Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Free creamer!

June 26th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Writes our submitter in Florida: “My husband walked into his office breakroom to find this note. He immediately went back to his desk to write a response, but by the time he made it back to the fridge, he found that someone else had beat him to it.”

If you want to borrow my creamer PLEASE ask!!! Do not take it upon yourself to take it!!!

FREE CREAMER! Just grab out of bag

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Florida · office fridge · smartass

Sorry, I can’t hear you over all the chattering appliances

June 25th, 2013 · 93 Comments

Our submitter in Fort Collins, Colorado was a bit taken aback at the site of this local business’s breakroom. “The level of commitment dedicared to naming and creating backstories for the appliances was…mindboggling,” she says.

Indeed, my mind has been boggled.

Hello! We are the [redacted] break room appliances provided by [redacted] and we would like to introduce ourselves. Hello, I'm Mike the Microwave and I am the newest appliance to join the [redacted] Break Room team, replacing Monroe who retired. Hey there, my name is Collin and I'm the Coffee Machine. Howdy, Dante the Dishwasher here! Hi, I'm the big guy in the corner, Ramone the Refrigerator. Most of us have been here for a long time and we are thankful that [redacted] has provided us for your convenience and use. However since we are aging, we need a bit more TLC so each of us has written a little synopsis of how you can help us maintain our integrity and continue to work as best we can. We appreciate you being considerate of all persons who wish to use us. Thanks and please HELP us with our individual needs.

Mike, Collin, & the kitchen gang

Dante the Dishwasher

Collin the Coffee Machine

Mike the Microwave

related: The Needy Little Dishwasher

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · clip art catastrophe · Colorado · dishwasher · fridge · kitchen · microwave · office · TL;DR

Take it sleazy

June 24th, 2013 · 59 Comments

Jeff in California was not too happy when a neighbor slapped this on his door. “I am a lover of vintage neon,” he says, “and do not drink Budweiser or hang out in dive bars.” (I’m guessing his neighbor didn’t catch the nuance.)

Please move your neon Budweiser sign so it is not visible from the outside. It looks very tacky and sleazy. I don't want to live across from a dive bar. Thank you for your understanding. Yours Truely, [sic] Your Neighbors

related: Tacky, you say?

Tags: a matter of taste · California · neighbors

Waterfoul

June 23rd, 2013 · 25 Comments

Used books can be a real treasure trove for found notes. Jessica in Mandeville, Louisiana recently found this gem while straightening up the bookshelves at work one night.  “It’s now posted, in all its glory, in the front office for all employees to see,” says Jessica (no relation to Asheley or her Dad, by the way.)

Dear Jessica & Ashely's Dad, Hey I am one of Jessica's friends And she told me that you shot a duck. did you know that that duck could be one of Daffy Ducks children.

related: Dear Santa, do you whip your reindeer?

Tags: kids · Louisiana

Oh look, Reddit exploded in the kitchen.

June 19th, 2013 · 46 Comments

STAHP.

Kitchen signs are the best! SMALL KITCHEN SIGNS ARE BETTER. I disagree. I made a kitchen sign but I eated it. If you are the making coffee first thing in the morning, please rinse out the coffee pot. Thank you. Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

related: The Internet is leaking.

Tags: cats · kitchen · Los Angeles · note wars · office · shameless meme-mongering

Dirty laundry for sale!

June 17th, 2013 · 63 Comments

Laura spotted this yard sale sign outside Peet’s Coffee Shop in Portland, Oregon.

Ex-Wife Left Me, Come Get Her Stuff Before She Returns on Monday. HURRY!!

Peter spotted a similar sign in his Long Island neighborhood a while back.

Mom spent my trust fund. So I'm selling her stuff!

related: Garage sale drama

Tags: ex drama · garage sale · Long Island · Portland · revenge

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

Vomiting for dummies

June 10th, 2013 · 71 Comments

Mike spotted this in one of the restrooms at his Atlanta office. As amused as he was by the snarky comment-ALL CAPS-clip art combo, “I can’t say I disagree with the note,” says Mike. “That’s just gross.”

PLEASE DO NOT THROW UP IN OUR SINKS a sign like this shouldn't be necessary in a professional office environment Proper way to throw up Please remember to flush after you vomit. And to the person that did that in the sink and didn't even bother to clean it up, WHY DON'T YOU JUST WORK FROM HOME, YOU BIG LOSER! AS OF MAY 29, 2013 THIS HAS NOW HAPPENED AT LEAST 3 TIMES in 2 weeks on this floor! STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!

related: Don’t vom in the urinals, either

Tags: Atlanta · bathroom · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · office · vomit

The not-so-friendly skies

June 6th, 2013 · 138 Comments

Writes our submitter in Phoenix: “Apparently, the baggage handlers at Southwest did not appreciate my ‘love note’ baggage tag and felt the need to respond — in permanent marker.”

Quit making your bag so heavy

Adds our submitter: “In my defense, I would like to point out that my bag was 46 lb., which is still under the airline’s weight limit, and I, at 5’2″, had no trouble lifting it.”

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge

Tags: airport · most popular notes of 2013 · Phoenix

Wake up, Mixer. You’re in the Matrix.

June 4th, 2013 · 34 Comments

Oh look, another sentient kitchen appliance. This time, with allergies.

Please clean me when you get me dirty! I'm allergic to crusty waffle batter/potatoes...it makes me itchy and irritable...I don't like it. Ahh! A talking Mixer!! There is mixer; there is only Zuul! Silence! I kill you! <3 The Mixer Wake up, Mixer. You're in the Matrix.

(As spotted by Julie in her Provo, Utah college cafeteria.)

related: The very needy dishwasher

Tags: anthropomorphism · kitchen · Provo · smartass