Entries Tagged as 'United States'

A bit of a spat over the pitter-patter of little feet

May 21st, 2014 · 159 Comments

Holly in Glendale, Arizona says her one-year-old daughter just learned how to walk, and (as toddlers do)  enjoys toddling around the apartment. Holly and her husband have tried explaining this to the downstairs neighbors, to no avail. “They bang on the ceiling, which scares the living sh*t out of my little girl,” Holly says, and have called the cops  — “whose response was to apologize for disturbing us.”

Now, Holly says, “As soon as my one-year-old walks into the kitchen, the woman who lives below us will immediately run up our stairs and throw herself against our door, screaming and threatening us.”

I feel you, Holly, but maybe those “my first stilettos” are a bit much?

Don't know what the hell you are doing up there all night but you do have neighbors whom live below you. The noise, stomping, and banging has got to stop. If it doesn't a complaint will be made and if it still continues the police. Please be courteous.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

extra credit: A baby elephant takes its first steps [youtube]

Tags: Arizona · kids · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats

Scapegoat of the Sea

May 12th, 2014 · 35 Comments

Joanna in Boston says this started with “have a blessed day,” and has continued to escalate from there.

Please wash sink when you dump food, especially tuna fish. It reeks. HAVE A BLESSED DAY! Three most wanted tuna offenders. I feel discriminated against. I have good taste. Please note: Mary did not write this note. Mary is not passive-aggressive.  -Mary

related: Fish cookies, anyone?

Tags: Boston · fish · office · public shaming · rebuttals

Jock block

May 5th, 2014 · 52 Comments

Michael in Las Vegas went to pick up his mail today and spotted this cocky little note:

Whoever has my package that was delivered Wednesday April 23.....I hope you are enjoying my athletic supporter. It's to protect your balls....which obviously you have none! [sic]

related: Your ultra charmin’ neighbor

Tags: Las Vegas · neighbors · stealing

Curious sign is curious

April 29th, 2014 · 76 Comments

Any Portlanders know the story behind this sign? Our submitter, Sarah, is wondering, and now I am, too.

This is not a Japanese restaurant. You should slap the fool that told you those lies.

Aaaaand we have an answer. Thanks, Misti!

related: raw chicken + orgasms = ?

Tags: Portland · restaurant · WTF?

Microwave Business: A Story of Teamwork

April 21st, 2014 · 81 Comments

Writes our submitter in Washington, DC: “In my time at my job, the only real evacuations we’ve had are for the Virginia Earthquake, and, now, a microwave popcorn incident. While another floor was responsible, multiple members of my department took this as an opportunity to make statements about the frequent state of our very own sad microwave. I think this is a fine example of how a committed team can work together to create a masterpiece.”

Oh my, the popcorn fire photo of shame!

(just click the photo above to enlarge)

related: Especially Deborah

Tags: D.C. · microwave · popcorn · that's a fire hazard

You may work here, but you’re not my mother.

April 14th, 2014 · 106 Comments

Pam works at an accounting firm in St. Louis, where, around tax time, it’s not unusual for people to pack all three meals. How did you think Joan’s vigilante food-safety policing went over?

Missing: Three All Beef Hot Dogs

related: A bitter butter battle

Tags: food · non-apology apology · office · St. Louis

Ah, the miracle of childbirth!

March 13th, 2014 · 135 Comments

Isaac prefaces this by saying, “I feel bad for the person who posted this screed. I really do.”

But — and isn’t there always a but? — he adds: “The university library here has a HUGE laptop and gadget-theft problem, and there are signs everywhere warning people not to leave their stuff unattended. This guy left a $2000+ shiny Apple laptop just sitting on a table, with all of his super-sentimental irreplaceable pictures on it, and just walked away. And then expected nothing to happen. Really?

My Apple MacBook Pro was stolen January 30 from the Alexander Library at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J.  I have just a few words for the opportunistic, cowardly thief, and I would like to throw them out into the universe so I can move on:  First, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you are least some portion of an actual human being with a conscience and a degree or two of a moral compass...  Before you wipe my computer clean (and sell it to feed whatever disgusting vice moves you), you should open some of the folders of photography from the last 35 days. You will find all of the images and video I shot of my son Gavin since he was born on Dec, 31, 2013. Spending every moment I could with him since he was born, the backing up of my files took a back seat; your one selfish act has robbed Gavin, my wife, and my family of many irreplaceable memories. You stole everything we had to document Gavin's arrival into the world.  You should look at those photos and ask yourself a few questions about who you are. What kind of future do you think you will have if you are capable of so casually inflicting pain on other people? If you can look at those images of my son in the isolate, jabbed with i.v.'s and struggling to keep his premature body warm, and you don't feel something, then you are a lost cause. There is no pathos for you. You have chosen your path and you will walk alone to the grave. You have taken so much from me, my son, and my wife, but I can still pick up my son and feel his perfect breath on my cheek. Good luck ever finding that in your life.

related: Which is a more despicable crime?

Tags: college life · guilt trip · New Jersey · purple prose · stealing

Can’t you go back to parking down by the river?

March 5th, 2014 · 67 Comments

Writes Jack in Seattle: “A friend of ours is a professional tile setter and general handyman. Sometimes he stays over and parks his work van on our block. We found this note on his windshield one morning after Sunday brunch. It’s so typically ‘Seattle’ it’s hard to be offended.”

No offense but this van looks hella creepy at night.  can you park it in front of someone else's house from now on.  I'd really appreciate it.  Thanks :) -easily creeped out neighbor

Meanwhile, Charon noticed that this van-owner in Couer d’Alene, Idaho did get offended, “apparently because he owns a creepy van and people pointed out that it was creepy.”

hey lady I own a home next to the school, I like this van, and now I've been profiled for driving home. I work at the Hayden Library, my wife nurses the dying, you owe us an apology.

P.S. Van owner: Maybe “I own a home next to the school” wasn’t the best way to get your point across here?

related: I don’t know you, and this is crazy…but your boyfriend’s hot, and your parking’s lazy.

extra credit: the 10 creepiest vans [jalopnik.com]

Tags: Idaho · kinda creepy · parking · Seattle · smiley

“I power walked so powerfully I got the runs!”

March 4th, 2014 · 56 Comments

So, this happened.
To the 'power walker' in the black hoodie and sunglasses who POOPED behind this AC unit on the morning of February 28th. I just wanted to let you know that I saw your take your dump. You may want to choose a better spot the next time you feel the urge to go. P.S. Don't litter please. Next time take the tissue you wiped with.

And Dani in Texas…thanks for sharing?

related: A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”
extra credit: Nance Bodean’s Guide to Power Walking [youtube]

Tags: p.s. · shit · Texas

How many cliches can we fit on one piece of paper?

February 27th, 2014 · 55 Comments

So, which jumble o’ jargon would you rip off the wall first?

Exhibit A?

PLAY hard & WORK hard. Make everything count!

or Exhibit B?

Your mother does not work here! If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat (and floor!)

Coincidentally, both of these notes come to us from Colorado, apparently the least creative state in the union.

Go ahead and post those speculative explanations regarding The Centennial State’s staggering dearth of originality in the comments below. Then we’ll circle back to brainstorm some synergistic solutions. (“The Centennial State?” Really? It’s like you’re not even trying, Colorado!)

related: The rhyme that must be flushed

Tags: Colorado · office · toilet · Your mother doesn't...