Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Four horsemen…and a microwave

October 15th, 2013 · 25 Comments

Rachel in California says the breakroom at her office hasn’t caused many problems in the past, but a recent wave of new hires has changed that. “The last time I opened the microwave it was stuffed with paper towels, the walls were slathered in orange goop, and it smelled like rotting horse flesh.” (In other words, like a frozen lasagna from Tesco?)

Is this a post-apocalyptic world where the blacks and whites of morality have blurred into a hazy grey and every man takes care of himself and only himself? No? Then CLEAN THE MICROWAVE AFTER YOU USE IT!

related: Someday, when society has all but crumbled around you…

Tags: California · cleaning · microwave · office

My neighbor, the nihilist

October 13th, 2013 · 49 Comments

Hannah in Austin made the poster to the right — inspired by one of her favorite poets, Mary Oliver — and hung it in her window. A few weeks later, she woke up to find that her next-door neighbor had added a piece of his own.

ONE WILD PRECIOUS LIFE  - ONE BORING POINTLESS EXISTENCE

related: I have a problem with your window manners

Tags: Austin · neighbors · smartass

Trash talk

October 8th, 2013 · 16 Comments

Our submitter in Chicago says that there a used to be a trash can near the front door of her apartment building, but because it was always overwhelming with doggie poop bags and other smelly trash, she wasn’t sad to see it go. Apparently, some of her neighbors are still in denial.

Attn: In case you haven't notice, there is NO trashcan in this space any more. Please be kind and take your petty trash out 5 steps to the dumpster, instead of leaving it here for someone else to clean up. THANKS. —a resident who throws their trash in its proper place  FUCK YOU! WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRASH CAN? -PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESIDENT

related: I don’t want to touch the bathroom door handle, so I’m just going to toss my paper towel on the floor

Tags: Chicago · garbage · neighbors · rebuttals · that's trashy

I’d second that request…

October 7th, 2013 · 38 Comments

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

This gum is really Gross :(  Is there a way you can collect this gum in your room? or throw it out?  Sincerely,  Your roommate who also showers here  Added comments: I have to second this request/ statement.  there is a garbage right over there!

related: Dear mother of hair baby

Tags: bathroom · Chicago · sad face · that's disgusting

Today in “So this is a thing?”

October 6th, 2013 · 80 Comments

Kathy in Wisconsin spotted this note in the breakroom of the hospital where she works. Writes Kathy: “The funny thing is, the shelf isn’t that high up — I’m 5’4″ and it’s about chest level with me — so whoever wrote that is either really, really short or really, really doesn’t like the feel of stirrers on their arm when they’re reaching for the sugar!”

I move the straw jar because I am a short person. It is very difficult to reach over the straws without touching them with my arm, when I am getting sugar packets. Please keep straws to the side not in the middle.

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: hospitals & doctors · so this is a thing? · Wisconsin

The stall-sanitizing shimmy

September 29th, 2013 · 51 Comments

Leah spotted this note in the changing area at Colman Pool in Seattle, a city she describes as “the epicenter of passive-aggressive communication.” Adds Leah: “I like the image of the kid’s shimmying out under the stall door as being a nifty method of floor cleaning. It’s both disgusting and passive-aggressive in the extreme!”

To the kid who locks the stall door and crawls out under the door: Thank you for using your swimsuit to mop dirt, germs, and wet toilet paper off of our restroom floor. We appreciate the extra help keeping the facility clean. If you would like to volunteer for more dirty jobs, please come visit us at the office. We have plenty of other tasks, like cleaning hair balls from the drains and scraping gum off the deck, which we would be happy to train you to do. Thanks! Colman Pool Staff

related: A few reasons not to feel sad that the public pool is closed for the season

Tags: bathroom · kids · Seattle · swimming pool · thanks (but not really) · that's disgusting

Drag Queen Problems

September 22nd, 2013 · 47 Comments

Spotted backstage at a resort in St. Petersburg, Florida — drama! 

ALL DRAG QUEENS: ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT JOBS AS A QUEEN IS LIPSYNCHING!!!!!! WE HAVE RECEIVED MANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT PERFORMERS NOT KNOWING THEIR WORD. THEREFORE WE WILL BE WATCHING VERY CLOSELY WEATHER [SIC] YOU KNOW YOUR WORDS OR NOT!!!! WATERMELON, WATERMELON, MOTHER FUCKER, WATERMELON WILL NOT WORK ANYMORE. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW YOUR WORDS YOU WILL NOT BE PAID FOR THAT NUMBER!!!! THATS ALL QUEEN.............

Or, as RuPaul put it:

related: Stripper Problems

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · most popular notes of 2013 · spelling and grammar police

Is that a chicken wing in your pocket, or…

September 16th, 2013 · 18 Comments

Those must be some darn big pockets you’ve got there, Elwood.

Elwood- I have you on video tape stuffing chicken wings in your pockets! You owe $82. Roper

(Thanks to Jessi in Illinois for submitting!)

related: A Roadside Intervention

extra credit: “Men accused of stealing $65,000 in chicken wings” [cbsatlanta.com]

Tags: food · Illinois · money · most popular notes of 2013 · public shaming · small town living · stealing

A high-concept take-down of Chicago-style politics

September 12th, 2013 · 49 Comments

Earlier this week, on her usual walk to work across the UChicago campus, Lauren noticed a board topped by a cement block covering an open manhole. Then other day, however, she walked past the same spot to find this ingenious work of civic protest/prankery.

Dear residents of South Blackstone Ave,  Thank you for your many phone calls and personal appeal to city workers. We are finally able to address your concerns regarding this unsecured manhole.  After several months of careful review, we have decided that a few crappy pieces of wood hastily nailed together and light enough for any curious eight year old boy to move, is sufficient to guarantee everyone’s safety.  Please understand that currently, various departments of the city are operating under budget cuts, including the C.D.M.C. (Chicago Department of Manhole Covers). This department is severely understaffed with only two-hundred and fifty workers to answer phones and another fifty to replace missing manhold covers. WE do have one brand new manhole cover which fits this very opening. However, it is designated “reserve” manhole cover and is not available for actual use.  Regardless, our safety engineers assure us that an unsecured hold large enough for a grown man to fit in, poses no danger to small children or pets. Therefore, it will remain exactly like this from now on and forever. Please take care to get used to this situation and try your best not to break your f*cking leg in the winter when the ground is covered with a foot of snow.  Office of the Mayor,  Rahm Emanuel  Removing this sign or any sign bearing the City of Chicago seal, carries a penalty of two years in prison and a fine of $300,000

Adds Lauren: “I’m most impressed by the obvious work involved in the sign’s construction, but bonus points are due for capturing the speaking style of our salty mayor.” (And yes, Lauren says: Chicago’s city seal really does include the image of a baby floating on a cloud.)

Dear residents of South Blackstone Ave,  Thank you for your many phone calls and personal appeal to city workers. We are finally able to address your concerns regarding this unsecured manhole.  After several months of careful review, we have decided that a few crappy pieces of wood hastily nailed together and light enough for any curious eight year old boy to move, is sufficient to guarantee everyone’s safety.  Please understand that currently, various departments of the city are operating under budget cuts, including the C.D.M.C. (Chicago Department of Manhole Covers). This department is severely understaffed with only two-hundred and fifty workers to answer phones and another fifty to replace missing manhold covers. WE do have one brand new manhole cover which fits this very opening. However, it is designated “reserve” manhole cover and is not available for actual use.  Regardless, our safety engineers assure us that an unsecured hold large enough for a grown man to fit in, poses no danger to small children or pets. Therefore, it will remain exactly like this from now on and forever. Please take care to get used to this situation and try your best not to break your f*cking leg in the winter when the ground is covered with a foot of snow.  Office of the Mayor,  Rahm Emanuel  Removing this sign or any sign bearing the City of Chicago seal, carries a penalty of two years in prison and a fine of $300,000

related: Governor of California to State Senate: “Get Stuffed.”

Tags: Chicago · most popular notes of 2013 · raging against the machine · smartass

Gee, I’m glad my car could ease your conscience

September 9th, 2013 · 76 Comments

Courtney’s friend Tom found this note — from our newest contender for douchecanoe of the year) — on the windshield of his Toyota FJ Cruiser.

Hi, I hit your lower passenger side bumper on my way into the spot next to you. I guess that is what happens when you drive a gas-guzzling wanna-be Jeep — so I don't feel so bad.  Hope you have insurance!

related: Yeah, I dinged your car, but you kinda deserved it

Tags: car · don't blame us · Park City · parking · questionable logic