“First off,” writes submitter, who we’ll call Lorelai, “my parents and I have never, ever, ever had any kind of discussion regarding ANYTHING having to do with sex. Mostly because, well, they are my 60-something-year-old parents. And my father is my preacher.”

Today, Lorelai is a 33-year-old “volleyball-coaching, home-owning, full-time working, Girl-Scout-Troop-leading” mother of a “well-behaved, smart, friendly, athletic, violin-playing” daughter, who happens to be the product of unplanned pregnancy 11 years ago.

“Although it took my parents some time to accept the decision I made to raise her (successfully, so far!) on my own, I thought we had moved on,” our submitter says. “Apparently not. My long-distance, very serious, boyfriend will be visiting in a few days, and I guess they wanted to make their stance clear on the matter, eleven years later.”

Lorelai says the follow-up letter from her Mom clarifying to meaning of the card was even more awkward. Sample excerpt:

I guess our gesture was our way of saying ‘We love you and want you to have a healthy sex life, but be careful, because we don’t want you to be hurt like you were before.’

Adds Lorelai: “Maybe some people have this kind of relationship with their parents, but, well, I definitely don’t.”

related: Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin.

I kinda love the snottiness of this bar’s dress code, mostly because of how perfectly it allows me to envision the nightlife scene in Tampa, Florida, where Kim spotted this notice. (Essentially, a whole lotta Jon Gosselin-type-wannabes?)

Meanwhile, Holly’s friend Jess snapped this picture of the new dress code at a college-town bar in Ohio. “I’m guessing the boss is not a fan of the frat kids,” says Holly.

related: Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

Our submitter, Rob in Cleveland, says he found this note on his computer screen upon returning to his desk after lunch one day. “I honestly don’t bring my toenail clippers to work,” Rob says. “They were just hurting inside my pocket so I put them on my desk and forgot about them, and this is what I get.”

At first glance, I thought the note must have been sarcastic — surely, no one would actually borrow another’s toenail clippers, right? — so I asked Rob for some clarification.

As it turns out, Rob is pretty sure the note was no joke. “The guy who wrote it is one of the grossest people at work,” he explains. And as for why he had toenail clippers in his pocket to begin with? Says Rob: “I cut my nails in my car on the way to work.”

Of course. Well, I’m glad we cleared that one up.

related: The Jake Issues

While perusing the merchandise at the local dollar store, Josh in Columbus, Ohio spotted this signage near the shelf of the world’s skeeviest-looking condoms…which are apparently attracting the skeeviest of the Columbus area’s “stupid and sexually active” population.

As one Dooce commenter wrote, “Perhaps if you buy the dollar store condoms, you should just go ahead and grab a couple of pregnancy tests to save yourself a later trip.”

related: Don’t keep yourself warm with pre-marital sex or you’ll have plenty of heat IN HELL!

In Ohio, one household tries the proactive approach to preventing Halloween thuggery:

(We’ll have to wait to hear back from our submitter Darcy to see if it worked.)

related: Jerk-o-lanterns

Unsurprisingly, Emily in D.C. says it took less than 24 hours for one her neighbors to call bullshit on the building management’s “exciting news.”

Meanwhile, this building in Columbus, Ohio — which submitter Andrew says is “really nice and fancy-looking” — appears to take the mullet approach to policing its public spaces. (Business in the front, party in the back!)

Adds Andrew: “I 100% believe that this note is legit. I work exactly one block away from where the sign was posted, and a few days ago, I went outside only to find my self interrupting someone who was pissing on our dumpster. We have caught people in the act of shitting in our parking lot, and have also received many “anonymous fecal gifts.”

related: It’s fall! Here are a few updates and several complaints.

“Perhaps I was a bit too particular about what I wanted when I ordered my salad at lunch,” admits Daniel in Seattle. “I found this when I pulled it out of my bag back at the office.”

And from the Athens, Ohio Dept. of Disgruntled Baristas…

related: Have it your way, jerk

Shortly after moving to Columbus, Ohio, Julie received a welcome-wagon visit from her new neighbors…in the form of a post-it note stuck to the side of her motorcycle. Her bike, which was parked on the public city street across from her house, had apparently disrupted the neighborhood’s unofficial parking “regimin.”

“I complied with the rules of their little microcosm,” Julie says, “but I also turned the note into an overhead, which was a real gold mine for the rhetoric class I was teaching at Ohio State.”

Adds Julie: “Incidentally, when parked perpendicularly, a motorcycle uses roughly 2.5 feet of street.”

related:  I shoveled this spot. IT’S MINE.