Entries Tagged as 'United States'

The don of donut discipline

April 28th, 2013 · 144 Comments

Don is the organizer of a doughnut co-op in his Chicago office, in which each co-worker takes a turn bringing in doughnuts every Friday to share with the rest of the group. “One of my co-workers is notorious for cutting doughnuts in half and leaving the other half behind in the box,” Don says, “which annoys some of the other members of the co-op. Apparently a co-worker felt that I was failing to maintain doughnut discipline and took it upon himself to post this warning.”

Adds Don: “Half-doughnuts are no longer showing up.”

Bad: Thinking of cutting a donut. Worse: Actually cutting a donut. Worst: Cutting a donut and leaving the other half behind. Better: Cutting a donut and throwing the other half away. Best: Eat the whole damn donut!

related: The Office Breakroom Nibbler

Tags: Chicago · etiquette · food · most popular notes of 2013 · office

Break the wrist, walk away

April 22nd, 2013 · 27 Comments

Rob in Dallas says this note appeared “after the martial arts ‘gym’ closed down unexpectedly.” (Full disclosure: I have no idea what “gym” is supposed to imply.)

Warning to the few good people here. A lying phoney bastard called Hawkins was teaching martial arts upstairs. If you meet this scumbag don't sign any papers the asswhole [sic] teaches nothing but shit

P.S. I’m sure I’m not alone in picturing Hawkins like this:

Rex Kwon Do

related: Peter, professional tattoo artist and assistant instructor of Japanese swordsmanship

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · spelling and grammar police · warning · WTF?

Hellfire & arthritis

April 21st, 2013 · 45 Comments

An eye for an eye, I understand. But a flower for joint inflammation?

You stole my sunflowers? God punished you with ARTHRITIS! Cheers!

(Thanks to Sandra in Los Angeles for submitting!)

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · God · Los Angeles · stealing

The naked truth

April 18th, 2013 · 56 Comments

Writes Nick in New York: “Those of you who have ever lived alone will remember the feeling of liberation and wild abandon that comes with getting your first solo space after a lifetime of family and crazy roommates.”

He continues: ”Unfortunately, I’ve got neighbors across a very narrow alley (about 6 feet across) and all our windows face each other. When I first moved in I noticed their shades were always down so I carried on with the kinds of things mid-20s guys do when they live alone. I have no idea what they had an opportunity to see, but it was enough to inspire them to post this note on all three windows. Whoops?”

To The New Neighbor Dear Neighbor: Welcome to the building. Given the close proximity of our windows and out of respect for each others' privacy, we would ask that you please pull your shade down to a reasonable height. Thank you.

related: Buy curtains. Please.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · neighbors · New York

Are you a jerk turkey?

April 8th, 2013 · 43 Comments

Emptying the lint trap at the laundromat has never really bothered me, personally. At least one person in Denver, however, seems to mind a whole lot.

Casting Call! Audition! Are you a jerk turkey? An ass hat, and an all around D-bag? We're looking for YOU. Maybe you don't put the seat down after you use the bathroom.  Maybe you eat other people's food, or stiff people on their tip.  Or, MAYBE YOU DON'T EMPTY YOUR NASTY LINT TRAP AFTER DOING YOUR NASTY LAUNDRY.  Are you proud of being a dick? Celebrate! Rejoice in your complete idiocy, and lack of general consideration! We'll all be looking on in admiration as we scrape your disgusting dead skin cells and your stupid dogs hair out of your f***ing lint trap. It's lovely. Thank you for that.  CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, PIGS.

related: There’s no spitting in laundry.

Tags: Denver · laundry · neighbors

Paranoid much?

April 3rd, 2013 · 89 Comments

Our submitter in Texas said she found the first note “while trying to rearrange a kitchen cabinet that is completely dominated by my roommate’s freakishly large collection of stale old teas.” (A coffee person herself, she’s never “borrowed” any.) But the best part, she says? “This lead me to poke around the apartment and uncover several similar notes. Cheers, roomie!”

Like LITERALLY ALL OF MY FOOD, this, too is not for sharing. Ask first!

Buy your own rice, for f-ck's sake!

You have no reason to be in this drawer. buy your own eye serum; we talked about this.

related: My duh-runk roommate

Tags: roommates · stealing · Texas

Holy hydrangeas, Batman!

April 2nd, 2013 · 96 Comments

Stephen in Eugene, Oregon rode by this house on his bike and was a block away before he realized he had to go back and take a photo for posterity. “I question who is the good neighbor here,” Stephan says. “I suspect this is about more than just the hydrangeas. But maybe they just really want room to park another car on the lawn.”

BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR! :) Remove the OVERGROWN TREE!

related: And bad fences make bad neighbors?

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors · Oregon · public shaming

Wild as a mink but sweet as (broken bottles of) soda pop

March 28th, 2013 · 53 Comments

This interesting counterpoint to yesterday’s “multi-offensive” North Dakota screed was spotted by Amanda in the mountains of good ol’ East Tennessee. It was posted near a rope swing across a river, a popular place for swimming, breaking beer bottles, and, apparently, educating the next generation of foul-mouthed note-writers.

Hey asshole yeah you, you dumb redneck. Instead breaking glass bottles where my kids swim, can't u screw ur cousin instead? They have about the same entertainment value...I'm told. Or do us all a favor & screw a broken bottle. Fukn jerks

related: Roadside Intervention

Tags: small town living · southern charm · spelling and grammar police · Tennessee · that's trashy

I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work there, Lou.

March 27th, 2013 · 83 Comments

Morgan from Fargo, North Dakota went out with friends one night in Grand Forks, and the parking situation was, in his words, “atrocious.” He spotted this message on the dash of one particularly poorly-parked pickup.

Though it’s hardly the most offensive part of this “multi-offensive” note, Morgan was just as confused by Andy’s Iowa/Texas hate as I was. Interestingly, at least one recent analysis found the state with the worst drivers to be none other than…any guesses?

Are you from Iowa or Texas? Because you park like a...

 related: When parking gets political

Tags: North Dakota · parking

Here comes the troll

March 26th, 2013 · 164 Comments

Bill from Florida and his bride, Mara, both electrical engineering majors, decided to infuse their passion for their field into their “Circuit and Swirls”-themed wedding, complete with invitations featuring actual LED-running circuits. In the DIY spirit of things, Bill posted a video and a how-to guide on his blog. (So far, so good.)

A month or so later, after Bill and Mara returned from their honeymoon, they found this handwritten manifesto — excuse me, concerned warning — in their mailbox. (Because apparently plain ol’ Internet bile-spewing via, you know, the Internet would have been a little bit too passive.)

Dear Bill and Mara, Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the Internet. I came across y’all (and what appears to be y’all’s address) from a post on Wedinator. Looks like Bill posted this one himself…shocker. I’d like to point out early on here that I mean you no harm—but there are idiots on the internet who might. Moral of the story? Don’t put your home address on the internet. P.S.: ads on your videos about your wedding crap? Kindy trashy. Sure didn’t notice these until y’all started getting views in the thousands.  So, the fancy blinky invitations? Pretty cool, and kudos on the homebrew, but three words: OVER THE TOP. There is no call for this, it’s just for attention. Seriously.  Key Points:  How many people are going to keep and cherish these thing forever?  Seriously, No one cares about your damn wedding. Folks go to weddings for only a few reasons. Social obligations, food, Liquor. Looks like this is an expensive, extravagant shindig. How much did it cost? Who paid? Or financed? How many grocery trip, tanks of gas, or house down payments is that? Most people who have extravagant weddings could care less about actually getting married, they just want to be in a wedding.  You guys are really pretentious. Personal blogs are bad enough, but wedding/relationship websites are kind of disgusting.  Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Think about this: if you would be satisfied with a brief chapel wedding without guests and a road trip for a honeymoon, then you’re really ready to marry. GOOD LUCK.

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

 

Tags: "helpful" advice · Florida · most popular notes of 2013 · TL;DR · weddings and bridezillas