Entries Tagged as 'United States'

The thought that counts

December 10th, 2007 · 101 Comments

Our anonymous submitter from Dallas works in the creative department of a large corporation that’s recently cut back on extras like holiday parties and cake and fruit. This Scrooge-like misanthropy seems to have taken a toll on staff morale — even among the determined breed of office “fun fund” leaders.

(Click to enlarge; transcription below!

passive-aggressive gift exchange

subject: Secret Santa

Since we have no more motherly types left (Denise, Andrea, etc.), I have been elected to be the cruise director this year.

We’re doing it from next Monday (the 10th) to next Friday (the 14th), since people will start going out of town the week after that.

We have a $20 max. You can spend it however you like. You can get your person a $4 gift every day, a big $20 gift on the last day, or however you want to break it up.

If you’ like to participate, please come sign up at my desk by tomorrow by noon. I will be drawing the names at lunch time. It’s not mandatory for everyone to play, but just do it. Don’t be a grinch!

If you don’t care what your Santa gets you that is fine, but if you do, please post a “Secret Santa Wish List” on your cube, so that they will have an idea what you like, and can go shopping this weekend.

Also, don’t give people used stuff (the person who gave me the half burned candle two years ago knows who they are!).

related: If you can afford $10 worth of flair…

Tags: actions speak louder · Dallas/Fort Worth · holiday spirit · office · party planning committee

Get your own :)

December 9th, 2007 · 82 Comments

Individual cheese pizza with chicken, bacon, sun-dried tomato and feta cheese plus a side salad: $6.31. Addressing your note “to whom it may concern” when you only have one roommate? (You know the rest.)

get your own :)

(Thanks to Todd in Stillwater, Oklahoma for snapping the photo.)

related: you left evidence

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · Oklahoma · pizza · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · smiley

Blame it on Coke

December 6th, 2007 · 158 Comments

Casey from Shreveport, Louisiana spotted this on the Coke machine in the office break room. she clarifies: “Henry G.’s comment is in reference to the increase in price, not Katie’s wanting more Coke Zero.”

Due to the rising cost of soft drinks, the price of drinks has gone up to $1.25. We are sorry for the inconvenience this may cause. (! want COKE ZERO back! I'll buy more, I promise.)

Meanwhile, Breanna in L.A. saw this somewhat amusing notice in a liquor store on the corner of Hollywood and Wine. (“Did someone pee on it?” she wonders.)

Sorry for the incontinent, Coke Company has neglected to repair the cooler.

related: I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade?

Tags: Coke · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · not my fault · office · raging against the machine · Say wha? · Shreveport · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama

It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

December 5th, 2007 · 138 Comments

Joe in Northern Virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

IT's not funny! It's not a joke! It's STEALING...and it could cost you your job! Please be sure that you don't "accidentally" eat someone else's food!

BEWARE One of your coworkers is a thief and so completely lazy that they stole my sandwich. They stole a HOMEMADE sandwich. Who steals food in the first place? And honestly, who steals a non-packaged product? Do you really want something someone else handled? From now on, I suggest everyone sneezes on and profusely licks their food prior to bringing it to work. I know I will.

The the ignorant person who stole my lunch between yesterday and today: I just wanted to let you know that I have strep throat and you'll notice I had partially eaten the food. Don't be surprised if you get sick.

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · ellipses-crazed · food · karma's a bitch · licking · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · Reston · stealing · Virginia

Holy matrimony

December 4th, 2007 · 105 Comments

Karolina in Dallas says she typically tries to wait her husband out in situations like this one, but she almost always ends up caving — “particularly when mold is involved.”

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related: 10 people, 1 kitchen

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · dishes · mold · sig o

Choose-your-own adventure memo

December 4th, 2007 · 125 Comments

Daniel saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.

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related: Priorities

Tags: memo · New York · office · pleasantries as afterthought · rhetorical question · toilet

I used to be your biggest fan

December 3rd, 2007 · 69 Comments

Derek and his bandmates in the Grand rapids, Michigan rock/metal band Charles the Osprey were in the middle of a post-set smoke when the club’s bartender came outside, grinning ear-to-ear, and handed them this note.

Unlike the unwilling participants in Improv Rverywhere’s “best gig ever,” Charles the Osprey seem to be taking the attention in stride. Writes Derek: “The funniest part is that she says nothing about the songwriting, which is obviously what she really hated, but rather talks about our lack of talent!”

Band #1 — Thanks for playing tonight. I really enjoyed your obvious lack of musical talent. It also really helps to play your bad music really, really, low! Give me a call sometime. Meghan 6168418159

(Sorry, would-be prank callers: it’s a non-working number.)

related: You know he only became a dj to get girls

Tags: Grand Rapids · Michigan · music · sarcasm · thanks (but not really)

ABP on the V8

December 2nd, 2007 · 88 Comments

Nobody likes it when food goes missing from the office fridge, but one V8-drinking facilities staffer in Savannah, Georgia wanted to make her displeasure a bit more official.

ABP on the V8

Adds our anonymous submitter: “As you can see, the pest control department took appropriate action.”

ABP on the V8

related: If the TSA was in charge of the office fridge? 

Tags: beverages · Georgia · office · office fridge · Savannah · stealing

Gossip boy

December 2nd, 2007 · 46 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in San Diego got this text message from a friend, explaining: “It’s in reference to him hooking up with one of my friends on my couch. He’s hooked up with three of my friends to date. It’s bound to get around, ya know?”

So I am so glad my drunk outings with you turn into great stories you share with EVERYONE

Adds our submitter: “There’s no safe way to respond to a passive-aggressive text, so I haven’t.”

related: Recipe for roommate discord

Tags: drizzunk · frenemies · San Diego · sarcasm · sex sex sex · text message

It’s not food, mister — it’s ice cream!

November 29th, 2007 · 100 Comments

Tourist traps have the best signs. More proof? This exercise in subtlety is from Provincetown, Mass., where it was spotted by intrepid vacationer Teresa from Boise.

Ice cream: apparently no longer a food

Exhibit b) is from Washington, D.C., in a store Sam says sold “all sorts of crap, from Nixon and Michael Jackson pins to African drums and sweaters.”

No Food No Drink No Smoking No Ice Cream

And in Las Vegas, even “the ice cream of the future” doesn’t get a special exemption.

But...it's the ice cream of the future!

Tags: beverages · blitzkrieg approach · Cape Cod · CAPS LOCK · D.C. · food · ice cream · Massachusetts · questionable logic · smoking · tourists