Entries Tagged as 'United States'

My sadistic dungeon-master won’t let me call in sick

June 8th, 2007 · 27 Comments

Explains Desi in New York: “I work in a dungeon —  a “we-do-S&M-here” place — and not only is our boss passive-aggressive (really, he is, in a more strict interpretation of the term) he also doesn’t speak English all that well.” Now that’s a formula for comic gold.

Although the circuitous first sentence here is pretty great, I think the thing I love most about this sign is how terribly average it is. (No clip art of whips and chains, say.) Except for the use of the word “girls,” this wouldn’t be terribly out of place at any other office. (It’s also a nice companion piece to this.)

Calling Out Sick: Unfortunately because so many girls have been calling out sick we have to enforce a new rule of not being able to call out sick. If you are sick you need to find someone to cover your shift (without taking them from another shift). The shifts are already very empty because of planned vacations. You also need to provide us with a valid doctor's note with a telephone number so we can call and confirm. Otherwise, sick or not, you are expected to show up for work on time.

related: Suck on this!

 

Tags: crazy boss · illness · New York · sex sex sex

Yo, could I get a cold beverage?

June 8th, 2007 · 32 Comments

“Our company gives us free soda,” says Craig in New York City, “but then you have to deal with notes like these.”

(Cue the world’s tiniest violin.)

This refrigerator is not self replenishing. It would be nice if when you take a drink, please replace. Everyone deserves a cold drink. Don't be selfish.

related: But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

Tags: beverages · CAPS LOCK · New York · office · office fridge

Hand-washing for non-believers

June 8th, 2007 · 26 Comments

Explains our anonymous submitter in St. Louis: “I just lost my job at [giant pharmaceutical company]. I was feeling rather passive-aggressive, so I tore this flyer down from the inside of the bathroom stall. It has been there for over three years.”

Several people are complaining that People on this floor are using the restroom and they are NOT washing their hands. Dirty hands spread disease. Please wash your hands. If you don't believe in washing your hands, please refrain from touching the copier, the coffee pot, the ice machine, door handles, the elevator button....etc. Please respect others around you and wash your hands! Thank you

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · danger · excessive underlining · hygiene · Missouri · office · touching · washing your hands

This room is protected by the Constitution

June 7th, 2007 · 75 Comments

This isn’t just a note — it’s a work of art. And it’s about 100 shades of amazing.

I’ll let Rich explain: “I had a party at my house once in college, and one of our roommates who was going to be gone was really scared that someone was going to sleep in his bed. so, instead of, you know, telling us not to use his room, he decided to post this hilarious note that only an aspiring personal injury lawyer could produce.”

This room is protected by the Constitution

I don't care if you just want a place to sleep STAY OUT. This is room is protected as later defined from trespassing. There is privileged information contain within.

Being in this room may be a violation of some or all of the following

Penalties Defined - per Iowa code + Federal law

related: CARE — it makes a difference

Tags: "helpful" advice · college life · excessive underlining · Iowa · more like crazy · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · roommates · TL;DR · touching

A holiday wish

June 6th, 2007 · 9 Comments

Writes Heidi in Kansas City, Missouri: “In my building, the decorating committee of condo owners added lamps to the hallway tables on each floor. Someone started turning the lamps off on some floors, and someone else left this note on the bulletin board in the building’s laundry room. Gotta love that festive holiday stationery!”

WE WISH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TURNING OFF THE HALL LIGHTS WOULD GET A LIFE

Tags: holiday spirit · Kansas City · lighting · neighbors · nice stationery

priorities

June 6th, 2007 · 5 Comments

from the offices of “a large internet company” in northern virginia…priorities.jpgthanks to liz for submitting!

Tags: bathroom · group bitchfest · office · smiley · toilet · Virginia

Nobody wants to see that

June 6th, 2007 · 14 Comments

From an all-girls floor of a Boston University dorm…

Just a friendly note: Kindly shut the door when you're making out.

Ah, college. Thanks to Vicky in Boston for submitting!

Tags: Boston · college life · grow up · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · sex sex sex

studying up on bedside manner might not be a bad idea

June 5th, 2007 · 38 Comments

CC found this note in one of the study carrels at her large midwestern med school:

cubicle.jpg

this was her response:

cub2.jpg

(she continues on a second page.)

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · Michigan · moving/not moving · smartass

Thanks for eating my lunch

June 5th, 2007 · 12 Comments

(Charlie in Los Angeles did not eat your lunch.)

PLEASE RETURN CREAMER TO FRIDGE WHEN YOU ARE DONE. [thanks for eating my lunch...AND MINE!] [No problem Guys. Bring some more tomorrow. :) JP

Tags: excessive underlining · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · office · office fridge · smartass · smiley · spelling and grammar police · stealing

There you go, bringing Him into it again

June 4th, 2007 · 38 Comments

What Would Jesus Steal?

Jesus doesn't steal Poptarts. NEITHER SHOULD YOU...

Jesus didn't steal hot wings & Pizza rolls Neither should you!! JJ + Destiny

This classroom is covered by the blood of Jesus. You deal with Him when you steal from children!

(Thanks to Sarah at Greenville College (a Christian school in Illinois) and  James in Beaumont, Texas for their submissions.)

related: Would Jesus steal jelly?

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · food · Illinois · Jesus · stealing · you know who you are