Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Stay classy, Little Rock

July 25th, 2011 · 65 Comments

Our submitter from Little Rock, Arkansas offers the following mea culpa: “I was heading to the pool this afternoon, and while loading my car (a blue Mustang) I set my cup of ice water on the ground. Unfortunately, after I finishing loading, I forgot about the cup and drove off.” After returning to her apartment complex, our submitter found the cup had reappeared next to her parked car — with the addition of the following note.

Sure, the notewriter could have simply thrown the cup in the garbage using half as much effort — and that might have been the classy, neighborly thing to do. But it’s the principle of the thing, you see:  honest mistakes will not be tolerated!

The classy lady in the blue mustang litters!

related: I hope you don’t put children in this car.

Tags: Arkansas · neighbors · that's trashy · wouldn't it have just been easier...

So NOT where I thought that one was going…

July 24th, 2011 · 49 Comments

Writes Stacey in Massachusetts: “The church around the corner from my house is famous for the little rants on their sign, but this one definitely takes the cake.” Obviously, texting while driving isn’t cool, but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

Love Jesus? To meet him now, text while driving!

Meanwhile, I just opened up the August issue of Texas Monthly to see this slightly more gently worded version…

related: Sincerely, God

extra credit: Church sign generator

Tags: driving · Jesus · Massachusetts · questionable logic · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · text message

Shushing the shusher

July 21st, 2011 · 109 Comments

Anna in Minneapolis (“librarian in peach sweater”) recently received this anonymous note from a disgruntled library patron. “Apparently, I was talking too loudly to one of our elderly customers on the phone,” she says. “So much for Minnesota nice!”

Whatever happened to speaking QUIETLY in a library? librarian in peach sweater.

related: You seem like really nice people. Really.

extra credit: Just know that I have a whole bag of shhh! with your name on it [youtube]

Tags: etiquette · library · Minneapolis/St. Paul · noise

The Tooth Fairy meets Tiger Mother, with a dash of “Go the F**k to Sleep”

July 19th, 2011 · 29 Comments

If you’re too jaded to handle the cuteness factor of kids’ overly-demanding notes to the Tooth Fairy, you still might get kick out of this tooth-in-cheek note from the Tooth Fairy herself.

Explains Mindi (a.k.a. Mindy) from Santa Cruz, California: “In elementary school, I played the string bass in the school orchestra, and my parents were paying for private tutoring lessons. Obviously, I wasn’t practicing enough!”

Mindy, You must practice your bass or I won't be back again. Signed The Tooth Fairy

Adds Mindi: “I later cut this out and put it in my scrapbook. (The ‘really?’ on the side was mine.)”

related: Not to be hard, but I need money.

extra credit: Go to F**ck to Sleep [amazon.com]

Tags: California · kids · Moms & Dads · not-so-veiled threats · Santa Cruz

I super duper hope you go screw yourself!

July 18th, 2011 · 104 Comments

During Diana’s lunch break one day, a concerned coworker apparently decided to seize the opportunity to let her know — anonymously, of course — that the state of her cubicle was too much too handle. Even more obnoxiously, Diana says, “He or she actually just opened up Word and typed this note on my computer.”

To top it all off, Diana insists her workstation was hardly a disaster area to begin with. “The only things on my desk at the time were my computer, a few pieces of paper, and a coffee mug.”

Hey, Diana, Your workstation is really messy. It makes all of us look bad when you just can’t pick up after yourself. No need to get sloppy! Even if you are used to it after hours, there’s no need to bring bad habits into your cubicle. I super duper hope you’re enjoying your lunch! Thanks so much, A concerned co-worker

related: Can you please walk quieter?

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Kansas · office · office cop · unsolicited feedback

Short fuses over shorted fuses

July 14th, 2011 · 85 Comments

Well, here’s another one to file under I didn’t even know that was a thing.

Explains our submitter in Chicago: “We live in a VERY old building with a lot of electrical problems. Apparently, one of the tenants is blowing fuses daily and switching their blown fuses out with other units’ working ones. Crazy.”

Dear Jerkface who keeps stealing fuses, 1) You're a jerkface. 2) Fuses are expensive. You would know that if you went out and bought some instead of stealing other people's. 3) You obviously have some type of electrical issue that needs to be addressed. Call the management company before you burn down the building. Thanks!

related: This is not a thing! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

Tags: Chicago · neighbors · nice stationery · stealing · that's a fire hazard

Love, the Landlord

July 13th, 2011 · 112 Comments

Jon’s assessment after a night of partying: “Totally worth it.”

No smoking  Jon Please clear the porch -Spilled beer -Ash on the kids table -Cigarettes on porch/stairs -Matches  <3 Will

related: Late night beer parties!

Tags: drizzunk · landlords and property managers · Ohio · smoking

Who declared Opposite Day?

July 12th, 2011 · 59 Comments

We’ve already seen people throwing urine in bottles out of their window…and now, shit in bags? Who does that?!

(Apparently, at least one dog owner in Bailey’s NYC apartment building.)

Someone is dropping bags of Dog Shit from their apartment into the building courtyard. To make matters worse, it does not always make it to the ground. Last nights bag was outside my window. Again. This must stop before management is involved. (Eww, gross!)

related: Throwing cat hair out the window = almost as bad

Tags: dogs · neighbors · New York · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?

Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

July 10th, 2011 · 117 Comments

Writes Carolyn in Brooklyn: “My youngest daughter, Annisa, clearly had a problem with her recalcitrant tooth fairy. This is a series of letters, including an envelope, that I saved from her early years. I have no doubt that her finely tuned negotiating skills were developed as a result.” The best part? Annisa, who just turned 31 on Saturday, is now — no joke — a Director of Human Resources.”

(I really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think we have a new winner.)

Dear tooth fairy, I lost my tooth on 23 of Oct. Now it is Nov. 12. I lost my tooth in pizza. I lost both today. You owe me $1.00 not to be hard but I need money. Annisa

Dear tooth fairy, I did not get my 1.00. I told you I lost my tooth in pizza. I hope you're prepared that I am going to take it up with your mother. And I have a penalty for whatever night you miss you owe me a 25 cents more. And maybe I'll take it up with your boss. And I'll tell him you're goofind off. And I love to talk to you in person over Juice and tea. So when you write back give me your phone number and address talk over cookies. Annisa  p.s. don't correct my spelling

Dear Toothfairy,  I want two dollars for my tooth because It's my first fang. Annisa  P.S. If you don't give me what I want I will find another tooth fairy.   Dear Toothfairy, It is the next day, and I don't have my money. I will have to charge you 25 cents more for penalty and I want $2.25 tomorrow morning. Annisa

Letter for the tooth fairy

related: Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

Tags: Brooklyn · kids · money · most popular notes of 2011 · p.s.

Please change.

July 7th, 2011 · 55 Comments

Our submitter in Tucson, Arizona was a little perplexed by the sign hanging up in newly-assigned cubicle, but didn’t think much of it. When he finally got around to asking his bosses about it, they somewhat cryptically responded that the last person to work in that cubicle “had a problem with change.”

(It’s unclear who made the decision that a change of job was in order for that particular ex-employee.)

CHANGE is Good! We like CHANGE! CHANGE is our FRIEND!

Meanwhile, Bethany in Bakersfield, California still isn’t quite sure what to make of this note, which she found on her desk one morning at work. (“Did someone start to write a message and get distracted two words in?” Or am I living my life in such a way that they simply can’t handle it any longer?”)

Bethany, Please change

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

Tags: California · now that's management · office · Tucson