Entries Tagged as 'United States'

In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…

August 18th, 2011 · 77 Comments

Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

Hi Everyone, Effective immediately, [redacted] no longer works for [redacted]. On a more positive note, [redacted] (a new Qualifier) starts on Monday! Just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. I hope your [sic] having a great day!! TGIF... :) Thank you

related: Recession incentive plan

Tags: all-staff e-mail · California · fired · now that's management · smiley · your/you're

I pita the fool

August 17th, 2011 · 86 Comments

Writes Elizabeth in Massachusetts: “My dad has taken to mixing hummus and tabbouleh in a bowl and eating it like that, which some reason, drives my brother absolutely crazy. I looked in the fridge today and was not surprised at all to find this note, which my dad ignored.”

This is a dip; it should be accompanied by another piece of food such as a pita chip, pita bread, etc. Not to be eaten with just a spoon.

Something tells me Elizabeth’s brother might also have an opinion about whether toast can or cannot be refrigerated…and perhaps the appropriateness of Cinnamon Roll Casserole as a workplace snack.

related: The most inane thing since sliced bread

Tags: "helpful" advice · a matter of taste · Father-son notes · food · fridge · Massachusetts

This flamingo has flown

August 15th, 2011 · 34 Comments

Writes Leslie in Richmond, Virginia: “The note’s creator seems to have purposely made his/her community note as undecorative as possible, but left the USA sign, flag, toadstools, ceramic rabbit, and rainbow-colored pinwheels untouched.”

Due to some low-lifed piece of crap who has been stealing my decorations for the last three months i will no longer be decorating for the various holidays any longer.

Personally, I would have liked to see if adding of few of these to the yard would have solved the problem.

related: The Circle of Hell Dante forgot to mention

Tags: gloriously redundant · holiday spirit · neighbors · Richmond · stealing

A citation from the fat police

August 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments

Writes an office worker in Alabama: “A co-worker attends a weekly cooking class in town, and this week they made a Cinnamon Roll Casserole. The co-worker decided to bring it in to work and share it with the office.” The nerve of some people!

Hey J, Brining [sic] in food items that are very heavy in calories is only fueling people’s addiction to sugar. It is the same as fueling people other desire in pursuits that you might consider as sin such as alcohol or drugs. People addicted to drugs and alcohol have problems controlling themselves around these items. The same goes for high calorie foods. The consequence for quick satisfaction as you know are being fat and unhealthy. Unless you wish others to be fat and unhealthy, please bring only healthy food. Thanks, Jeff

related: Loose lips shrink hips

Tags: "helpful" advice · Alabama · e-mail · food · hey fatty · office · office cop

No “cat parts” in the sink

August 11th, 2011 · 33 Comments

Our submitter found the following signage at an engineering office in Salt Lake City, Utah. Adds our submitter: “For the life of me I can’t figure out what ‘cat parts’ is supposed to refer to — or why people would need a note to know it’s not appropriate to leave them in the kitchen sink.”

[Note 1:] Please Do Not Leave "cat parts" in the sink. Thanks. [Note 2:] Then we need a designated cat parts receptacle. Where else am I supposed to put my leftover cat parts?

P.S. When I did a quick Google Image Search for “cat parts,” I ended up here:

related: “Place feral cats in box”

Tags: cats · kitchen · office · rebuttals · Salt Lake City · smartass · Utah · WTF?

Closed due to impending anarchy

August 10th, 2011 · 44 Comments

No, the London riots aren’t really “funny,” but Rachael wasn’t the only one who found the note of gallows humor in this notice — from a U.K. Subway sandwich shop — to be worth a second glance.

Due to the imminent collapse of society we regret to announce we are closing at 6pm tonight.

Coincidentally, on the very same day, Rebecca in Cincinnati snapped a photo of this sign — which seemed to me like something straight out of The Handmaid’s Tale. Despite the dramatic wording, Rebecca says the chaos at hand here was actually a missing replica T-Rex tooth from a display at The Creation Museum (where she was guilt-tripped into going by her less irreverent extended family).

Temporarily out of order. (We live in a fallen world) We will restore order here as soon as possible.

related: Are you ready for your Rapture party?

Tags: Cincinnati · don't blame us · U.K. · WTF?

Fly girls

August 8th, 2011 · 38 Comments

Kassandra in Nevada was waiting for her order at a local coffee shop when she noticed this series of flyers on the bulletin board. Adds Kass: “Who knew there would be such offense taken by a fly fishing class for women?”

Women's Fly Fishing Clinic: Fly fishing basics taught by women, for women.

Men's Fly Fishing Clinic: Fly fishing taught by men. Way better than that other one!

Fly's Fishing Clinic: Fly's fishing basics taught by Fly, for Flies

related: Vegan vs. carnivore corkboard showdown

Tags: battle of the sexes · Nevada · saga · smartass

Dear couchsurfer: here’s a clue you might have overstayed your welcome

August 3rd, 2011 · 22 Comments

From Austin, Texas: a last-ditch attempt to get rid of a houseguest who took “Mi casa es su casa” a bit too literally…

Be out by Friday or I will remove you & change the locks (Hug Me)

related: Couchsurfing Greg gets pissed

Tags: Austin · frenemies · heart · moving/not moving · nice stationery · not-so-veiled threats

Help Desk Shenanigans

July 28th, 2011 · 24 Comments

Writes Bri in St. Paul, Minnesota: “I work at a University help desk that employs mostly students. Since their shifts are short, they have a habit of leaving all kinds of random things at the desk, much to the chagrin of many of my co-workers” — and the devilish glee of others.

[Left:] Is this your hair band? Or chap stick? [Right:] No, this is my hair band!

related: How is your eyes?

extra credit: Venn diagram of “shenanigans” [boingboing.net]

Tags: college life · Minneapolis/St. Paul · smartass

Sorry I hit your car, but whatever, it’s a tacky piece of crap anyway

July 27th, 2011 · 42 Comments

Explains our submitter in North Carolina: ”My friend walked out to the parking lot to find a big dent and a sticky note on her car, which still had some writing on it from her recent birthday.” And while the driver didn’t just dent-and-dash, the fact that he or she didn’t bother to leave a name/plate/policy number — just an entirely unnecessary postscript — made the whole situation a less-than-satisfying belated birthday surprise.

Sorry I hit your car, you can call my insurance and sort it out [phone number redacted]. P.S. You should clean this writing off your fucking car.

related: I dinged your car, but you kind of deserved it.

Tags: car · non-apology apology · p.s. · Raleigh · unsolicited feedback