Entries Tagged as 'Missouri'

You may work here, but you’re not my mother.

April 14th, 2014 · 106 Comments

Pam works at an accounting firm in St. Louis, where, around tax time, it’s not unusual for people to pack all three meals. How did you think Joan’s vigilante food-safety policing went over?

Missing: Three All Beef Hot Dogs

related: A bitter butter battle

Tags: food · non-apology apology · office · St. Louis

The Office LOL Police

January 18th, 2013 · 35 Comments

As it turns out, at least one study has shown that laughter in the workplace can actually improve productivity.

Of course, that didn’t help our submitter in St. Louis from totally freaking out when she found this anonymous note on her desk at her “conservative” office, where she says that although silence pretty much reigns, “I giggle and talk loudly all the time.”

I'm worried that you are laughing too much and not getting enough work completed. Sincerely, A Concerned Neighbor

Our submitter later found out that the note was a “prank” from a friendly coworker. (But — paranoia alert — was it completely in jest, or a p-a power play?)

related: To my coworker, the thundering cow

Tags: most popular notes of 2013 · noise · office · St. Louis

The Shark Week Scriptures

September 16th, 2012 · 58 Comments

Spotted by Rebecca in a women’s dorm at an evangelical college in St. Louis, Missouri…

Jesus shed his blood for me, so you don't have to as well. Wrap your pad! P.S. We know who you are, nasty!

related post:

What Would Jesus Steal?

Tags: bathroom · bodily fluids · college life · hygiene · Jesus · message to all intended for one · St. Louis · that's disgusting · TMI

…and F the Polar Bear!

December 29th, 2011 · 56 Comments

Jess in St. Louis says this dumpster “is definitely a manifestation of the microcosm of American value clashes that is my block.” Adds Jess: “Hopefully we can all survive the cardboard waste of Christmas in one piece.”

Whoever threw away all that cardboard. Do it again and I'll fill your yard with it. Don't be an Asshole. Recycle. [Response] QUIT Being a Nanny-State, Progressive, Liberal, ASS and try to FORCE me to recycle if I don't want to. FU & F the Polar Bear! And if I catch you in my yard, realize, I support the 2nd Ammendmant [sic]. this was written by someone who choses to recycle.

Whoever threw away all that cardboard. Do it again and I'll fill your yard with it. Don't be an Asshole. Recycle.

QUIT Being a Nanny-State, Progressive, Liberal, ASS and try to FORCE me to recycle if I don't want to. FU & F the Polar Bear! And if I catch you in my yard, realize, I support the 2nd Ammendmant [sic]. this was written by someone who choses to recycle.

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: irregular capitalization · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · politics · recycling · St. Louis · The Earth

Are you ready for your Rapture party?

May 20th, 2011 · 45 Comments

Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Whoever eat [sic] my pizza today....remember Rapture is coming tomorrow!!!!

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

This machine is out of service. Ordinarily, we would have called for technical support. However, given the impending end of the world, we felt that was unnecessary. If the world is still here on Monday, technical support will be called then.

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

Every time you leave the soap in the sink Richard Dawkins prays to Jesus...

related: Remember, God is watching you!

Tags: bathroom · coffee · D.C. · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Jesus · Kansas City · North Carolina · pizza · roommates · soap · stealing · washing your hands

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

May 13th, 2011 · 80 Comments

This isn’t the first “coffee-maker etiquette” flowchart I’ve seen, but it is the most aesthetically pleasing.

Says Sarah in St. Louis: “The IT department in our office is notorious for drinking the last of the coffee without making more.” (Note the subtle “I heart C++” mug.) Apparently, one of her co-workers thought breaking things down into engineer-speak might help.

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

Meanwhile, in Toledo, Ohio…a variation tailored to a slightly different audience:

What would Jesus do...if there were only this much coffee left in the pot? *He would brew more!

related: Passive-aggressive flowcharts

Tags: coffee · etiquette · flow chart · Jesus · most popular notes of 2011 · office · St. Louis · Toledo · visual aids

All together now: please don’ climb da tree!

April 21st, 2011 · 88 Comments

Our submitter’s friend in Columbia, Missouri found this on the ground beneath a tree yesterday, “and she couldn’t just leave it there. It really was the perfect tree for climbing.”

(And the accompanying note really does have the perfect rhythm for a call-a-response revival stomp, no? I’d love to see what the Gregory Brothers could do with this…)

Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even if you climbed on it last year Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though it is a great tree for climbing Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though it is ok with your parents Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though you are good at climbing Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Even though no one may be watching Please Do Not Climb On The Tree Thank You for Not Climbing on the Tree!

UPDATE: The Sneaky Mister has made my year!

related: Grow some thicker bark, why donttcha?

Tags: Columbia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · gloriously redundant · Missouri · most popular notes of 2011

When hand-washing gets a little out of hand

January 23rd, 2011 · 70 Comments

When her company recently relocated, says Sara in St. Louis, her department and several others were thrown together in a new office where the marketing group had already staked its claim.

“Marketing had tagged the soap they supplied in the bathroom because it was getting thrown away,” says Sara, “but when the other groups moved in they started tagging their products too.”

At this point, she says, “It’s getting a little awkward. I’m not in any of these departments — I just want to wash my hands.”

The office sink pissing contest

related: Everything in this drawer belongs to Elaine.

Tags: bathroom · office · St. Louis · washing your hands

Dropping the Big C…for charity

August 15th, 2010 · 127 Comments

Courtney in Missouri was perusing the silent auction items at a political fundraiser she was attending when she noticed the bit sheet for a gift basket called “Pamper Yourself or Someone You Love.”  Although the basket was valued at $235 (the full amount, of which, of course, was going to the fundraiser) no one seemed to have the temerity to outbid the $100 bidder. I wonder why?

$100.00 - for someone who has CANCER!

$100.00 - for someone who has CANCER!

When she stopped back just before the end of the auction, Courtney says, “my repeated taking of pictures of the bidding sheet seem to have led the person in question to raise their bid to $125…without any reference to possibly terminal illnesses.”

Perhaps Carol rethought her “charitable” decision to gift the basket to someone with cancer. (Chemo-induced vomiting is bad enough, but foisting Eat, Pray, Love on someone? Now that’s just cruel.)

related: Playing the Holocaust card

Tags: Missouri · oh no you didn't

HOT FAKE TREND ALERT! “Bros slicing bros,” a.k.a. “hate-eating” Domino’s pizza

July 11th, 2010 · 61 Comments

So, you still haven’t tried “new taste of Domino’s Pizza,” despite the barrage of marketing dollars being spent encouraging you to do so?  Not to worry! I’ll save you the heartburn incurred by a certain food-filching WashU student and his victims.

Here’s the scoop: If you order a pizza from Domino’s, there’s a 60% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls, and a 40% chance it will taste like a college student’s balls. (Oh, and to the Domino’s brand managers reading this: feel free to quote us on that!)

Hey...First... asshole(s?) don't eat this. Seriously. See the duct tape? It means fuck off. I mean seriously. You are an astoundingly awful human being and I hate you. My roommates hate you. Nemerov [NAME OF THE COLLEGE DORM] hates you. You're probably the same person who ate Danny's pasta. Or Nick's pizza. Go Die. There's a 60% chance one of my quadmates dragged their balls through the sauce of this and yes... I will eat this balls flavored pizza. Because that is how much I absolutely hate you. Arg... Fuck you. 2030 FUCK OFF AND DIE

Explains Bridget in St. Louis: “There has been a quite nefarious food thief stealing from the dorm’s community refrigerator lately, and I should know, since my stuff has been taken too. There have been a couple of complaints posted to the fridge, but this is the best one I’ve seen. It was written on a napkin duct-taped to a pizza box that had been (rather hastily) stuffed in the refrigerator.”

Hey...First... asshole(s?) don't eat this. Seriously. See the duct tape? It means fuck off. I mean seriously. You are an astoundingly awful human being and I hate you. My roommates hate you. Nemerov [NAME OF THE COLLEGE DORM] hates you. You're probably the same person who ate Danny's pasta. Or Nick's pizza. Go Die. There's a 60% chance one of my quadmates dragged their balls through the sauce of this and yes... I will eat this balls flavored pizza. Because that is how much I absolutely hate you. Arg... Fuck you. 2030 FUCK OFF AND DIE

related: My mum bought me that pizza!

extra credit: “New York Times Discovers New Trend: Bros Icing Bros” [gawker.com]

Tags: college life · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · shameless meme-mongering · St. Louis · stealing