Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Infinite note project

February 15th, 2008 · 86 Comments

Faydra in Gainesville, Florida lives in an apartment complex she describes as “a step above dorm living” — 85 females total, all of them coming and going at all hours. Faydra’s next-door neighbors kicked things off (with the most frightening clip art extravaganza ever) and things devolved from there. In chronological order:

infinite note project

infinite note project

infinite note project

related: A fancy feast

Tags: CAPS LOCK · clip art catastrophe · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · neighbors · noise · rebuttals · smiley

To be young

February 14th, 2008 · 58 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day, kids!

Gavyn is a heart braker [sic] don't like him

(Thanks to Ron in West Jordan, Utah, who found this note taped to his front door.)

related: wake me up? wham!

Tags: kids · spelling and grammar police · spurned lover · Utah

Where angels fear to spit

February 13th, 2008 · 69 Comments

From an anonymous heathen in Washington, D.C.:

Dear Those Who LOITER/SMOKE in THIS PARTICULAR HALLWAY: This is not a place where you can place your trash!!! People actually live here, believe it or not, and frankly, we're sick and tired of cleaning up after grown people who can go outside and do their business !!!!!!! The last thing people who actually work and have a life in this APARTMENT BULIDING [sic] WANT TO SEE WHEN THEY COME HOME IS ASHES, CIGARETTE BUTTS AND SALIVA (OR SPIT, FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT READ) IN THIS HALLWAY!!!! GO AWAY AND DO YOUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE, WE'RE VERY SICK AND TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER YOU!!! BE A ROACH AND A HEATHEN SOMEWHERE ELSE. Dutifully, Disgruntled Resident

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: bold underlined italics · D.C. · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · neighbors · obnoxious definition · smoking · spelling and grammar police · spitting

So obsessed that I’m becoming a bore

February 12th, 2008 · 75 Comments

Writes Simon in Richmond, Virginia: “I was combing through my Facebook newsfeed and came across this note posted by someone on my friend list. I have no idea who the note is referring to, but I think it’s kind of interesting that he’s putting out his dirty laundry for all to see.”

i'm sorry for your loss

related: Meet my new therapist: the cable guy

Tags: Facebook · i before e · Richmond · TL;DR

Through a glass bowl, darkly

February 9th, 2008 · 53 Comments

Cate in Columbus went out of town for a night, and sadly, her absence was enough to provoke her betta fish (Pope Shaivo the Third) to jump out of his bowl and end it all. Meanwhile,Cate says her roommates, apparently unwise to the suicidal tendencies of bettas, “thought I had placed it on my desk and just left it there!”

Cate (fish killer),  We would really appreciate it if you would get your dead fish off the desk + give it a proper burial. Your roommates!

related: Those hamsters were shivering, not dancing

Tags: Columbus · fish · roommates

Landmine in my bloodline

February 8th, 2008 · 110 Comments

Nothing could have prepared Lauren in Oakland for the passive-aggressive avalanche that awaited her the other day at her new apartment. She calls the experience of finding the notes totally surreal. “It keeps playing back in slow motion in my mind, from the second I saw the first one hanging over the threshold to my absolute horror and delight at finding an eleventh one hours later on the bathroom door.” Here’s the theme park version!

“I’m not sure anything in particular prompted it,” Lauren says, “but I live, apparently, in some kind of alternate dimension where full-grown adults believe in chore-wheels, so it could’ve been anything — but certainly not ELEVEN things to correspond with the number of found notes. Then again, I’m not a timebomb waiting to explode, so how would I know?”

related: recipe for roommate discord

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · ellipses-crazed · Oakland · roommates · spelling and grammar police

A friend of a friend is our enemy

February 7th, 2008 · 83 Comments

Tina is Los Angeles didn’t have any problem with her roommate‘s friend couchsurfing at their apartment for a month, but both she and her roomie started to get irked when the friend started inviting other friends to stay over — and then kept doing it, even after the roomie expressly asked her not to.

“The first friend we encountered killed one of my fish and put gum in my aquarium,” Tina says. When another friend-of-a-friend started “subtly and sarcastically deriding” their taste in fashion/entertainment/blah blah blah…well, the roommates decided enough was enough.

NOTE: Because of the discomfort associated with Lana, we (the residents of 305) have agreed that the best course of action is to NOT ALLOW LANA BACK INTO THE APARTMENT. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. Her personal effects may be retreived [sic] by an approved person (Ashley). If the aforementioned is violated, law enforcement will be called to mediate the situation. Best wishes

related: Some suggestions for the comfort of your guest

Tags: excessive underlining · guests · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates

You oughta know

February 4th, 2008 · 56 Comments

Writes Jaina in Westport, Conn.: “I dated this asshole last fall, and dumped him because I found out that he was using his Livejournal to try to bang girls on the side. I, of course, still spy on him.” Or at least, she did…until her ip address gave her up.

This journal is all locked up. I'm starting something new soon. If you are so curious about me that you check this every day even though the whole journal is locked up, then maybe you should say something. I do have a site meter up that tells me who comes here and from what city, state, or library.

Adds Jaina: “Please note that the entry was posted at 11:45 p.m. on a Friday. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions about the state of his love life.”

Meanwhile, when a passive-aggressive blog posting starts to seem like a relatively direct method of communication, you know things aren’t going to end well.

Dear Jakob, I wish I hadn't found out you left the company you've been with for the last seven years from your blog. Love, Julia

related: Who would’ve thought? It figures

Tags: blog · Connecticut · ex drama · oh snap

Roommate fumes; Unilever marketing execs rejoice

February 3rd, 2008 · 66 Comments

Curse as much as you want, dude: you’re still bitching about body wash. (Personally, that’s what I’d call a gamekiller.)

Whoever keeps using my fucking shower gel and drinking my fucking beer needs to fucking replace them!!! -Tom

related: I swear this isn’t some sort of stealth viral marketing campaign

Tags: beer · Brooklyn · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · New York · roommates · stealing · whiteboard

From the Zagat Guide to Threatening Signage

January 31st, 2008 · 88 Comments

“Beware,” indeed: Walking along “West 25th or so” in Manhattan, this “work of art” was enough to make Eric “personally” “shit his pants.”

extra credit: The Zagat history of my last relationship [The New Yorker]

Tags: New York · not-so-veiled threats · unnecessary "quotation marks"