Entries Tagged as 'United States'

The milk chocolate…not in your hand

February 12th, 2012 · 32 Comments

There’s a vending machine troll on the loose in Chicago!

My Peanut M&Ms got stuck, so I'd either like my 80 cents back or my peanut M&Ms. Thanks! Deanna Response: I GOT 2 PEANUT M&Ms FOR THE PRICE OF 1! WHAT A GLORIOUS WEDNESDAY!

related: The Candyman Can’t

Tags: candy · Chicago · smartass · vending machine drama

The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

February 8th, 2012 · 28 Comments

If only there were a simple solution to this problem…

PRINTER OUT OF TONER Please use another Printer that has Toner. Because this one doesn't. Don't bother complaining. There are other Printers with Toner.  The Splash one is rarely used nowadays. It's lonely. It has excess toner. This message is a waste of toner. PROCRASTINATION.

related: PC Load Letter?!

Tags: Houston · most popular notes of 2012 · office · the printer

Wanted: Justice, with a side of fries.

February 2nd, 2012 · 65 Comments

A few days ago, says our submitter in Louisiana, a co-worker left her meal on the lunchroom table while she went to the restroom. When she came back, she discovered that some brazen mo-fo had jacked her sandwich, leaving the empty bag behind.

“Being from the Creative Marketing department,” our submitter says, “she decided to fight back against the food thief with this.”

Wanted: Justice. With a Side of Fries.

related: Creative approaches to food thievery

extra credit: Crime Scene Sandwich Bags

Tags: Baton Rouge · food · stealing

…and then there’s the glass half-full approach.

February 1st, 2012 · 47 Comments

There’s the typical New York City note…

"Please do not unplug the coffeemaker" "PLEASE DO NOT USE WHIMSICAL FONTS"

And then there’s the Willamette Valley way…

Well, at least it's not Papyrus.

related: Completely valid rebuttals

Tags: Comic Sans Alert · most popular notes of 2012 · New York · Oregon · smartass

Good God, Lemon.

January 31st, 2012 · 52 Comments

Our submitter spotted this unusual sales pitch while driving in Livermore, California. (“The dealership sucks, the car sucks, but it’s for sale if you want to buy it!”)

This pile of crap gets 8 mpg not the 18 to 22 mpg I was told. Livermore Ford will outright lie to sell you garbage. A Sunkist Ford. It is very dependable to breakdown. Super crappy ... for sale.

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

Tags: California · car · public shaming

No Dumping Zone

January 30th, 2012 · 40 Comments

To me this sounds suspiciously like an episode of The League, but Stephen from Cherry Hill, New Jersey claims his daughter recently caught him heading into the bathroom “for a little sit-down,” laptop in hand. When five-year-old Rosie asked why Daddy was bringing his computer into the fecal mist zone, he replied, “Multi-tasking.”

A few minutes later, Rosie slipped the following note under the door. (The drawing had already been done earlier.)

What are you thinking Dad? That's a horrible thing to do.

Translation: What are you thinking Dad? That’s a horrible thing to do.

Can you really argue with her?

related: Never put nature aside for television.

Tags: Father-daughter notes · hygiene · kids · New Jersey

Gas Boys: the Salonnières of Central New Jersey

January 29th, 2012 · 29 Comments

My friend Brooke said the doors at this New Jersey gas station were covered with notes, but this one in particular caught her attention.

I exactly know today is a cold day and to stay alive I have to stay warm! I have a smart phone which tell me weather seven days ahead. I like to talk about Oscars nomination or the last night game.

(I particularly enjoyed the suggested topics of conversation. Kinda softened the tone a bit compared to this version from Toronto, no?)

Weather changes. Often. It's not always what you expect. Sometimes it is. Life is better if you are dressed appropriately for the weather. I think we have, pretty much, squared away the deal with weather.

related: A plea from your Boston-area barista

 

Tags: gas station · New Jersey · small talk

Tony Q69: Never Forget

January 26th, 2012 · 48 Comments

Jen in Astoria takes the Q69 bus to work every morning, so she’s quite familiar with the infamous Tony. “I hadn’t seen them in some time,” she says, until catching a glimpse of this beauty just a few days ago. (“Apparently,” she adds, “the chick is still pissed.”)

Tony Q-69 Tony Q69 Tony Q69 You Tony Q-69, are the only one who should feel guilty and sorry over what happened!!!! You are the Married Man who was only looking to get SEX from me without any strings attached!!! This was your only intentions! You Don’t know how to give a Woman any Real friendship either!!!!! You use Your Q-69 job to flirt with Woman all Day long and everyday! You cannot be trusted and you don’t deserve any attention at all!!!! I won’t forget your famous line how you say that, “Married Man are lonely too”. Then it looks like all you need is a Prostitute Tony!!!! I was not looking for any one night stands with a Married Man fool!!!!  But you are for sure Mr. one-night stand and used many Woman! You Married Men are all Garbage and are worth absolutely nothing!!!! What Woman needs a Married Man? I am a single woman and I deserve a trusting, loyal,Sincere, Man in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Astoria…

Tony Q69

related: The Tale of Tony Q-69

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · ex drama · public shaming · public transit · Queens

Got game?

January 23rd, 2012 · 32 Comments

While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine.

Keep Reading You still will be single. - God

Haterz still will hate, I guess?

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

Tags: "helpful" advice · California · gaming · God · way harsh

It’s not a chore; it’s a date!

January 16th, 2012 · 19 Comments

Spotted by Kathy at her office lunchroom in Seattle:

1: Hate to state the obvious...But-Your Mother doesn't work here...Please clean up after yourselves 2: Mom never really did much cleaning. She was kind of a drunk. 3: it shows...

The real sad reality?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqDzKad2Q3M

 

related: You sure nag like my mother…

Tags: cleaning · office · rebuttals · Seattle · smartass · Your mother doesn't...