Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Things that go bump in the night

November 17th, 2013 · 52 Comments

Today on Passive-Aggressive Poetry Corner: A note our submitter from Maryland found slid under the door of her top-floor apartment.

Roses are red Violets are blue You're real loud Here's a list of things you do:  1. you stomp real loud like a hefalump 2. you move your furniture like you're an interior designer 3. there is a weird noise that happens in your common area 4. the steps you take sound like forced stomps 5. the loud noises happen at all hours We understand that you don't have to listen to people above you but please realize there are people underneath you

related: Ever wonder what it would be like sharing an office with William Carlos Williams?

Tags: Maryland · neighbors · noise · pure poetry

This is why people hate the Millennials

November 11th, 2013 · 283 Comments

Writes our submitter, a college student in Colorado who I would really like to smack some sense into: “We had a change in professors midway through the semester in my fiction workshop. The new professor does not understand that his class is not the absolute most important thing in the universe.”

(just click the image below to enlarge)

Rather than write a lengthy explanation of why it is a bad idea to come to my class without reading the material, or why typing away on your laptop or checking FB while I am speaking (or worse, while yours peers are leading discussion) is rude, I decided instead just to thank those of you who consistently come into class prepared and enthusiastic.

related: So, you were hoping to get an A for “asshole-like entitlement”?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · college life · Colorado · kids today · most popular notes of 2013

Not cool, dudebro

November 7th, 2013 · 104 Comments

The only think Derek — I’m sorry, “Dman” — had to say about this note was, “i live with some girls, and one is pretty funny.” Something tells that “funny ha ha” isn’t what comes to his roommates’ minds when mopping up Derek’s puddles of urine.

Derek, Peeing IN the toilet bowl is a non-negotiable part of having indoor plumbing; if you don't like aiming, go outside.

related: The Piddler on the Roof

Tags: actually totally reasonable · most popular notes of 2013 · New York · piss · roommates

Begging for a backstory

October 28th, 2013 · 38 Comments

Carolyn and her husband were intrigued by this message on a car they spotted at a roadside farmer’s market in Maryland. “We desperately wanted to know who the driver was and who wrote it,” Carolyn says. “Unfortunately, we never got to see either before we left.”

Bad Driver good girlfriend tho

So, what do you imagine the story is here?

related: What does your car say about you?

Tags: driving · Maryland · public shaming

WiBuy Local?

October 24th, 2013 · 67 Comments

“Foster’s Market in Chapel Hill, North Carolina is a pretty popular place right off a college campus,” says our submitter, Hope. “Lots of students come in, maybe get a coffee and sit for hours using the free wireless without buying anything else.” In response, the owners recently changed the name of the WiFi network. Gets the point across, no?

Our wireless network is called 'BUY A SANDWICH' and does not require a password

related: Passive-Aggressive WiFi

Tags: "customer service" · most popular notes of 2013 · North Carolina · restaurant

(Cat) Lady of the Night

October 22nd, 2013 · 95 Comments

Dear late-night cat: plz discipline ur lady. kthxbai.

A MESSAGE TO THE LATE NIGHT CAT LADY  1. DO YOU REALLY THINK STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AT 1 AM AND CALLING IN A HIGH, LOUD VOICE IS THE BEST WAY TO BRING HOME YOUR CAT?  2. DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR CAT CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE AND NOT YOUR NEIGHBORS?  3. DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR NEIGHBORS ENJOY YOU WAKING THEM FROM SLEEP AT 12, 1, OR 2 AM ON A NEARLY DAILY BASIS?  SUGGESTIONS: 1. BRING YOUR CAT IN BEFORE 10 PM.  2. REALIZE THAT YOUR VOICE CARRIES AND THE HOUSES ON THIS STREET ARE CLOSE TOGETHER.  3. CONSIDER GETTING A DIFFERENT PET - MAYBE A GOLDFISH.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

Tags: "helpful" advice · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · Oakland

Another year without the Great Pumpkin

October 17th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Well, it’s that time of year again…time for heartless hooligans to smash pumpkins (and with them, the hearts of small, gourd-loving children).

David in California spotted this sign next to a small field of corn and pumpkins located next to a popular public jogging trail.

Whoever stole the Big Pumpkin you broke a little boy's heart

related: It’s hard out there for a pumpkin.

Tags: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Halloween · stealing · Won't somebody think of the children?

Four horsemen…and a microwave

October 15th, 2013 · 25 Comments

Rachel in California says the breakroom at her office hasn’t caused many problems in the past, but a recent wave of new hires has changed that. “The last time I opened the microwave it was stuffed with paper towels, the walls were slathered in orange goop, and it smelled like rotting horse flesh.” (In other words, like a frozen lasagna from Tesco?)

Is this a post-apocalyptic world where the blacks and whites of morality have blurred into a hazy grey and every man takes care of himself and only himself? No? Then CLEAN THE MICROWAVE AFTER YOU USE IT!

related: Someday, when society has all but crumbled around you…

Tags: California · cleaning · microwave · office

My neighbor, the nihilist

October 13th, 2013 · 49 Comments

Hannah in Austin made the poster to the right — inspired by one of her favorite poets, Mary Oliver — and hung it in her window. A few weeks later, she woke up to find that her next-door neighbor had added a piece of his own.

ONE WILD PRECIOUS LIFE  - ONE BORING POINTLESS EXISTENCE

related: I have a problem with your window manners

Tags: Austin · neighbors · smartass

Trash talk

October 8th, 2013 · 16 Comments

Our submitter in Chicago says that there a used to be a trash can near the front door of her apartment building, but because it was always overwhelming with doggie poop bags and other smelly trash, she wasn’t sad to see it go. Apparently, some of her neighbors are still in denial.

Attn: In case you haven't notice, there is NO trashcan in this space any more. Please be kind and take your petty trash out 5 steps to the dumpster, instead of leaving it here for someone else to clean up. THANKS. —a resident who throws their trash in its proper place  FUCK YOU! WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRASH CAN? -PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESIDENT

related: I don’t want to touch the bathroom door handle, so I’m just going to toss my paper towel on the floor

Tags: Chicago · garbage · neighbors · rebuttals · that's trashy