Sarah in Richmond says this jack-o-lantern appeared just minutes ago near the stairs to her apartment. We’ll call this the “before” shot…

Stay tuned for the “after” photo: punkin stomped to bits by contrarian trick-or-treaters.

Happy Halloween, kids!

My former roommate Eric inspired this roundup (and an overly dramatic round of gagging/hair-pulling/eye-gouging on my part) by passing along a photo of this sign spotted on Marco Island, Florida — though it could have been anywhere on Main Street, USA. (Note the small print at top, which reads: “Signs sold in our gift shop.”)

I think the only thing that could make this sign more irritating would be if it said — shudder — “expresso.” This sign must be stopped!

related: Unattended children will be shot

Bradley in New York woke up yesterday to find this little love note from his girlfriend. (His explanation? “She’s a light sleeper.”) I feel her pain. If there’s a sound more irritating than a Nokia ring tone, the pathetic “I’m dying” whine of an out-of-juice cell phone just might be it.

Meanwhile, Chris’s friend Michelle doesn’t appreciate having her beauty rest disturbed, either…

Lanqui spotted this note on a moped that was locked to a street sign in Greenwich Village. That bit of orange there? Yup, that would be a ticket.

Lisa in Berkeley says she was doing laundry in her dorm building when someone pointed out this amazing note to her. “According to that person, who knew the note-poster through a friend, ‘The towels were actually nice. They were from Kohl’s or something.’”

Lisa says the note has since been taken down. “I guess either an RA got to it, or someone got a beating.”

aarwenn from seattle found this note in her office’s cafeteria, which she says is a hot spot for bad writers with passive-aggressive issues. “of course,” she says, “here at Large Aerospace Company, a lot of us have ‘issues.’”

Chris has held on to this note from his college days at SUNY Binghamton since 1990, which I believe makes this the oldest note to grace this site thus far.

The years seem to have given him some perspective on the situation, and Chris fully admits to being the apartment’s “thermostat tyrant,” always nagging everyone to turn down the heat at night (to 55 degrees) and especially over holidays and long weekends. But this note from his roommate was apparently enough to show him the error of his ways.

After this, Chris says, “I did relax with the thermostat nagging, I think.” (The hamster was unavailable for comment.)

related: We ALL live here

This exercise in how not to get a job is brought to us by an anonymous submitter in Kansas City. The worst part? Before sending this e-mail, this guy was actually in the top five.