Entries Tagged as 'Brooklyn'

Courtesy & Cojones

September 21st, 2010 · 35 Comments

Both Lauren and Maureen took note of this sign outside a fish warehouse in an industrial area of Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

“I found the combination of ‘Balls’ (capitalized!) and ‘Courtesy’ a hilarious mix of politeness and vulgarity,” Maureen says. “I also thought it was funny that they are offended not only by the neighbors’ complaints but by the fact that people don’t complain to them about the smell.”

If You Have any Problems with Fish Odor, Please Have the Balls and Courtesy to Complain to Us Directly

related: Eau dear

Tags: Brooklyn · excessive capitalization · fish · odor

You’re (not) welcome!

September 16th, 2010 · 48 Comments

Okay, I’m totally calling bullshit on this note (spotted by Seth in the lobby of his Brooklyn apartment building).

If one of your neighbors knocked on your door and said, “Hey, so, I’ve been really needing a doormat….can I have yours?” —  would your response really be, “Well, since you asked…here you go!!”

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: IF YOU NEEDED A WELCOME MAT THAT BADLY YOU NEEDED ONLY TO ASK FOR IT. SHAME ON YOU FOR STEALING IT!!

Shame on you for being a bold-typefaced liar, notewriter!

related: Wrath mat

Tags: Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · neighbors · stealing

One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

May 25th, 2010 · 124 Comments

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Hi Sandra :) Since you hid the toilet paper I'm assuming you are hard hit on cash so here is a gift on me. Enjoy the free roll girl friend....  Liz :) xoxoxo

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

I was going to give you money for the ONE roll of toilet paper we ended up switching out. But I understand where you're coming from. A little passive-aggressive though.

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

Buy your own damn toilet paper.

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

Tags: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo

More crooked chiropractors

July 23rd, 2009 · 109 Comments

My favorite part of this landlord-chiropractor dispute in Brooklyn is the (professionally printed?) “tenant snuck out over the weekend” sign. How long has this landlord had that one in reserve?

TENANT SNUCK OUT OVER WEEKEND

Meanwhile, Dan in Dallas received this direct-mail don’t from a doc he’s dubbed “Dmitri the chiropractor.”

spinal manipulation

related: spinal manipulation

Tags: Brooklyn · Dallas/Fort Worth · landlords and property managers · message to all intended for one

Repestect yourself

June 29th, 2009 · 159 Comments

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

If you like to do graphity, dont do it. Pull your pants down and graphity your ass. Repestect this building and if you dont repect it do it in your own building. This is not Prospect Park. This building is being recorded 24/7 and if your taped, you will go to jail. Do not right back on this paper knock on Apt 2B if you don't like this message. -Management

related: Your are welcome to our home

Tags: bizarro spacing · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · elevator · graffiti · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2009 · now that's management · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · the po-po · your/you're

…and forgive us our trespasses

April 20th, 2009 · 162 Comments

Writes Kerry in Brooklyn: “I just moved into a new apartment, and they don’t have secured outside parking for bikes. My place is NYC-sized, so naturally I decided to lock one of my bikes to the banister right outside my door. Apparently that’s a big no-no in the building.”

Please Move Your Bike!!!

Meanwhile, Melanie in Newport, Rhode Island spotted this on the lawn of the Salvation Army in her neighborhood, adding “I, for one, certainly applaud whomever had the baguettes to do such a thing.”

STOP WASTING FOOD!

related: The first thing I did when I woke up

Tags: bicycle · bread · Brooklyn · food · neighbors

Mean boys

January 22nd, 2009 · 159 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Brooklyn received this e-mail from his 28-year-old male roommate after purchasing a similar (not identical) blue toggle pea coat. “We are rarely out of the apartment together,” our submitter notes. Hmm, wonder why?

Hey, so i wanna get something off my chest. I know it's a little silly, but it really bugs me that you bought the same coat as I did. for some reason it's really gotten under my skin and it's probably made me a bit of a jerk over the past few days. you mentioned that it's the same as those shoes - but i don't really see it that way. i asked you before i bought those shoes. first. and second, they were work shoes. there was very little chance of us wearing them at the same time. i'll take back the coat, which, to be honest, sort of upsets me, but i guess i'll have to get over it. so, anyway, i guess i just wanted to say that...before i got any meaner.

related: Gossip Boy

Tags: attire · Brooklyn · e-mail · frenemies · martyr complex · roommates

“I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.

September 12th, 2008 · 115 Comments

(My roommate disagreed.)

Fuck you! I made a cake anyway :)

Now it’s my turn: Happy birthday, Kim! (emoticon emoticon emoticon)

related: an occasion that blue mountain arts has yet to animate
extra credit: cake wrecks

Tags: birthday · Brooklyn · cake · Park Slope · roommates · smiley

Especially religion

August 21st, 2008 · 228 Comments

Just so you Noe Valley-ites don’t feel like you’ve cornered the self-righteous yuppie market…I spotted this last week on my very own block in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

For Apt #3: If you are UPS/USPS/DHL/FedEx/Ed MacMahon with a check for millions of dollars, you only need to BUZZ ONCE. If I'm here, I'll let you in. If I'm not (or I can't come to the door) I won't. If you are NOT any of the above - DO NOT BUZZ. I don't want what you have, especially if it's religion! There may be a SLEEPING BABY in here and you will be cursed if you wake her for no reason!

related: The thoughts that count

extra credit: “A different sort of neighborhood watch” [brownstoner.com]
Brooklyn neighbors & passive-aggressive notes” [daftcrafts.com]

Tags: Brooklyn · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · Moms & Dads · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Park Slope

Roommate fumes; Unilever marketing execs rejoice

February 3rd, 2008 · 66 Comments

Curse as much as you want, dude: you’re still bitching about body wash. (Personally, that’s what I’d call a gamekiller.)

Whoever keeps using my fucking shower gel and drinking my fucking beer needs to fucking replace them!!! -Tom

related: I swear this isn’t some sort of stealth viral marketing campaign

Tags: beer · Brooklyn · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · New York · roommates · stealing · whiteboard