitalization · New Orleans · pure poetry · Queens · spelling and grammar police · toilet paper

God’s word is…well, a little confusing, at least for a 7-year-old.

July 18th, 2010 · 49 Comments

Larissa in Tacoma, Washington recently sent her 7-year-old son, Silas, to a week of Bible camp. When he came home, Larissa says, she wondered if the experience hadn’t left him a bit…conflicted…especially after seeing the pillow he made during craft time.

(“Rouls,” by the way, is not Silas’s last name. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “RULES.”)

Silas [rules] —  God's Word is Comforting —  DOOM

Meanwhile, I can see how the sign below, from a candy store in Rayne, Louisiana — which I assume was intended to deter this theft — could easily send a particular type of child into a tailspin of religious guilt.

Is God smiling? How do I know if God’s smiling? Does God like chocolate? I don’t think chocolate’s in the Bible. But Proverbs says: ‘My child, eat honey, for it is good.’ So maybe I should get a Bit o’ Honey instead. But a Bit o’ Honey costs more than 50 cents, and Mom said I could only spend 50 cents. So then I’d be dishonoring my parents, and that wouldn’t make God happy. So maybe I should…maybe I should….[bursts into tears]

Remember...God is watching you. Is He smiling or is He sad?

related: What Would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar?

Tags: candy · God · guilt trip · Jesus · kids · Louisiana · not so much passive-aggressive · retail hell · Tacoma

Roommate revenge on wheels

June 15th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Heather saw this car parked in her Takoma Park, Maryland neighborhood, while Heather spotted the truck below in New Orleans. Perhaps Stephanie and Michael can form a support group with Rene Hall?

Stephanie [redacted] appropriates other people's property and destroys other people's belongings

Michael [redacted] Parks Like An Idiot

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

Tags: car · graffiti · New Orleans · parking · Takoma Park

Oh, I’m curious all right

January 14th, 2010 · 120 Comments

The curious note was posted in the women’s bathroom of New Orleans City Hall…leaving many unanswered questions behind.

Please be curious

Mad Libs, anyone?

related: Blame it on Dayton

Tags: CAPS LOCK · malapropisms · New Orleans · spelling and grammar police · toilet

When nature calls

January 2nd, 2008 · 128 Comments

I thought it was pretty crazy when Jessie sent in this sign from a thrift store in Wilmington, North Carolina a few months years back…

PLEASE DO NOT USE DRESSING ROOMS AS A RESTROOM IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY ASK FOR MANAGER. No utilice por favor los cuartos de preparacion como banos. En caso de que una emergencia, pida encargado.

Then Ashley sent in this eerily similar note from a thrift store in Barnegat, New Jersey. “The first time I noticed it, there was only one note,” Ashley says. “Weeks later, when I came back to photograph it, they had added a second. Obviously, just the one note on the door wasn’t getting the point across. How do they know that the perp doesn’t only speaks French? That could be the reason for the recurring problem.”

This is NOT a restroom. If you have an urgent necessary JUST ASK. You can use our restroom.

And still, it continues!

Alice saw one at a thrift store in Tennessee…

When I catch the low life piece of trash (And I will) using my dressing room to urineate in, instead of the bathroom, I will have you arrested. You are a vile, disgusting person and if you don't like this message, Come See Me! Owner Mangr

Caity in New Orleans spotted another at Goodwill in Covington, Louisiana…

THIS IS NOT A RESTROOM.  Ask cashier for directions to restroom.  DO NOT use fitting room to use for restroom.  Management

And now this, from Stephanie in Wichita, Kansas. Says Stephanie: “For years at our neighborhood DAV thrift store there’s been a dressing room that has smelled like pee. Turns out we weren’t imagining it!”

Please Don't Use Our Dressing Rooms As A Bathroom....Thank You

Seriously, what is it about thrift store fitting rooms?

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Tags: Kansas · Louisiana · New Jersey · North Carolina · piss · retail hell · shit · Tennessee · that's disgusting · Wilmington · WTF?

Blame it on Coke

December 6th, 2007 · 158 Comments

Casey from Shreveport, Louisiana spotted this on the Coke machine in the office break room. she clarifies: “Henry G.’s comment is in reference to the increase in price, not Katie’s wanting more Coke Zero.”

Due to the rising cost of soft drinks, the price of drinks has gone up to $1.25. We are sorry for the inconvenience this may cause. (! want COKE ZERO back! I'll buy more, I promise.)

Meanwhile, Breanna in L.A. saw this somewhat amusing notice in a liquor store on the corner of Hollywood and Wine. (“Did someone pee on it?” she wonders.)

Sorry for the incontinent, Coke Company has neglected to repair the cooler.

related: I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade?

Tags: Coke · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · not my fault · office · raging against the machine · Say wha? · Shreveport · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama

That shit is disrespectful.

May 20th, 2007 · 51 Comments

Mike gets the last word in this exchange.

WTF Mike, I just sat in some piss on the seat. Clean up after yourself! That shit is disrespectful. -KreggOh please. Last I used the toilet I was sitting, reading a book. Am I to hear I have magical flying piss now? Let's not even get me started on cleanliness issues, shall we? And honestly, stop it w/ the passive-aggressive notes and walk-by accusations. "that shit is disrespectful" -Mike

Tags: bathroom · Baton Rouge · meta · piss · roommates · that's disrespectful · toilet