“My co-worker had a ‘meet our bundle of joy’ party in a common space of his apartment building,” says our anonymous submitter in New York City, and these notes were peppered throughout the space. ”Not only did I opt out of ‘touching’ their baby, I also passed on digging into the bowl of Ruffles.”

Meanwhile, as Carson in Atlanta points out, someone else has channeled that parental germaphobia into a bona fide business!

related: this is all about the childern

extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Soap

Editor’s note: Eric has been trying to get me to post this note for almost a year now, and I’m usually all, “but it’s not, you know, real!” and he’s all, “but it’s real(ly) funny!” (A point I had to concede). And so, in honor of April 1 (a.k.a. Ninja Note Day on PAN) I’m offering this note amnesty. —Kerry

Writes our anonymous submitter from Dayton, Ohio: “Sent by what appears to be a group of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle aficionados*, this letter was received last year after the somewhat eccentric and always-crazy editor of a small toy magazine erroneously described one of the characters as an ‘evil enemy rat.’”

*We had our crack research staff (read: Google) look into the authors’ identities, and the results were shocking: the letter was written by then-interns at The Onion, and sent from the publication’s New York offices.

related: On jamming

The village of Irvington, New York, Aaron explains, is a quiet suburb of the Big Apple in Westchester County. “iI’s got one main drag, conveniently named Main Street, where all the major businesses are located,” he says. One day, ” a public services vehicle pulled up too far on the sidewalk for the local Italian deli owner to put up his lunchtime sandwich board.” The result? well, the daily specials had to go somewhere.

related: How Berkeley

Lately, our anonymous submitter in New York has been going to the HousingWorks cafe to study for the bar exam. Because tables near electrical outlets are hot commodities, for the past few days she’s ended up sharing a table with the same “over-the-hill dude.”

Our submitter knows her table-sharing etiquette: “I always keep the table free of clutter and I don’t chat loudly,” she says. Yesterday, however, while catching up with a friend who dropped by the cafe, her tablemate interrupted to hand her this note, said, “This is for you,” and left.

Adds our submitter: “I don’t know which is more irritating, the fact that this douchebag told me not to ever sit with him again, or that that he felt the need to write it down and couch it in oh-so-polite phrases.”

related: An official declaration of the silent treatment

One night last summer, Sylvia in New York was just chillin’ out watching TV, when she noticed a cat had wandered through the open window. Sylvia, an animal-lover, assumed he was a stray (he didn’t have a collar), and because “he was super cute and affectionate,” she says, “we let him stay a little while. he decided to make himself comfortable and fell asleep.”

The cat was gone by morning, but a few days later, Sylvia saw the same feline running down the sidewalk outside her apartment. Not wanting the poor kitty to get hit by a car or picked up by animal control, Sylvia scooped him up and brought him inside.

“I was going to ask around and see if anyone nearby owned him,” she says, but her neighbor beat her to the punch. “She knocked on our door and explained that an employee at the nail salon downstairs had seen me take him inside, and I told her I thought he was a stray. The woman seemed okay, took the cat, and I thought that was the end of it.”

The neighbor, it seems, thought otherwise.

related: A new tagline for the price is right?

Our anonymous submitter in Brooklyn received this e-mail from his 28-year-old male roommate after purchasing a similar (not identical) blue toggle pea coat. “We are rarely out of the apartment together,” our submitter notes. Hmm, wonder why?

related: Gossip Boy

Our anonymous submitter says this display is just one of many microwave missives his coworker has created. “Someone tore it down and threw it on the floor once,” he says, “but she put it back up, laminated with heavy-duty tape.”

And of course, the art-imitating-life inspiration for this post: Pam Beesly.

related: To each his own microwave

extra credit: The Office: “Frame Toby”

Says filly in New York: “I think it’s safe the assume the writer is neither a) an English major or b) a feminist.”

related: more from the frontlines of post-post feminism