Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Well, so much for “have a nice summer, see you next year”

July 4th, 2011 · 80 Comments

Writes Roxanne in New Jersey: “When my niece, Diana, returned from a yearbook-signing party, she showed me this inscription from a girl who Diana says she hardly even knows. We’re both dying to know what those terrible warnings about her could have been (but of course, grateful that Leah apparently gave her a chance in spite of them.)”

Hey Diana! It was great getting to know you this year.  A lot of people warned me about you, but you're not so bad! heart, Leah.

related: 2good 2be 4gotten

Tags: heart · mean girls · New Jersey · schools & teachers

July 4th Parade CANCELLED. Do you hate America?

June 30th, 2011 · 92 Comments

Since moving to Austin, I’ve learned that local neighborhood newsletters and listservs are some of the best sources for homegrown passive-aggressive fireworks. Though this particular example might seem relatively mild, our anonymous submitter claims the president of her neighborhood association typically does not disappoint in that department.

In the latest newsletter, “She passive-aggressively scolds the neighborhood for not volunteering (‘numerous requests have been sent out’) and then lists all the (supposedly) awesome things we will be missing out on because no one would volunteer. The last paragraph is the written equivalent of giving the middle finger with a polite smile on your face.”

Dear residents: For numerous years past, the same small group of volunteers has rallied the troops to make SRCC's very popular parade and picnic happen. Their children who enjoyed the event while growing up are now grown, and these volunteers are tired. Numerous requests have been sent out for the past three years for new blood, but none has materialized. So, this year, SRCC will not in any way be associated with a July 4th celebration.  What this means to you is that there will be no official parade, no parade permit, no police escort, no event insurance in case someone is hurt, no park reservations, and no food, drink, vendors, shade structures, politicians or entertainment at the park.  I sincerely hope that all of you enjoy your July 4th, wherever you may be, and that the SRCC event is revived in the future. Even if it isn't though, so many enjoyed the event for so many years that the memory will live on for a long time. Thank all of you volunteers so very much for keeping the event going as long as you did. You deserve a big round of applause.

related: Do you hate America?

Tags: Austin · neighbors

Next time, I’ll burn the mail.

June 23rd, 2011 · 110 Comments

Jillian and her roommates in Massachusetts recently found this note — which goes from 0 to 60 in half a page — outside their apartment door. At the time it was left, says Jillian: “None of us were home except the dog, who apparently needs to lose weight.”

But hey, neighbor? Even if they had been home, ignoring a knock hardly seems grounds for jumping straight to burning the mail. Apparently it is not a good month for chilling the fuck out.

Out of the kindness of my heart, I chose to bring the mail to your door in person, after it was wrongfully delivered to me. You ignored my knocks, while your obese feet tromp along our ceiling, unable to hide. Next time, I'll burn the mail. All actions feed more action. Spite and arrogance breed the same in others. YES. It is a good month to be a bitch.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

Tags: martyr complex · Massachusetts · mistaken identity · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · WTF?

I’m not exactly sure what a “pre-warning” is, but it sure sounds serious.

June 22nd, 2011 · 54 Comments

Roslyn in Houston found this note under her roommate’s windshield wiper just over a month after they both moved in. Puzzlingly, she says, “We do not own a rooster, nor have we ever seen or even heard one.”

(In that case, Roslyn, I’d tell your roommate’s boyfriend to pre-watch-out.)

This rooster is a serious problem!!! He is going to get hunted if someone doesn't get rid of him!! Pre-Warning!

related: Cock fight!

Tags: animal welfare · horses, cows, & chickens · Houston · neighbors · Oops? · warning

Lord of the Laundry Room

June 21st, 2011 · 298 Comments

I’m probably more than a little biased when it comes to determining whether or not Alan in Seattle — the writer of the note below and self-appointed Lord of the Laundry Room — is, in fact, an ass.

For one, even though I know the scent of fresh laundry is actually thanks to evil chemical compounds and not “mountain breeze” or “spring rain,” I still kinda love it. Of course, I don’t live in an apartment directly above a laundry room. Instead, I live in an apartment surrounded by chain smokers. And while I hardly enjoy the smell of cigarettes, I’ve managed to deal without threatening to confiscate my neighbors’ Marlboros and replace them with bottles of bubble solution. (I also keep my windows shut.)

What say you, troublemakers? Is Alan wrong? Or is he just an asshole?

Hello all...I am again asking for everyone to discontinue using any scented products in the laundry room. I live right above and the laundry room and the synthetic cheap

related: You’re not wrong, Walter

Tags: ellipses-crazed · laundry · neighbors · odor · Seattle

How to respectfully steal my food

June 15th, 2011 · 30 Comments

Compared to the notes we usually see about food theft, Steven seems like a pretty reasonable guy. But isn’t “respectful stealing” still something of an oxymoron?

Right.. So.. Eat my bread? Fine. Rather it not get moldy but put it back in the right spot. But to the dumbass who ate my jam: You are an asshat. You left the jam open with no lid and left white fluffy shit around the edges. Then put it back. Who did you think was going to eat jam with fluffy shit in it? So yeah. Next time you want to steal food be respectful and steal so food doesn't go to waste. I hate that. —Steven

recent: That Outback bread was…

Tags: bread · food · roommates · Seattle · stealing · that's disrespectful

Bad luck you

June 7th, 2011 · 150 Comments

“My parents have a large front yard,” writes David in Georgia, “and up until a few years ago, it had about 40 trees in it.” Unfortunately, an arborist informed David’s parents that those trees, while they looked normal enough, had become infested and essentially hollowed-out by insects, killing the trees and turning them into a pretty big safety risk in the case of a storm. At the arborist’s recommendation — and I’m sure, at all no small expense — David’s parents had the trees removed.

Fast forward a few months to December, when the family put up their usual holiday decorations — little trees made of Christmas lights — throughout the front yard. Soon after, David says, the family received two items of interest in their mailbox:

1. A certificate of recognition from the Arbor Day Foundation, “thanking us for our efforts to prevent further tree deaths”
2. This handmade holiday card.

Wishing you...

5 years' bad luck for each tree you killed....And if that wasn't bad enough, you have the nerve to make tacky 'trees' out of lights and call it holiday cheer. What's wrong with you? Sadly but sincerely, Your neighbors on Henderson Road

Adds David: “This person obviously put a lot of work into carefully drawing and writing it; the artwork and penmanship are immaculate. If only they’d put as much effort into asking us why we were having the trees removed.”

related: All together now…please don’t climb the tree!

Tags: Christmas · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Georgia · holiday spirit · neighbors · Oops?

You could be a part-time model

June 5th, 2011 · 70 Comments

New Year’s Eve, Miami, 2010: “A man handed me this and then walked away without a word,” our submitter recalls. “I was tipsy enough to be flattered for a moment.”

Title: Semi Pretty Girl In a Bar, Miami, 2010. Your beauty inspired me to high art.

related: A critique of your online dating profile

extra credit: “The Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)” [youtube.com]

Tags: art · backhanded compliment · drizzunk · Miami

Really, Garry, you had me at “plese.”

June 2nd, 2011 · 60 Comments

I asked our submitter if she might be able to snap another photo of this memo/notice — one without the ghostly reflection of the man in the wifebeater — but alas, she says, it has since been taken down and replaced with a new memo offering a $500 reward for information leading to the culprit still vandalizing the elevator.

And yet, now that I’ve spent a little time with this image (in all of its beautiful absurdity), I’ve come to feel that it just wouldn’t feel quite complete without wifebeater man. Because this, my friends, is a work of art.

Plese Stop Drawing Dics in the elevater. Thanx, Garry

related: Thx Sandra

Tags: elevator · landlords and property managers · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · vandalism · WTF?

What the hell is going on at this office?

May 29th, 2011 · 54 Comments

Writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “A coworker was cutting his fingernails into a community desk at work, so another coworker put on rubber gloves, collected the cuttings, and then put them into a sandwich bag with this note stapled on back in the drawer.”

The real kicker, though? As it turns out, there’s actually more than one nail-clipping culprit in the office, our submitter says, ”because several people took the note personally.”

Wha-wha-WHAT? I mean, one office weirdo — that’s practically a given. But an entire gang of clandestine communal-desk-drawer-nail-clipping coworkers?  That’s just messed up.

Please stop cutting nails into drawer! :(

related: Sorry, I thought those were the *shared* office toenail clippers

Tags: hygiene · Madison · sad face · that's disgusting · visual aids · WTF?