Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Hover & Flow(chart)

November 15th, 2011 · 131 Comments

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

When you pee, do you squat and hover over the toilet seat?

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Tags: etiquette · flow chart · most popular notes of 2011 · New York · office · piss · toilet

The Toilet Paper Manifesto

November 14th, 2011 · 90 Comments

When four people share one bathroom, true equity in toilet-paper purchasing is nearly impossible to come by without conflict.

Just take a look at the opening salvo issued at Laura’s apartment in Georgia:

Clearly, you use the bathroom, which means that you use the 12 rolls of toilet paper I bought a week ago. And you bought 4. Really? Is this okay in the eyes of baby Jesus? Equality is important in today's society. Do you know who doesn't like equality? TERRORISTS. TERRORISTS DO NOT LIKE EQUALITY.

…and the first response:

I've started using my own toilet paper. Sorry for any confusion.

Your move, “Scott.”

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: college life · Georgia · gloriously redundant · Jesus · p.s. · rebuttals · roommates · signed with love · smartass · toilet paper · visual aids

If a tree falls in my kitchen but I don’t know where the broom is located…

November 10th, 2011 · 81 Comments

Savanna in Michigan says her landlord left this note on the kitchen floor “next to a tiny pile of tiny scraps of trash on the floor from dinner I had made.” Her excuse? “I don’t think we even have a broom, and if we do I have no idea where he keeps it.”

Um, Savanna, honey? No. Just…no.

The question I'm asking myself...

related: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Tags: anthropomorphism · cleaning · landlords and property managers · Michigan · signed with love

Why can’t I turn this toaster on?

November 8th, 2011 · 59 Comments

Instead of letting the Facilities Dept. know that the toaster was broken, the folks in Catherine’s office opted to collaboratively solve the problem Apollo-13 style, using only the paper products found in the office supply cabinet.

The major difference? This time, failure was an option.

Won't heat up. (Maybe it's just not that into you?) It's not plugged in! (Even plugged in it doesn't work!)

related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

Tags: kitchen · note wars · office · Oregon · smartass · toaster

Clap Your Hands Say Nah

November 7th, 2011 · 85 Comments

“For the past couple of weeks,” writes Anna in Oakland, “someone in the alley or the building next door to mine has started clapping every day at 8:30 a.m. Just clapping. For at least ten minutes at a time. It’s been driving me crazy, and apparently I’m not the only one.”

Yeah, I can see how that would get old.

Dear neighbor who likes to clap by his open window on the alley early in the morning: Please have some consideration for your neighbors who are still sleeping. Please close your window. Or do your clapping thing in the middle of the day instead of the early morning. Thanks, A neighbor who sleeps later than you.

related: What the hell is going on at this office?

Tags: neighbors · noise · Oakland · WTF?

What am I, the office sugar mama?

October 31st, 2011 · 111 Comments

Writes Heather in Kentucky: “I keep a basket of candy on my desk, but after having my candy basket completely cleaned out during the night shift on several occasions, I started locking it in my boss’s office overnight.”

A few mornings later, she arrived at her desk to find this oh-so-thoughtful note from one sugar-deprived night-shift worker.

Heather, Hope your [sic] feeling better! Noticed your candy basket is missing so I got you a new one to fill.

related: This is a candy-optional office

Tags: "helpful" advice · candy · Kentucky · office · your/you're

While My Magnadoodle Gently Weeps

October 25th, 2011 · 64 Comments

Dave‘s eight-year-old daughter is a huge of the Beatles…and at this moment, a not-so-huge fan of her father.

I wish cute George Harrison was my Daddy instead of you!

Dave, perhaps in a few years she’ll appreciate that, if nothing else, at least you spared her the unibrow gene?

related: Abbey Road idiots

extra credit:
passive aggressive notes to your toddler via magnadoodle

Tags: Father-daughter notes · kids · most popular notes of 2011 · New York

The very delicate elevator

October 24th, 2011 · 52 Comments

Apparently the “this will damage elevator” meme is the most exciting thing to happen around this Cincinnati cubicle farm in a long time.

(According to our submitter, the photos below represent only a fraction of the variations that have popped up all over the office.)

DO NOT HOLD DOOR!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR! DO NOT HOLD LIGHT SWITCH!!!

DO NOT HOLD WATER FOUNTAIN LEVER!!! THIS WILL DAMAGE ELEVATOR!

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Cincinnati · elevator · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · smartass

My Other Kid Could Beat Up My Honor Student

October 19th, 2011 · 80 Comments

Writes Daniel in Oakland: “I love the tension between the ‘student of the month’ sticker on top and the totally passive-aggressive ‘every child is honored’ sticker below it.”

related: The car you drive can say a lot about you as a person.

Tags: car · Moms & Dads · Oakland · schools & teachers

But do people recognize ‘fine art’ when they see it?

October 18th, 2011 · 72 Comments

At the local art exhibit of the Utah State Fair: a smug reminder of what we already know, thankyouverymuch. As our submitter wrote, “We’re not animals, after all!”

But do people recognize

related: Signed, R. Mutt

Tags: art · Salt Lake City · touching