Entries Tagged as 'United States'

Welcome to SXSW, sucker

March 17th, 2008 · 123 Comments

While you were drunk-texting your latest Eugene Mirman sighting to all your pals, more industrious folk like Bryan from Minneapolis,  Betsy from L.A., and Adele from Montreal were documenting the comedic gold being served up by Austin bartenders.

There are NO fucking drink specials. Everything is special. Welcome to SXSW. Sucker. (This message sent via iPhone)

Sorry, we do not have Red Bull, Zima, Wine Coolers or Smirnoff Ice. Please don't even go there. P.S. No Shiner either.

"Cheers, Mate!" is not an acceptable tip in Texas

related: Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

Tags: Austin · bar · money · most popular notes of 2008 · tipping

But who’s counting?

March 16th, 2008 · 73 Comments

Writes an anonymous New Yorker: “Our neighbors hate us because we are the youngest in the building. Thus, any malfunction that occurs in the building results in notes directed towards us. And yes, this note was a follow-up to another note (seen at left) also directed at us.”

PULL THE DOOR SHUT! THE GREEN DOOR has been LEFT OPEN 3 times since last note.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, kids!

related: infinite note project

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · kids today · neighbors · New York · opening/closing

Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

March 14th, 2008 · 87 Comments

Before I pass out, I bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of Austin.

First, from Scoot Inn…

TO GAIN ENTRY OR "COME IN" YOU WILL NEED $2

More bouncer sass from (I think) Beerland…

From (I think) beerland

And lastly, from Emo’s

I don't know about you...but I sure as hell wouldn't want someone else's sweaty-ass, filthy grimey fingers in the clean ice I drink w/.  So keep the fuck out! Thanx

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Tags: Austin · ice · money

The minor gall, the major rift

March 11th, 2008 · 113 Comments

To quote Chris Anderson responding to Milton Friedman: “A free lunch doesn’t necessarily mean the food is being given away or that you’ll pay for it later — it could just mean someone else is picking up the tab.”

Indeed, Craig in New York offers this example of the negative externalities that can come along with free stuff. On one hand: free soda. On the other: notes like these. (You can still see the CliffsNotes version peeking out from underneath.)

ATTENTION: If you have found that you are a little thirsty and upon coming here to get refreshment you notice that your favorite FREE SOFT DRINK is not currently stocked in this refrigerator and you are concerned because you think the Refrigerator Stocking Angel might be failing in her duties and you don't know what to do next! Please! Don't panic! Quietly turn towards the right (assuming you are still facing the empty refrigerator). Notice the doors on your right. Look carefully behind one of these doors, and you might find several cases of assorted warm soft drinks. if you grab a SIX PACK of your favorite, carry it gently to the refrigerator, place that SIX-PACK on a shelf and then close the refrigerator door, you might discover that when you come back later for a soft drink (remember that it take a little time for them to chill), there are cold drinks for everyone. Hallelujah! P.S. You may need to do this daily but it really won't hurt you and the Refrigerator Stocking Angel will be really appreciate of your new display of self sufficiency!

related: everyone deserves a cold drink

Tags: a little patronizing · beverages · excessive underlining · gloriously redundant · high on highlighter · New York · p.s. · spelling and grammar police · TL;DR

Je comprends…moi non plus

March 10th, 2008 · 275 Comments

Marc in San Francisco spotted this at a restaurant in the Haight called All You Knead (have fun with those puns, kids). I can certainly empathize, but after reading some of the reviews…well, maybe there’s a reason the tips aren’t so great.

Attention foreign travelers...a quick guide to the wacky American custom of tipping

related: A friendly tip from your waitress

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Francais · restaurant · San Francisco · tipping

When you can’t blame the dog

March 6th, 2008 · 127 Comments

Spotted by Maureen in Cincinnati, Ohio…

Please excuse the odor in the ladies room. It is being caused by the City of Dayton. We are currently taking action against the City to correct this problem.

(Actually, just kidding — it’s from a conference center in Dayton. But how great would that be?)

related: Blame it on Coke

Tags: bathroom · Dayton · odor · Ohio

No, He uses Vaseline

March 4th, 2008 · 187 Comments

Myra spotted this note at the fine dining establishment known as Tudor’s Biscuit World in Roanoke, Virginia. (For the record, she says, don’t believe the hype — the biscuits aren’t all that great. But if you’re looking for a place to bear witness…)

Would Jesus steal jelly?

related: There you go, bringing Him into it again

Tags: guilt trip · Jesus · restaurant · stealing · Virginia

An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

March 3rd, 2008 · 96 Comments

The “Thanks for forgetting my birthday, asshole” thank-you note: Because the only thing that would have made this e-mail from Rebecca’s (32-year-old) brother any better is a midi file soundtrack and a dancing elephant or two.

yesterday was my birthday. thanks

Adds Rebecca: “My resulting apology just yielded more hate-filled e-mails from him — nevermind that I was camping and he lives in another country which I can’t call from my cell phone! I should have taken the advice of another contributor to this site who said there is no correct way to respond to a passive-aggressive note.”

related: two birds with one snowman

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · e-mail · most popular notes of 2008 · Orlando · siblings · thanks (but not really)

Bun — er, pizza — in the oven

February 29th, 2008 · 125 Comments

Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent.  Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.

Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

Vince. Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards. Take your cardboards out of the oven! -Tristan

Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”

Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.

This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!

related: must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · Montreal · oven · pizza · preggers · smiley · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police

And my beef sandwich and my yogurt

February 28th, 2008 · 82 Comments

Spotted by Sarah in Minneapolis…

related: take out of box, place directly in toilet

Tags: "helpful" advice · food · FYI · Minneapolis/St. Paul · office fridge