Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

related: Remember, God is watching you!

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

This exercise in how not to get a job is brought to us by an anonymous submitter in Kansas City. The worst part? Before sending this e-mail, this guy was actually in the top five.

Exhibit a) submitted by an anonymous bystander at a lunch counter in Oregon Caves National Park:

Exhibit b) submitted by Patrick in Kansas City, Missouri, who explains: “My friends Chris and Katie had a rude waitress a few weeks ago. In order to tell the waitress that there was indeed a reason she wasn’t getting a tip, Chris left this little note where the tip would ordinarily go.”

Though I can certainly empathize, as a former food service industry worker I just can’t condone not leaving a tip. (I’m guessing there are a lot of you, however, who’d disagree.)

related: passive-aggressive linkage

Writes Heidi in Kansas City, Missouri: “In my building, the decorating committee of condo owners added lamps to the hallway tables on each floor. Someone started turning the lamps off on some floors, and someone else left this note on the bulletin board in the building’s laundry room. Gotta love that festive holiday stationery!”