Entries Tagged as 'Maryland'

A Mother’s Day Report Card

May 5th, 2011 · 37 Comments

Jill from Baltimore is in her early 30s now, so she has enough distance from her childhood self to laugh at the passive-aggressiveness of this Mother’s Day card she made when she 11 or 12. “I love that I used Mother’s Day as an opportunity to not only tell my mom how great she is, but also to not-so-subtly point out her shortcomings.”

Report Card For: Mom Helping me with Math homework - Average Playing Tennis - Excellent Cleaning Laundry - Excellent Being a Mom - Excellent!!! Cooking Dinner - N/A Shopping for my clothes - Great Taking me Places - Great

(If you were wondering about the “NA,” Dad did the cooking.)

related: Happy F’ing Mother’s Day!

Tags: Baltimore · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2011 · Mother's Day · Mother-daughter notes

The Accidental Communist

April 18th, 2011 · 78 Comments

“The crayon note showed up about two months before the response,” says Monica at Goucher College, “but both have been a source of great entertainment.”

Goucher College is a COMMUNITY. In communities we share. We do not steal other people's things like corporate America. Share share, that's fair. Go watch an episode on Barney, learn some manners, AND STOP STEALING!

related: Comrades, take notice!

extra credit: A lesson from Barney! **********

Tags: a little patronizing · Baltimore · college life · food · questionable logic · rebuttals · sharing is caring · stealing

Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

September 20th, 2010 · 46 Comments

Which is your favorite ode to replacing the roll?

Entry #1, from Baltimore?

Toilet Paper Haiku: Quietly I sit. Waiting silently. Drip dry. The roll is missing.

Entry #2, from New Orleans?

THE TOILET PAPER THEIF [sic]: The toilet paper theif [sic] is at it again! This is so frustrating I don't know where to begin...You would think that for people so grown...That they would not steal toilet paper for reasons unknown...It is always the brand new roll and never the old...Also, the can of Lysol disappeared, or so I was told... My plea is simple, please do not disregard...Stop stealing the toilet paper you Fucking Retard!!

or Entry #3, from Long Island City?

DOUCHE!

related: Scatological poetry slam

Tags: Baltimore · bathroom · ellipses-crazed · excessive capitalization · New Orleans · pure poetry · Queens · spelling and grammar police · toilet paper

Roommate revenge on wheels

June 15th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Heather saw this car parked in her Takoma Park, Maryland neighborhood, while Heather spotted the truck below in New Orleans. Perhaps Stephanie and Michael can form a support group with Rene Hall?

Stephanie [redacted] appropriates other people's property and destroys other people's belongings

Michael [redacted] Parks Like An Idiot

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

Tags: car · graffiti · New Orleans · parking · Takoma Park

The Sushi Nazi

October 14th, 2009 · 167 Comments

Jack in Baltimore spotted this notice at a Maryland Chinese restaurant with a $7 all-you-can-eat sushi buffet.  (Overall, a pretty good deal, Jack says…if you’re comfortable the idea of eating “discount” raw fish.) But while most all-you-can eat buffets make their margins by filling you up with a bounty of cheap carbolicious fare, that strategy doesn’t seem to be working out too well here.  (Either that, or the proprietors here are pretty hardcore purists about the consumption — if not the spelling — of their nigiri sushi.)

No sushi for you!

I’d like to imagine this sign (source: “the Internet”) as the next in the series.

Rice Dick

related: the all-you-can-spell buffet

Tags: Maryland · restaurant

Daddy’s little smartass

August 16th, 2009 · 47 Comments

Nick in Florida was in his car one day, when he “pulled up at a light, looked to my left, and immediately started laughing.” He quickly pulled out his iPhone, snapped a photo, then get stepped on the gas before daddy dearest could get out and beat the crap out of him.

I'm sorry Dad, Chelsea :)

Meanwhile, Lisa in Maryland spotted this in front of a small computer store near her office.

My Dad said change the sign so...I did :P

Sigh. Children are such a blessing!

related: and pull up your sign

Tags: car · Florida · kids · Maryland · Moms & Dads · smartass · smiley

Southern Comfort

January 18th, 2009 · 121 Comments

Though the issue might not be top of mind for sophisticated and urbane readership of this website, let this serve as your warning: Should you find yourself in, say, Fayetteville, Arkansas (like Melissa, a California expat currently attending the U of A) you’ll soon realize how important it is to lay down the law with regard to proper cud disposal.

I know that we live in Arkansas, and we like our tobacco, but the water fountain is not a spit cup for you're [sic] chewed tobacco. It is clogging up the drain. Please refrain from using the water fountain for this purpose.


Of course, when you live as far north as Baltimore and notice that your boss has taken to spitting chaw in your trash can, the situation becomes that much more dire.

Spit in my trashcan and I'll take a dump in yours :)

related: evidently, yes

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Arkansas · Baltimore · garbage · southern charm · spelling and grammar police · spitting · your/you're

Tilt your head upwards.

January 4th, 2009 · 78 Comments

Josh from Annapolis, Maryland says the first and last note in this exchange were apparently written by Stephen, a college student at a school “known for it’s obtusely intellectual, chronically spacey student body.”

The notes were gone within a few days, but Josh says the situation hasn’t exactly improved. In the meantime, he says, “I’m kinda worried for my own safety. I recently saw this kid chopping firewood in the backyard, so he definitely has an ax.”

Stop using a typewriter on looseleaf. It makes you look like a pretentious asshole. -a concerned citizen
related: passive-aggressive mad libs

Tags: Annapolis · garbage · neighbors · note wars · recycling · that's disrespectful · You call that punctuation?

How good is that?

August 19th, 2008 · 176 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Takoma Park, Maryland says her roommate/landlord is constantly leaving little post-its and e-mails for the other roommates, but iIthink these two have a bit of yum-o synchronicity.

EVOO

bread in trash

related: The first thing I did when I woke up

Tags: e-mail · food · Maryland · Takoma Park · thanks (but not really) · The Earth

 
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