Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Waterfoul

June 23rd, 2013 · 25 Comments

Used books can be a real treasure trove for found notes. Jessica in Mandeville, Louisiana recently found this gem while straightening up the bookshelves at work one night.  “It’s now posted, in all its glory, in the front office for all employees to see,” says Jessica (no relation to Asheley or her Dad, by the way.)

Dear Jessica & Ashely's Dad, Hey I am one of Jessica's friends And she told me that you shot a duck. did you know that that duck could be one of Daffy Ducks children.

related: Dear Santa, do you whip your reindeer?

Tags: kids · Louisiana

Oh look, Reddit exploded in the kitchen.

June 19th, 2013 · 46 Comments

STAHP.

Kitchen signs are the best! SMALL KITCHEN SIGNS ARE BETTER. I disagree. I made a kitchen sign but I eated it. If you are the making coffee first thing in the morning, please rinse out the coffee pot. Thank you. Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

related: The Internet is leaking.

Tags: cats · kitchen · Los Angeles · note wars · office · shameless meme-mongering

Dirty laundry for sale!

June 17th, 2013 · 63 Comments

Laura spotted this yard sale sign outside Peet’s Coffee Shop in Portland, Oregon.

Ex-Wife Left Me, Come Get Her Stuff Before She Returns on Monday. HURRY!!

Peter spotted a similar sign in his Long Island neighborhood a while back.

Mom spent my trust fund. So I'm selling her stuff!

related: Garage sale drama

Tags: ex drama · garage sale · Long Island · Portland · revenge

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

Vomiting for dummies

June 10th, 2013 · 71 Comments

Mike spotted this in one of the restrooms at his Atlanta office. As amused as he was by the snarky comment-ALL CAPS-clip art combo, “I can’t say I disagree with the note,” says Mike. “That’s just gross.”

PLEASE DO NOT THROW UP IN OUR SINKS a sign like this shouldn't be necessary in a professional office environment Proper way to throw up Please remember to flush after you vomit. And to the person that did that in the sink and didn't even bother to clean it up, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WORK FROM HOME, YOU BIG LOSER! AS OF MAY 29, 2013 THIS HAS NOW HAPPENED AT LEAST 3 TIMES in 2 weeks on this floor! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

related: Don’t vom in the urinals, either

Tags: Atlanta · bathroom · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · office · vomit

The not-so-friendly skies

June 6th, 2013 · 138 Comments

Writes our submitter in Phoenix: “Apparently, the baggage handlers at Southwest did not appreciate my ‘love note’ baggage tag and felt the need to respond — in permanent marker.”

Quit making your bag so heavy

Adds our submitter: “In my defense, I would like to point out that my bag was 46 lb., which is still under the airline’s weight limit, and I, at 5’2″, had no trouble lifting it.”

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge

Tags: airport · most popular notes of 2013 · Phoenix

Wake up, Mixer. You’re in the Matrix.

June 4th, 2013 · 33 Comments

Oh look, another sentient kitchen appliance. This time, with allergies.

Please clean me when you get me dirty! I'm allergic to crusty waffle batter/potatoes...it makes me itchy and irritable...I don't like it. Ahh! A talking Mixer!! There is mixer; there is only Zuul! Silence! I kill you! <3 The Mixer Wake up, Mixer. You're in the Matrix.

(As spotted by Julie in her Provo, Utah college cafeteria.)

related: The very needy dishwasher

Tags: anthropomorphism · kitchen · Provo · smartass

Drink my Coca-Cola…and the terrorists win

June 1st, 2013 · 70 Comments

Ana in Kentucky spotted this epic on the faculty fridge at the school where she works.

Dear Coke-I-leave-on-the-door-thief, As a child who grew up in the depression era, I come from humble beginnings. I have learned to take pleasures in the simple things in life; the river, the trees in spring, the wonderment in children's eyes...As I move forward through another morning, my caffeine deprived brain and I ponder silently the consequences of your actions. Have you no pride? Have you no shame? As a part time Aid and Para Professional, my compensation for said duties is not as lucrative or rewarding as the joy my heart feels when a student finally reaches their potential academically, spiritually, and emotionally. I beg you, kind sir or ma'am, to consider the effects your actions have on my ability to produce God-fearing citizens of this democracy. May I suggest that you help yourself to any of the half-empty Sprite bottles or outdated rotten apples that I tend to leave in the same general vicinity as my valued Coke product? May you never feel the pain of eating peanut butter at 10am and having nothing to drink except something called

related: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

Tags: Coke · Kentucky · Louisville · most popular notes of 2013 · office fridge · schools & teachers · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children?

Sincerely, Plastic Bag

May 29th, 2013 · 86 Comments

I know this note has like, a lot of words in it, but seriously, all I see is wah wah wah.

An open letter to refrigerate-ers: Okay....YOU. The one who has a thermally-efficient backpack of a lunch bag. Really? Really? I bet's it's totally convenient, because no matter what you are bringing for lunch, you've got enough room in that thing, amiright? Plus it probably keeps your stuff nice and cool; yeah, specially designed for that. Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that you are going through airport security. If TSA size regulations require that your put that thing through the baggage scanner by itself, it probably doesn't belong in a refrigerator. I promise you there is enough empty space in there to hold an ice pack, which will get your leftovers through the lean hours between home and lunch quite nicely. I know this, because every time I have to extract it and plan an impromptu solo game of countertop Jenga, just so I can see into the refrigerator to find my super thin grocery store plastic bag with only my cold items it in, I can tell you've maybe used half the space you are taking up. Friendly suggestion...go on using that thing to keep your tasty morsels cold on the way to work, maybe even at your desk, but consider adding a more reasonably-sized extra layer of container around the guts inside of the monster, and putting that smaller package in the community refrigerator. (There are Sharpies in the supply closet if you need visual cues which lunch bundle is yours.) Bonus - less material in here makes it colder for everyone. That can of Coke you've got tastes better when it's had room to breathe.

related: Dear “Desperate for Salad”

Tags: Chicago · office fridge · TL;DR

Over the (top) rainbow

May 27th, 2013 · 65 Comments

Writes Tom in Cleveland: “In the parking garage of my apartment building, some B parked in assigned spot 144, which belonged to another B, who then covered B1′s Jeep in harshly-worded notes on multi-colored construction paper.”

DISLIKE This person parked in my spot. Inconsiderate much? I had to park 3 blocks away just so a person could park in a spot I paid for. I'm posting pics of your car info on social media. I have 20,000+ followers. Don't worry...I called management. Leopard print? Try the Jersey Shore!!!

related: It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · Cleveland · parking · public shaming