Entries Tagged as 'Portland'

This is a hereby declared a gluten-free breakroom!

February 27th, 2012 · 64 Comments

Heidi says what started off as a simple request turned into a whiteboard snark-off at the natural foods store where she works in (where else?) Portland.

Can we get a bagel slicer for the breakroom, please? i.e. a knife? bagels are bad for you eat your green beans instead.

[FIXED]

Put a bird on it!

related: Your punishment for forgetting your reusable bags

extra credit: Day in the Life of a Passive-Aggressive Vegan Grocery Store Clerk [mcsweeneys.net]

Tags: food · Oregon · Portland · unsolicited feedback

Isn’t starting middle school torture enough?

August 21st, 2011 · 67 Comments

Hollie in Portland, Oregon spotted this note on the second-floor landing as she was walking up to her apartment.

While I’m usually not in favor of note-leaving when a direct confrontation would do, I give this one a pass — creative spelling and all — because, really, have you ever met a middle schooler without an an attitude? I’d say forcing a kid to make it through eighth grade is enough of an ass-kicking already.

Dear niebors, I'm tiered of you wakeing me up During the night. When I go middle school in two weeks I'm gonna need to wake up at 6:15! Next time you stomp in the middle of the night I'm gonna call the office and tell them about all the times you woke me up, especelly if you make it so I'm late for school! Sincerly, The girl who lives in 346

related: Another Portland teen takes on her noisy neighbors

Tags: kids · neighbors · noise · Portland

Sure, blame it on the kids

April 24th, 2011 · 175 Comments

“My neighbor taped this note to my door,” says Valerie in Portland. “I don’t know who scratched her car, but I do know she could benefit from spell check.” (Harumph.)

Attn. Val...Please do not park next to our car as we keep Finding Key marks now dents in my doors, as you don't watch your Kids! I will make a claim if this persists if you even have insurence [sic]...Please respect, thank you!

related: Unattended children will be shot.

Tags: car · kids · neighbors · parking · Portland

If you’ve ever suspected the tech support staff of acting a little bit passive-aggressive…

January 24th, 2011 · 126 Comments

…well, you’re probably right. (Small acts of passive-aggression are just one of the many coping strategies IT workers employ in order to maintain their own sanity while forced to deal with incredibly, outrageously, mind-bogglingly stupid people like you.)

But if you think you’re being patronized when the Help Desk operator asks you to make sure your power cord is plugged in…well, you’re probably not. (Because — like the 10 other people who called before you complaining “My computer won’t turn on!” — your power cord probably isn’t plugged in.)

Just ask our submitter Jessica, who works the IT Help Desk at a college in Portland, Oregon. Jessica calls this chart,  created by fellow help-desker, “a very accurate visual representation of a typical day at work.”

The IT Help Desk Wheel of Responses: That sounds like a hardware problem. No, it's gone forever. OK, let me Google that for you. Have you tried restarting your computer? Is the cord plugged in? Have you tried changing your password? Yes, click OK. It's a scam, just delete it.

related: Passive-aggressive flowcharts

Tags: "customer service" · most popular notes of 2011 · Portland

Area woman shocked by discovery: “service employees have families too?”

December 29th, 2010 · 89 Comments

“We are normally a 24-hour store,” writes our submitter in Portland, Oregon, “but we close early for Christmas.” At least one customer found this policy to be most unsatisfactory — as evidenced by the holiday greeting she left behind.

December 24, 2009. Portland, Oregon, USA. [store name] about 9 pm. I came by to purchase a birthday card, your store was closed. Sign says open Xmas eve 24 hrs. How kind of your company to give you all the day off =)

related: In case you’re wondering why we’re closed

Tags: Christmas · Portland · retail hell · smiley

He likes it with the lights on.

November 5th, 2010 · 36 Comments

For your typographical titillation: a Friday quickie from Liz in Portland…

When exciting [sic] the bathroom please leave the light on.

related: You turned me on and left me.

Tags: bathroom · double-entendre alert · energy usage · Freudian shit · Portland

My bite is worse than your bark

June 14th, 2010 · 107 Comments

Although she’s embarrassed to admit it now, Kristi in Portland confesses that when she wrote this letter, at age 14, she felt oh-so-very-grown-up.

In retrospect, she says, the most ridiculous part — besides the charmingly pretentious tone throughout — is probably the self-made letterhead. “I guess I thought the frog made for a good personal logo or something,” Kristi says. ”To my credit, I didn’t send the letter anonymously…I included my full name (first, middle and last), my address, my phone number AND my e-mail address. I only left off my Social Security number!”

Dear Sir or Madam, This must come to an end! Last year, every night for almost an entire summer, your dogs would bark late into the night disturbing my peace and thus threatening my sanity as I was allowed only a few precious hours of sleep per night. For some reason, this has not occurred often recently, and for that I am grateful. However, tonight, that peace was once again broken. I am certain that I am not the only neighbor in the area who has been kept awake because of your pets.I am a fourteen year old student, trying my hardest to complete my sophomore year of high school maintaining good grades. However, to do this, I need to be paying attention in my classes. To do this, I need to be awake, and in order to stay awake, I need to be able to sleep at night. This evening, I was very glad because I finished all the things that I needed to do earlier than usual (despite my inability to concentrate on a book for English due to the incessant barking) and was ready to go to bed at 10:30 p.m. However, once I was in bed, the dogs started to get noisy again. I tried to ignore it, but after half-an hour of restlessness, I finally got up, got dressed and came over to your house and rang your door-bell. I was not surprised that you were not at home, because I assume that if you were, you would not have tolerated the animals' behavior. I do not know if you even realize that whenever you are away, your dogs bark on and off all through the night, so now I am telling you. Please take whatever actions necessary to ensure that this bad habit ends here, whether that means just locking them inside while you are away, or possibly leaving them with friends or if it comes down to it, in a kennel. I know that I would appreciate it, as well as my family and assuming the surrounding neighbors would as well. Please, do not allow your animals behavior to deprive us of the sleep that we need to function reasonably and sanely. Thank You, Kristi

Adds Kristi: “My parents still live next door to these neighbors, and I avoid them to this day! Oh, and yes, they did try to keep their dogs indoors more after I sent the letter.”

related: Your to lazy

Tags: dogs · kids · neighbors · nice stationery · noise · Portland

Stupid is as stuiped does

May 26th, 2010 · 79 Comments

CT and his friends were driving home from the beach when they stopped at a gas station in Luverne, Alabama and found this posted next to the men’s bathroom.

“The ‘Danger!’ sign below was apparently the first attempt to keep people from opening this door,” says CT. “God only knows what’s behind it. I’m assuming this door of unspeakable power continued to get opened, prompting the posting of the second sign.”

If you open this door your [sic] either can't read or your [sic] stuiped [sic].

Hey, I feel your pain, gas station attendant, having to deal with so much stupidity all day long. But — with the help of Rachael in Portland — I think I’ve found someone else who can relate.

Allow me to introduce Lily. She’s 8.

Today my stuiped [sic] MOM thought I spanked my STUIPED [sic] sister with a spoon. Then my mom was working and she told me to go to my room. When I asked her if she could come here she said No I'm doing something more important so I'm not important I guess. Heart, Lily

related: An anonymous rant against anonymity

Tags: Alabama · gas station · kids · Portland · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

From the department of disgruntled baristas

September 30th, 2009 · 189 Comments

Writes Tim: “I work at one of the better specialty coffee shops in Portland, Oregon. Some people come in knowing that we can prepare a fantastic drink, but don’t actually know what they like or how to order it. And sometimes these people decide to write a note expressing their displeasure instead of simply asking us to remake their drink.”

from the department of disgruntled baristas

Adds Tim: “For the record, these two women ordered a 16 oz. caramel latte and a 16 oz. mocha, which are certainly going to be sweeter and less espresso-forward drinks than our more traditional, non-flavored drinks. And if these two actually visited regularly, they would also know that we don’t have 16 oz. ceramic mugs, which means all 16 oz. drinks are served in paper cups.”

So there.

related: An extra bold request

Tags: coffee · cranky barista · Portland

A text from the big guy upstairs (or downstairs)

June 15th, 2009 · 131 Comments

As far as he can tell, Chris in Portland thinks this anonymous text was sent by his downstairs neighbor after a morning of hitting the snooze button one too many times. “Needless to say,” Chris admits, “this was not the first time I had ignored the alarm  clock.”

What’s strange, Chris says, is that he has no idea how the neighbor got a hold of his cell phone number. “My only thought is that about a month prior to receiving this text, I left my phone number on a post-it on the front door of the building so the UPS delivery guy could get a hold of me. They must have held onto that number the whole time, just waiting for the absolute breaking point.”

Turn your motherfucking alarm off.

Creepy…but kind of genius, right?

related: Recipe for roommate discord

Tags: cell phone · neighbors · noise · Portland · text message