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Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Do you have a conscience?

August 28th, 2012 · 37 Comments

Visiting her friend’s apartment for the first time, Kristin in New York City couldn’t help but notice that the entryway was completely covered with ALL CAPS notes from the building’s landlord. Among her favorites was this meta-monstrosity.

Says Kristin: “I love how his tone is over-the-top aggressive, but his actual threat isn’t that scary, given that, as far as I could tell, he’s the only one putting up signs.”

NOTICE WARNING For the last time! Do Not EVER take down/move any sign I put up!! If this EVER happens AGAIN, I will take down ANYTHING on any hallway WALL or DOOR that I did not put up. LAST REMINDER (which should not be necessary!!) DON'T EVER TOUCH ANY SIGN I PUT UP OR ANYTHING in the main floor hallway (THAT BELONGS TO ME)!! Thank you, Abbott

Another of Kristin’s favorites was this one, about water usage. “I’m not sure how overuse of water in New York impacts people in Haiti, but OK!”

Do you have a conscience? Think of all the many Haitians who are dying for just a drop of the water you are wasting. Remember God sees all! THINK!!!

related: Love, the Landlord

Tags: CAPS LOCK · guilt trip · landlords and property managers · New York · warning

Which response is classier?

August 27th, 2012 · 48 Comments

These two different approaches to the same problem were submitted within minutes of each other.

Exhibit a) From Hipsterville, Brooklyn, Like a Sir, as spotted by Kaitlin:

To whomever is stealing our NY Times each morning, this is your first, last and only warning: stop it! We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.

Exhibit b) From Niceville, Minnesota, Killing you with Kindness, as spotted by Bitsy:

Good Morning! I don't mind if you take my newspaper to read — I know you are trying to stay current with the local news — 

related: All the news that’s fit to steal

Tags: Brooklyn · Minnesota · neighbors · newspaper · stealing

Doo unto others

August 26th, 2012 · 24 Comments

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

Don't forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet. Please, keep my Father's house clean!

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”

 

Tags: Denver · God · Houston · shit · toilet · toilet paper

Soda shaming

August 23rd, 2012 · 48 Comments

Well, now that dog shaming is officially a thing…

I wasn’t invited to Shakespeare in the Park so I ate all the Shakespeare off the bookshelf.

…it was really only a matter of time before we moved onto the shaming of non-sentient beings.

I am a FRAUD. I hid in the slot where Dr. pepper is supposed to be so that someone has to buy me and drink my horrible flavor. She took two drinks, cursed me, and made me wear this note in shame.

related: Nutranot-so-sweet

Tags: beverages · public shaming · San Antonio · vending machine drama

I love you, Mommy. Your sandwiches? Not so much.

August 16th, 2012 · 36 Comments

Rita in Utah was on the phone when her daughter handed her this note (less than a month into the school year). Says Rita: “I love how she tries to ‘soften the blow!’”

Dear Mommy, I Love You...but I want to buy school lunch tomoroe [sic]. thank you!

Gold star, kiddo. There are some adults who could take some note-writing pointers from you.

related: When kids “punish” their parents with the silent treatment

Tags: food · kids · Mother-daughter notes · not so much passive-aggressive · Utah

Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 Comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing

If you’ve worked in retail, you can probably relate

August 8th, 2012 · 114 Comments

Writes Stephanie in Houston: “Looks like someone got a little tired of folding shirts.”

SHIRTS ALL SIZE LARGE ALL JUST ALIKE

related: Thanks for NOT shopping here!

Tags: Houston · retail hell

The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

Tags: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet

Spilled Milk Carton Kids

August 3rd, 2012 · 23 Comments

Karen in Madison, Wisconsin says her daughter left this note on the fridge sometime between midnight and 6:30 am:

If you are going to leave an open bottle of milk on its side in the fridge, make sure the cap is ALL the way on!!! I'm angry with you. >:(

The following afternoon, her brother came back with this:

*ATTENTION* If you ever want to see your milk cap again place 100 dollars in the envelope below

related: Lactose Intolerance

Tags: family · Madison · milk

The not-so-laid-back part of Portland

July 30th, 2012 · 69 Comments

“I don’t know the back story here,” says Katie in Portland, Oregon, “but it seems like a better solution would have been to just, I don’t know, not park illegally?”

Dear Neighbor, Please extend the courtesy of ringing my doorbell and speaking to me before calling Parking Enforcement again. Thank you, Terri

related: How NOT to get out of a parking ticket

Tags: neighbors · parking · Portland · the po-po