Entries Tagged as 'United States'

…and the even higher risk of your ass growing too large for you to safely dislodge your head

April 7th, 2008 · 55 Comments

Originally unearthed from outside the hallowed Conde Nast cafeteria in July 2001, this digital-age relic provides a quaint look back at those halcyon days among the New York media elite — back when Gawker was still just a glint in Nick Denton’s eye, young Anna Wintour acolytes were still stuck in the induction phase of the Atkins diet, and print media still seemed to maybe, sort-of matter!

It’s hard to say which seems more charming about this exchange: the amazingly un-snarky response of the cafeteria staff? Or the fact that someone would deign to eat mayonnaise at 4 Times Square?

We have eggs; we have mayo; Why then NO EGG SALAD? Please don't force me to contact The Post's PAGE SIX!!

related: like a rotten sponge

Tags: "customer service" · "too inside fucking baseball" · excessive underlining · food · New York · not-so-veiled threats · office

Why I hate Miami, exhibit a

April 6th, 2008 · 74 Comments

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

Please do not vomit in the urinals

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · bathroom · Florida · Miami · not so much passive-aggressive · vomit

Notes white people leave

April 3rd, 2008 · 198 Comments

OMG, ramekin drama! (from San Francisco, natch…)

(click to enlarge!)

related: #54 kitchen gadgets [stuffwhitepeoplelike.com]

Tags: excessive underlining · meta · moving/not moving · San Francisco

I can has guilt trip?

April 2nd, 2008 · 112 Comments

Writes Jake in Los Angeles: “At home for Christmas (in Greenville, South Carolina) I mentioned in passing that I would ‘try’ to make it home for Easter, which is what most southern refugee children with guilt complexes tell their doting mothers even though both sides know said child has no intention of showing up to hide eggs and eat ham.”

Jake’s mom, bless her heart, didn’t get the memo.

I am a sad cat wearing bunny ears.

Wish you were coming home but I understand. Love, M

related: Too many

Tags: guilt trip · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · South Carolina · southern charm

Facebook schoolyard smackdown

April 1st, 2008 · 105 Comments

“Vet school is a sea of studying, testing, drinking and most of all: DRAMA,” reports an anonymous vet-to-be in Ames, Iowa.

Of course, as New York magazine reports this week, Facebook is taking run-of-the-mill classroom sniping to a whole new level of micro-bitchiness. If you have the patience (or the Adderall) to follow it, our submitter gives us a play-by-play of one recent status-update smackdown.

Jessika really wishes people would STOP asking questions at the review sessions, please stop wasting everyone's time because you are dumb!

Vanessa thinks people who think people are dumb should not be in professional school.

Naomi doesn't understand why ppl are upset for others asking questions during a review section. Gee, I wonder what a review section IS for???

You should really think before you "facebook" your thoughts

Vanessa hopes her classmate's future clients get better treatment than their fellow colleagues.

DRAMA IS AWESOME, WE NEED MORE!

related: So obsessed that I’m becoming a bore

Tags: Facebook · group bitchfest · Iowa · kids today · saga

Maybe you should switch to body wash?

March 31st, 2008 · 89 Comments

At least that would make the roommate situation a little less hairy

STOP USING MY BAR OF SOAP IN THE SHOWER!

related: Losing Lisa

Tags: grow up · hair · hygiene · roommates · San Diego · shower · that's disgusting

If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today…

March 28th, 2008 · 99 Comments

Well, our anonymous contributor in Pompano Beach, Florida has one for you.

He explains: “I keep a gym membership so that I can feel good about my financial commitment to my health — not so much for the actual health benefits per se. I hadn’t been to the gym in at least two months when I came across this note posted by the showers. (My shower at home was being worked on.) I’m glad I make it a habit to wear sandals in the shower during my quarterly visits.”

ATTENTION   Please refrain from defecating in the shower areas. It is unsanitary and hazardous to the health and well being of our members and staff. Thank you!

related: The Mad Bomber

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Florida · gym · shit · shower · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

March 25th, 2008 · 220 Comments

Here’s a trio of notes from California that each make me very uncomfortable…and not just because of the painful lack of irony.

First up: an excerpt from seating guidelines posted at the quaint little Mexican restaurant in Huntington Beach where Brynn used to waitress. So quaint, Brynn says, “They also posted a dress code rule that ladies must wear makeup and skirts could not be below the knee.”

Mexican people prefer a booth

Meanwhile, a little farther south, a construction worker left this note for James in San Diego…while he was parked in front of his own house.

TRY MOVING YOUR TRUCK UP SO THAT ANOTHER ONE CAN FIT ASSHOLE! O WAIT YOUR PROBABLY A FUCKIN MEXICAN!

And the last word goes to this bit of social commentary, which Jen spotted on the window of a soon-to-be-opened restaurant in San Francisco.

Speak English (OK, BITE ME XENOPHOBE!)

related: Je comprends…moi non plus

extra credit: ¡Ask a Mexican!® [ocweekly.com]

Tags: California · casual xenophobia · parking · restaurant · San Diego · your/you're

I’m pregnant…what’s your excuse?

March 23rd, 2008 · 100 Comments

Amanda in Fairhaven, Mass. recently took her sister-in-law in for an ultrasound appointment, and was a little frightened by this sign. (It was posted in three places, both inside and outside the restroom.)

IF YOU ARE HAVING AN ULTRASOUND PLEASE DO NOT EMPTY YOUR BLADDER THIS MEANS YOU!!!

related: Bun — er, pizza in the oven

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Massachusetts · piss · preggers

Welcome to SXSW, sucker

March 17th, 2008 · 123 Comments

While you were drunk-texting your latest Eugene Mirman sighting to all your pals, more industrious folk like Bryan from Minneapolis,  Betsy from L.A., and Adele from Montreal were documenting the comedic gold being served up by Austin bartenders.

There are NO fucking drink specials. Everything is special. Welcome to SXSW. Sucker. (This message sent via iPhone)

Sorry, we do not have Red Bull, Zima, Wine Coolers or Smirnoff Ice. Please don't even go there. P.S. No Shiner either.

"Cheers, Mate!" is not an acceptable tip in Texas

related: Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

Tags: Austin · bar · money · most popular notes of 2008 · tipping