Entries Tagged as 'United States'

I love you…but I love you more when you’re skinny.

February 11th, 2014 · 101 Comments

Writes Joshua in Salt Lake City: “This past year I’ve been trying to lose weight. It’s been up and down. Apparently my mother knows that.”

Happy Valentine's Day Josher! 'Skinny Josh Bag' Proud of you! What's the day without the candy bag...just 'Chew & Spit'

related: Mom is my favorite passive-aggressive Valentine

Tags: heart · hey fatty · Mother-son notes · Salt Lake City · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo

When your coworkers are frat boys

February 7th, 2014 · 72 Comments

Our submitter says that his office in  Phoenix, Arizona has a charming little tradition, namely, “If you’re gone for a few days, your office gets trashed.” (I’m guessing something along these lines.)

It looks like this notewriter was hoping for a reprieve, under the circumstances. So, Sean, listen up!

Just remember I am attending my Grandmother's funeral should you consider decorating (trashing) my office or playing any other mean pranks.

related: If there were every a time to hold your red pen…

Tags: actually totally reasonable · office · Phoenix

Crafty like a fox

February 4th, 2014 · 46 Comments

Apparently the employees of this retail establishment in North Carolina didn’t take it seriously when the ladies from the shop next door asked them to stop blocking their employee entrance with garbage cans. (Perhaps  they didn’t understand what was meant by Don’t make us bedazzle your asses?)

One day, our submitter says, one of the offending trash cans was found covered in gift wrap, complete with a bow. Sadly, no photo was taken pre-unwrapping, but this sign remains in the shared hallway as a reminder.

Anything left up against this door is likely to be bedazzled, modge-podged, or glittered.  Seriously.  We love sparkly s%#&!

UPDATE: It looks like our crafty crafters followed through on their threats!

It's a fire exit

 

Make art, not war

related: Girls gone wild…with colored markers.

 

Tags: garbage · North Carolina · rainbow-colored · retail hell

I don’t know you, and this is crazy, but your boyfriend’s hot, and your parking’s lazy.

February 3rd, 2014 · 80 Comments

Writes Candice in Kansas: “I woke up to this on my car this morning. I don’t not know if I should be pissed they are creepin’ on my man or to just laugh uncontrollably.”

(Dear notewriter: Notice she didn’t say “…or stop parking there.”)

Hi, I don't really know you, in fact, I don't at all! You live upstairs and have a hot boyfriend/maybe just a roommate or friend with an adorable puppy. One time, however, you did give me a dirty look, but I've gotten over it. I write this to beg you to stop being lazy with your parking. I get it, t's cold. Life sucks and who wants to park in back. But where you parked now is blocking cars from getting in the drive. You totally are an inventor because you invented some new LAZY GIRL SPOT that's 4 feet from the door! I think you're a brilliant inventor but maybe move back 10 feet. You're not the only person alive! p.s. SORRY NOTE SORRY I love your boyfriend

related: She’s mine. All mine!

 

Tags: Kansas · kinda creepy · neighbors · parking

Aaaand…jazz hands!

January 29th, 2014 · 107 Comments

Who knew? Just add water to your ramen, and you end up with…ramen.

RAMEN PARTY!

But leave it alone and you get…a hot ramen dance party!

ramen party

This just in: According to our Seattle submitter, two of his office mates have started fires trying to microwave dry ramen. (NO PARTY FOR YOU!)

related: Four horsemen…and a microwave

Tags: clip art catastrophe · microwave · office · Seattle · that's a fire hazard

The cowardly lawn

January 22nd, 2014 · 83 Comments

Writes Claire in Cincinnati: “This individual moved in a month ago and is already getting into a note war with the neighbors!”

To the 'neighbors': Thanks for the letter. Worry about yourself. Not my lawn. For our real neighbors, we apologize. Thanks for being a coward!

To the 'neighbors': Thanks for the letter. Worry about yourself. Not my lawn. For our real neighbors, we apologize. Thanks for being a coward!

related: An eyesore for an eyesore

Tags: Cincinnati · neighbors · public shaming · thanks (but not really)

Trapped in the (Water) Closet

January 14th, 2014 · 53 Comments

Writes Robert in Redmond, Washington: “In our office, in this particular bathroom, at this particular urinal, there strikes a phantom pisser, who finds joy in covering the floor in front of the urinal 1/8 inch deep in piss — every single day. One coworker got fed up with this and posted the following series of sticky notes. Then some other coworkers then jumped in to add their own particular flair.”

Stop stinkling on the floor. You are an adult not a diaper-wearing baby man. Thank you —Your loving coworkers.

related: The Urinal Games

extra credit: Aziz Ansari on R. Kelly [youtube]

Tags: rebuttals · smartass · toilet · Washington state

404 error: water not found

January 12th, 2014 · 43 Comments

Aaron works at a web design and development company in Houston where he the water cooler is chronically empty. Writes Aaron: “Other notes have been written in the past, but this time I feel the javascript developers are being specifically targeted.”

404 error: water not found

related: But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

Tags: Houston · nerd alert · office · water

Greetings from the Polar Vortex

January 8th, 2014 · 126 Comments

Writes Steve in Boston: “This note cracks me up because it is, on the one hand, a request for more civility and, on the other hand, a not so thinly veiled threat.” (How so very Boston!)

By City of Boston law, I am entitled to save this spent after having spent an hour of backbreaking work shoveling. I hope you with respect your neighbors next time, you piece of shit. Love, Vigilante Justice P.S. Happy Holidays!

related: Can you dig it?

extra credit: Boston’s “parking chair” law [washingtonpost.com]

Tags: Boston · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · parking

Which one of these is not like the other?

January 5th, 2014 · 116 Comments

Writes Meg in New Jersey: “We just buried my Mom today. After Mass and luncheon we came home and unpacked cards from the funeral home. This is from my brother’s office.” Can you tell who didn’t bother to read the card before signing it?

Which one of these is not like the other?

related: My condolences on your birthday

Tags: New Jersey · Oops?