Entries Tagged as 'United States'

I can has guilt trip?

April 2nd, 2008 · 112 Comments

Writes Jake in Los Angeles: “At home for Christmas (in Greenville, South Carolina) I mentioned in passing that I would ‘try’ to make it home for Easter, which is what most southern refugee children with guilt complexes tell their doting mothers even though both sides know said child has no intention of showing up to hide eggs and eat ham.”

Jake’s mom, bless her heart, didn’t get the memo.

I am a sad cat wearing bunny ears.

Wish you were coming home but I understand. Love, M

related: Too many

Tags: guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · South Carolina · southern charm

Facebook schoolyard smackdown

April 1st, 2008 · 105 Comments

“Vet school is a sea of studying, testing, drinking and most of all: DRAMA,” reports an anonymous vet-to-be in Ames, Iowa.

Of course, as New York magazine reports this week, Facebook is taking run-of-the-mill classroom sniping to a whole new level of micro-bitchiness. If you have the patience (or the Adderall) to follow it, our submitter gives us a play-by-play of one recent status-update smackdown.

Jessika really wishes people would STOP asking questions at the review sessions, please stop wasting everyone's time because you are dumb!

Vanessa thinks people who think people are dumb should not be in professional school.

Naomi doesn't understand why ppl are upset for others asking questions during a review section. Gee, I wonder what a review section IS for???

You should really think before you "facebook" your thoughts

Vanessa hopes her classmate's future clients get better treatment than their fellow colleagues.

DRAMA IS AWESOME, WE NEED MORE!

related: So obsessed that I’m becoming a bore

Tags: Facebook · group bitchfest · Iowa · kids today · saga

Maybe you should switch to body wash?

March 31st, 2008 · 89 Comments

At least that would make the roommate situation a little less hairy

STOP USING MY BAR OF SOAP IN THE SHOWER!

related: Losing Lisa

Tags: grow up · hair · hygiene · roommates · San Diego · shower · that's disgusting

If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today…

March 28th, 2008 · 99 Comments

Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION   Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Florida · gym · shit · shower · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

March 25th, 2008 · 220 Comments

Here’s a trio of notes from California that each make me very uncomfortable…and not just because of the painful lack of irony.

First up: an excerpt from seating guidelines posted at the quaint little Mexican restaurant in Huntington Beach where Brynn used to waitress. So quaint, Brynn says, “They also posted a dress code rule that ladies must wear makeup and skirts could not be below the knee.”

Mexican people prefer a booth

Meanwhile, a little farther south, a construction worker left this note for James in San Diego…while he was parked in front of his own house.

TRY MOVING YOUR TRUCK UP SO THAT ANOTHER ONE CAN FIT ASSHOLE! O WAIT YOUR PROBABLY A FUCKIN MEXICAN!

And the last word goes to this bit of social commentary, which Jen spotted on the window of a soon-to-be-opened restaurant in San Francisco.

Speak English (OK, BITE ME XENOPHOBE!)

related: Je comprends…moi non plus

extra credit: ¡Ask a Mexican!® [ocweekly.com]

Tags: California · casual xenophobia · parking · restaurant · San Diego · your/you're

I’m pregnant…what’s your excuse?

March 23rd, 2008 · 100 Comments

Amanda in Fairhaven, Mass. recently took her sister-in-law in for an ultrasound appointment, and was a little frightened by this sign. (It was posted in three places, both inside and outside the restroom.)

IF YOU ARE HAVING AN ULTRASOUND PLEASE DO NOT EMPTY YOUR BLADDER THIS MEANS YOU!!!

related: Bun — er, pizza in the oven

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Massachusetts · piss · preggers

Welcome to SXSW, sucker

March 17th, 2008 · 123 Comments

While you were drunk-texting your latest Eugene Mirman sighting to all your pals, more industrious folk like Bryan from Minneapolis,  Betsy from L.A., and Adele from Montreal were documenting the comedic gold being served up by Austin bartenders.

There are NO fucking drink specials. Everything is special. Welcome to SXSW. Sucker. (This message sent via iPhone)

Sorry, we do not have Red Bull, Zima, Wine Coolers or Smirnoff Ice. Please don't even go there. P.S. No Shiner either.

"Cheers, Mate!" is not an acceptable tip in Texas

related: Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

Tags: Austin · bar · money · most popular notes of 2008 · tipping

But who’s counting?

March 16th, 2008 · 73 Comments

Writes an anonymous New Yorker: “Our neighbors hate us because we are the youngest in the building. Thus, any malfunction that occurs in the building results in notes directed towards us. And yes, this note was a follow-up to another note (seen at left) also directed at us.”

PULL THE DOOR SHUT! THE GREEN DOOR has been LEFT OPEN 3 times since last note.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, kids!

related: infinite note project

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · kids today · neighbors · New York · opening/closing

Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

March 14th, 2008 · 87 Comments

Before I pass out, I bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of Austin.

First, from Scoot Inn…

TO GAIN ENTRY OR "COME IN" YOU WILL NEED $2

More bouncer sass from (I think) Beerland…

From (I think) beerland

And lastly, from Emo’s

I don't know about you...but I sure as hell wouldn't want someone else's sweaty-ass, filthy grimey fingers in the clean ice I drink w/.  So keep the fuck out! Thanx

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Tags: Austin · ice · money

The minor gall, the major rift

March 11th, 2008 · 113 Comments

To quote Chris Anderson responding to Milton Friedman: “A free lunch doesn’t necessarily mean the food is being given away or that you’ll pay for it later — it could just mean someone else is picking up the tab.”

Indeed, Craig in New York offers this example of the negative externalities that can come along with free stuff. On one hand: free soda. On the other: notes like these. (You can still see the CliffsNotes version peeking out from underneath.)

ATTENTION: If you have found that you are a little thirsty and upon coming here to get refreshment you notice that your favorite FREE SOFT DRINK is not currently stocked in this refrigerator and you are concerned because you think the Refrigerator Stocking Angel might be failing in her duties and you don't know what to do next! Please! Don't panic! Quietly turn towards the right (assuming you are still facing the empty refrigerator). Notice the doors on your right. Look carefully behind one of these doors, and you might find several cases of assorted warm soft drinks. if you grab a SIX PACK of your favorite, carry it gently to the refrigerator, place that SIX-PACK on a shelf and then close the refrigerator door, you might discover that when you come back later for a soft drink (remember that it take a little time for them to chill), there are cold drinks for everyone. Hallelujah! P.S. You may need to do this daily but it really won't hurt you and the Refrigerator Stocking Angel will be really appreciate of your new display of self sufficiency!

related: everyone deserves a cold drink

Tags: a little patronizing · beverages · excessive underlining · gloriously redundant · high on highlighter · New York · p.s. · spelling and grammar police · TL;DR