Entries Tagged as 'United States'

We can put a man on the moon, but…

June 11th, 2012 · 33 Comments

This [plagiarized] note comes to us from a staff restroom at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “This is just great,” says our submitter. “We can put a 7-degrees-of-freedom robotic arm in space that can build a space station, but we can’t get a ‘wall robot’ to work…or even send in a work order request to get it fixed.”

Thank you...motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, would you care to test out this motion sensor hand towel machine for yourself?

Aaaaand…there you have it.

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “Nice Work If You Can Get It” [This American Life]

Tags: bathroom · Houston · office · thanks (but not really)

A one-two brunch

June 10th, 2012 · 39 Comments

Writes Jennifer in Denver: “At the restaurant where I work, my co-worker has had some issues with the cooks not reading his tickets correctly.” (Apparently, Scott’s not one for the “you catch more flies with honey” approach.)

EGGS BENEDICT: PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP THIS TIME

related: How NOT to earn great restaurant tips

Tags: Denver · restaurant

Flowcharts for a positive apartment-sharing experience

June 5th, 2012 · 56 Comments

Four roommates, a half-gallon of stolen ice cream, and 9 months worth of unflushed toilets went into the making of these two flowcharts.

Refrigerator flowchart

Bathroom Flow Chart: for a positive lavatory experience!

related: Hover & Flow(chart)

Tags: battle of the sexes · flow chart · food · fridge · most popular notes of 2012 · Ohio · roommates · toilet

To spray or not spray?

June 3rd, 2012 · 73 Comments

At our submitter’s office in Fort Worth, the third-floor ladies room has an ongoing problem. “Every single day,” our submitter explains, one particular person uses the facilities and then sprays enough perfume to kill a cow…as if you could cover that smell.”

And yet, given the abundance of pro-sprayers in charge of office ladies’ rooms, I’m afraid this is bound to remain another one of those never-ending workplace disagreements.

If you "poo" in the "loo"....Please don't spray perfume, because it still smells "ewww". (There is nothing worse than perfumed poo. The "poo" smell is still there, but not we have another assault on our poor nose.) We 'poo' too.... It's OK.... Really.....

related: Have you tried Giant Migraine™ scented air freshener?

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · ellipses-crazed · message to all intended for one · odor · shit

Or…how about no signs at all?

May 31st, 2012 · 37 Comments

Scoffs our submitter in Los Angeles: “Because as a healthy, functioning, adult, you really need to be reminded that you’re a good person for cleaning up after yourself.”

Can we put up any positive signs?

related: Three never-ending office arguments

Tags: Los Angeles · microwave · office · rebuttals

Garage sales are serious business.

May 29th, 2012 · 94 Comments

Amy in Ohio found this delightful diatribe while browsing through area garage sale listings on Craigslist. “Fortunately I snapped a screenshot, because this gem was soon flagged for removal,” she says. “My favorite part: ‘…nothing but ignorance!’”

To ALL individuals having garage sales and the like. IF you are having a garage sale, PLEASE DO NOT close up at 1:00 p.m. You know you are having a garage sale and to close up so early is nothing but ignorance! Like the flea market vendors. Many people must work (thank God) until 3:00 p.m. or later BEFORE they can make it to any of these functions, and to close up early tells me you are not interested in selling at all, just to have the function to feel you need to be part of a group of people to sit around and gossip and eat. In that case, why not just have hot dogs and pop and not have the garage sale. Also, if you are going to let your nit wit children handle it, well,  you just lost money as well. So please, when having your supposed garage sale, please stay open later or just give it all to the your local charities and get a write off. Gas is very expensive to go running from door to door, let alone to do nothing but close up at 1:00 p.m. and talk with nit wit kids!!!!

related: Some advice on holding a garage sale

Tags: Craigslist · garage sale · most popular notes of 2012 · Ohio · unsolicited feedback

This bartender’s got your number

May 27th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Fun fact: according to a Pew Research report, 30% of young adults have pretended to be using their phone in order to avoid interacting with the people around them.

If you’re one of them, here’s a head’s up: Your awkward penguin moves aren’t gonna help you at Gestalt Haus in San Francisco.

If you are going to use the restroom without buying anything, don't pretend to get a phone call on the way out in order to avoid eye contact with the bartender. Thanks —MGMT

Adds our submitter, Carly: “Even though I bought plenty of beer while I was there, I still felt like I needed to make eye contact with the bartender when coming out of the pisser. And that gets a little awkward after a while.”

related: Drip-dry only, ladies

Tags: bar · most popular notes of 2012 · oh snap · San Francisco · toilet

I judge you as fat

May 21st, 2012 · 220 Comments

Eerac and I met up in Barcelona last week, where we climbed lots and lots of stairs. The one time we didn’t, of course, the Metro station totally called us out.

Barcelona

Eric and I are still climbing stairs (now in Poland and Portugal, respectively), where we haven’t yet seen any similar signs. Back in the States, however, Christine in L.A. spotted this rather harsh version in the elevator of a 7-story university residence hall.

I judge you as FAT when you take the elevator from the lobby to floors 2 and 3* Take the STAIRS! You NEED it! *Unless you're injured or carrying heavy shit or in a wheelchair.

related: Buffalo, please use the elevator

Tags: elevator · hey fatty · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2012 · way harsh

Hundreds & Thousands (of bad things will befall you)

May 19th, 2012 · 35 Comments

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

CUSTOMERS WHO STEAL TOPPINGS: Will be shamed for life, be cursed with 7 years bad luck, suffer heartache, never find true love, DIE eventually, lose their self-respect, & more...

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

 

Tags: New Jersey · warning

Admit it, you hate us.

May 17th, 2012 · 72 Comments

A few months ago, Christie in North Carolina joined a group on Meetup.com, but never found the time to attend any of the actual meetups. This, it seems, is a serious breach of Meetup netiquette. Recently, the group’s owner did Christie the favor of explaining why she was being kicked out of the group — for her own benefit, of course.

Soooo....*twittles [sic] thumbs* its been more than 3mths and you haven't joined us ONCE??? Admit it, you hate us, and I can imagine its gotta be pretty darn annoying to get so many notifications from a group that you DON'T want to participate in SO, ....let me to do you a favor... Ill remove you from this group and if you ever have a change of heart you can come back. :-) HOWEVER, keep in mind we are an active group and only active members are invited, so I'll have my eye on you! Tough love hurts but somebody's gotta do it or you'll never try something new! Welp until next time.... *tear

 

Tags: "helpful" advice · e-mail · North Carolina · painfully polite · smiley