Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Garage sales are serious business.

May 29th, 2012 · 94 Comments

Amy in Ohio found this delightful diatribe while browsing through area garage sale listings on Craigslist. “Fortunately I snapped a screenshot, because this gem was soon flagged for removal,” she says. “My favorite part: ‘…nothing but ignorance!’”

To ALL individuals having garage sales and the like. IF you are having a garage sale, PLEASE DO NOT close up at 1:00 p.m. You know you are having a garage sale and to close up so early is nothing but ignorance! Like the flea market vendors. Many people must work (thank God) until 3:00 p.m. or later BEFORE they can make it to any of these functions, and to close up early tells me you are not interested in selling at all, just to have the function to feel you need to be part of a group of people to sit around and gossip and eat. In that case, why not just have hot dogs and pop and not have the garage sale. Also, if you are going to let your nit wit children handle it, well,  you just lost money as well. So please, when having your supposed garage sale, please stay open later or just give it all to the your local charities and get a write off. Gas is very expensive to go running from door to door, let alone to do nothing but close up at 1:00 p.m. and talk with nit wit kids!!!!

related: Some advice on holding a garage sale

Tags: Craigslist · garage sale · most popular notes of 2012 · Ohio · unsolicited feedback

This bartender’s got your number

May 27th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Fun fact: according to a Pew Research report, 30% of young adults have pretended to be using their phone in order to avoid interacting with the people around them.

If you’re one of them, here’s a head’s up: Your awkward penguin moves aren’t gonna help you at Gestalt Haus in San Francisco.

If you are going to use the restroom without buying anything, don't pretend to get a phone call on the way out in order to avoid eye contact with the bartender. Thanks —MGMT

Adds our submitter, Carly: “Even though I bought plenty of beer while I was there, I still felt like I needed to make eye contact with the bartender when coming out of the pisser. And that gets a little awkward after a while.”

related: Drip-dry only, ladies

Tags: bar · most popular notes of 2012 · oh snap · San Francisco · toilet

I judge you as fat

May 21st, 2012 · 220 Comments

Eerac and I met up in Barcelona last week, where we climbed lots and lots of stairs. The one time we didn’t, of course, the Metro station totally called us out.

Barcelona

Eric and I are still climbing stairs (now in Poland and Portugal, respectively), where we haven’t yet seen any similar signs. Back in the States, however, Christine in L.A. spotted this rather harsh version in the elevator of a 7-story university residence hall.

I judge you as FAT when you take the elevator from the lobby to floors 2 and 3* Take the STAIRS! You NEED it! *Unless you're injured or carrying heavy shit or in a wheelchair.

related: Buffalo, please use the elevator

Tags: elevator · hey fatty · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2012 · way harsh

Hundreds & Thousands (of bad things will befall you)

May 19th, 2012 · 35 Comments

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

CUSTOMERS WHO STEAL TOPPINGS: Will be shamed for life, be cursed with 7 years bad luck, suffer heartache, never find true love, DIE eventually, lose their self-respect, & more...

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

 

Tags: New Jersey · warning

Admit it, you hate us.

May 17th, 2012 · 72 Comments

A few months ago, Christie in North Carolina joined a group on Meetup.com, but never found the time to attend any of the actual meetups. This, it seems, is a serious breach of Meetup netiquette. Recently, the group’s owner did Christie the favor of explaining why she was being kicked out of the group — for her own benefit, of course.

Soooo....*twittles [sic] thumbs* its been more than 3mths and you haven't joined us ONCE??? Admit it, you hate us, and I can imagine its gotta be pretty darn annoying to get so many notifications from a group that you DON'T want to participate in SO, ....let me to do you a favor... Ill remove you from this group and if you ever have a change of heart you can come back. :-) HOWEVER, keep in mind we are an active group and only active members are invited, so I'll have my eye on you! Tough love hurts but somebody's gotta do it or you'll never try something new! Welp until next time.... *tear

 

Tags: "helpful" advice · e-mail · North Carolina · painfully polite · smiley

More to come on that in the DSM V

May 15th, 2012 · 29 Comments

Explains Kevin in Los Angeles: ”The hospital basement has a corridor lined with call rooms assigned to the residents from various medical specialties. While the department of medicine easily surpasses all other specialties in number of reserved rooms, they have started squatting in other rooms as well. It looks like the psych residents were not pleased by this antisocial behavior.”

Psychiatry residents take overnight in-house call every day just like medicine. Please do not use this call room if you are not part of the Psychiatry department. THANK YOU!! [WE ALSO HAVE AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX, BUT MORE ON THAT IN THE DSM V.]

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

Tags: California · hospitals & doctors · shrinks

A diarrhea-only toilet?

May 10th, 2012 · 60 Comments

Well, this is a new one.

“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”

Notice: Due to plumbing issues, please use this stall for

related: How you say diarrhea politely?

Tags: Illinois · most popular notes of 2012 · shit · toilet

This discombobulation will not stand.

May 7th, 2012 · 30 Comments

“While stopping for our millionth potty break,” a road-tripping Rachel from Atlanta pondered the circumstances that could have inspired this intolerable discombobulation at a Tennessee gas station. “I don’t know what happened,” she says, “but that’s a hell of a lot of exclamation marks!!!”

Discombobulation of the cooler will no longer be tollerated [sic]!!! If you to STOCK or DELIVER, YOU will take out your trash and keep it NICE AND CLEAN!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

p.s. dis·com·bob·u·la·tion, noun — confusion: a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused

related: Pain (and disgust) at the pump

Tags: exclamation-point happy!!!! · gas station · Tennessee

Busted by Sir Richard Carlisle

May 1st, 2012 · 50 Comments

Matt and his girlfriend were taking a stroll through her parents’ neighborhood (of mostly-legal manor homes?) when they came across this pile of aging newspapers.

“We thought it was good of the employer to be willing to give the delivery boy a chance to explain himself,” Matt says. “However, the sign remains.”

I AM PAYING YOU TO DELIVER MY PAPERS NOT DUMP THEM IN AN ILLEGAL MANOR. GET IT RIGHT, DO YOUR JOB, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE. PLEASE PICK UP THESE PAPER AND BRING THEM WITH THE SIGN TO MY OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. YES I DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW YOU. YOUR BOSS, RICHARD

I AM PAYING YOU TO DELIVER MY PAPERS NOT DUMP THEM IN AN ILLEGAL MANOR. GET IT RIGHT, DO YOUR JOB, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE. PLEASE PICK UP THESE PAPER AND BRING THEM WITH THE SIGN TO MY OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. YES I DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW YOU. YOUR BOSS, RICHARD

related: What’s black, white, and totally over?

extra credit: Arrested Downton

Tags: I know who you are · newspaper · now that's management · Oregon

A serenity prayer with bite

April 27th, 2012 · 44 Comments

Kelli in North Dakota says one of her neighbors plastered the entire building with these notes, directed to a certain wannabe baseball player/bull rider/oral cancer patient.

(Some not-so-fun facts: At 15.3%, North Dakota has the second-highest rate in the country of tobacco-chewing high schoolers. Among North Dakotan adult males, about 1 in 10 chews.)

Dear God, Please do not let me find out who put their chew on my door handle. Grant me the strength to not want to rip their bottom lip off when I find out who it was!

Meanwhile, here in Texas, submitter Katie is unsure whether her neighbors’ cars are being pelted with the likes of Copenhagen or queso. (In Texas, it really could go either way.)

TO WHOEVER IS THROWING DIP ON OUR CARS. I HOPE I CATCH YOU!

related: My garbage can is not your spit cup. 

Tags: God · neighbors · North Dakota · not-so-veiled threats · Texas · thanks (but not really)