Entries Tagged as 'Pennsylvania'

Jesus is my copilot…and my home security system.

March 17th, 2011 · 75 Comments

Gloria in Pennsylvania spotted this warning — sort of a New Testament twist on the old “lamb’s blood on the doorpost” trick — posted on a neighbor’s apartment door.

You - trying to get in: This Household is protected by the blood of Jesus. The LORD Rebuke You. Isaiah 54:17; Psalm 91; Malachie 3:11-12. How is it that you are NOT afraid to come against God's Anointed???

Now, maybe it’s because I’m a godless heathen, but if I ever took up a life of crime, I think I might find this sign from a West Virginia convenience store (as photographed by Matt in Brooklyn) just a bit more convincing.

Attention burglars I sleep here if you break in you will be shot and may die

related: When sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately!

Tags: God · Jesus · most popular notes of 2011 · not-so-veiled threats · Pennsylvania · questionable logic · stealing · warning · West Virginia

Stop “blocking your blessing”

February 3rd, 2011 · 76 Comments

Jo spotted this testimony in a restroom at the University of the Sciences in Philadelphia.

I guessing this particular portion of the Gospel of (the) John was lost in translation from the Greek or some such — a shame, cause “God doesn’t like ugly” would make a great protest sign.

To the Person Who Keeps Leaving Their Mess in the Toilet. I'M SO GLAD I WASN'T RAISED LIKE YOU....I KNOW YOU ARE PURPOSELY LEAVING YOUR MESS IN THE TOILET BECAUSE YOU DO IT EVERY DAY.... STOP BLOCKING YOUR BLESSING BY BEING MEAN SPIRITED GROW UP!!!!!. AND FLUSH THE TOILET. THAT'S JUST NASTY!!!!!!!!!!! [that is so true (shame on you)] GOD DOESN'T LIKE

related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · college life · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · God · grow up · Philadelphia · toilet · You call that punctuation?

“You gave me an F? I’m reporting you to the FDA!”

January 25th, 2011 · 54 Comments

Near the start of the semester, a classmate (or, rather, a former classmate) of our submitter sent this this huffy message of “warm regards” to everyone on the course listserv. ”I guess someone doesn’t know how to unsubscribe from Yahoo Groups,” our submitter says. “Instead, by posting this message, she ‘flooded’ all of our inboxes.” And that is not a good thing.

I, for one, would LOVE to see this girl’s complaint to the FCC. I envision a bright future for her writing blustery cease & desist letters as an attorney-at-LOL until retiring to concentrate on angry letters to the editor.

Dear Class, Something came up and I have to quit the class. Please stop flooding my box with emails and get me out of this class and please do regard this letter and stop flooding me with emails. Or I will report you to the FCC and that is not a good thing. Thank you. With the Warmest Regards, [Redacted]

related: Be informed; Homeland Security will be.

Tags: college life · Pennsylvania · pleasantries as afterthought · WTF?

May your New Year be very prosperous…so you can tip me better next time.

January 3rd, 2011 · 63 Comments

Shawn in Pennsylvania found this oh-so-subtly guilt-trippy thank you note tucked inside his Sunday paper. (“Apparently our paper delivery person is hoping for bigger and better tips in 2011,” he says.)

Happy New Year I would like to say to all that gave or didn't give a thoughtful gift. Thank You doing [sic] these economic times, believe me last year was a very tough year for me, you all made the end of my year lot better [sic]. Once again thank you all and may your New Year be very prosperous and blessed.  Your carrier, [redacted]

related: If you don’t tip you’re racist

Tags: guilt trip · holiday spirit · newspaper · Pennsylvania · spelling and grammar police · tipping

A solid argument for liquid soap

December 21st, 2010 · 54 Comments

When men and women are forced to share a bathroom, our submitter in Philadelphia explains, “sometimes gentle reminders are needed to keep the household hygiene at an acceptable level.”

GENTLEMEN PLEASE clean your PUBES off of the SOAP. ~thank you~

And as Meghan the intern discovered during a summer gig in New York City, sometimes those gentle reminders bear repeating at the office, too.

All employees must wash genitals

related: Rocketpubes.com

Tags: art · hygiene · New York · Philadelphia · soap

Jukebox Justice

December 6th, 2010 · 82 Comments

Our submitter, a bartender in D.C., might not be the world’s biggest Mariah Carey fan, but when a group of customers put “All I Want for Christmas is You,” on the jukebox last Saturday night, he didn’t complain. But when the same group queued the song up again — three times in a row — he invoked his bartender’s privilege and skipped it. After all, he says, “It was DECEMBER 4th. I gave them their money back, but they still kept calling me ‘Grinch.’”

I have to step in here and note that, yes, that song is like crack — once you’re hooked, one hit is never enough. But that’s when you go home and spend the 99 cents to download it so you can indulge your addiction on endless repeat without coughing up a quarter every time. However, money management not being the forte of most addicts, at the end of the night the holiday-happy patrons left behind this oh-so-classy note in lieu of a tip.

Sorry for partying. Sorry we enjoy Christmas.

That very same weekend, meanwhile, Amy noticed that the bartender at one of her local haunts in Murrysville, Pennsylvania has taken a proactive approach to this particular problem. “Normally a super friendly place, I was sooo tempted to play ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ just to see what they would do.” (Instead, she held on to that feeling — privately — and took a picture.)

If you play

related: “You Can Call Me Arse”: A review of last night’s performance

extra credit: Jukebox Etiquette 101

Tags: a matter of taste · bar · Christmas · D.C. · heart · holiday spirit · music · non-apology apology · Pennsylvania · tipping · xoxo

A not-so-subtle clue that your coworker isn’t interested in cubicle small talk

October 24th, 2010 · 92 Comments

Writes our submitter in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: “A woman in my office was recently relocated to a new cubicle, apparently against her will. I don’t really know her, but I guess now I know not what not to use as an ice breaker!”

YES THIS IS MY NEW HOME (FOR NOW) YES THE SPACE IS SMALLER YES IT'S A LONGER WALK TO THE COPIER YES IT'S A SHORTER WALK TO THE BATHROOM NO I'M NOT SETTLED IN NO I HAVEN'T ADJUSTED YET NO IT'S NOT QUIETER NO I DON'T KNOW WHY

related: Really, enough about the weather.

Tags: CAPS LOCK · let me stop you right there · most popular notes of 2010 · office · Pennsylvania · small talk

“Really, Honey. Take your time!”

April 9th, 2010 · 118 Comments

Gail in Pennsylvania says the Ann Taylor Loft store at her local mall has a small table stocked with paper and crayons — “an offering to the busy mother who has been forced to bring her pesky little children along for a shopping trip.”

When she took a closer look at the table’s scribblings, however, she had to chuckle at the sitcom-like image of a grown man stuffed into one those kiddie-sized chairs. Adds Gail: “I wonder if Greg’s wife ever saw her wonderful husband’s little PA note to the world? Well, here’s her chance!”

Greg was here waiting 'PATIENTLY' for his wife to try clothes on

related: Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

Tags: actually totally reasonable · battle of the sexes · martyr complex · message to all intended for one · Pennsylvania · retail hell · sig o

Raging against the little guy

October 20th, 2009 · 187 Comments

Kellye from Huntsville, Alabama spotted these notes posted on boarded-up diner during last month’s G20 summit in Pittsburgh.

Explains Kellye: “The broken windows were caused by a few rowdy anarchists/drunk college kids from Oakland who apparently missed the mark in their defiance of the man. Since the vandals represented only a very small cross-section of protesters involved, other more local-friendly civil disobedients apparently saw fit to apologize for in their stead and offer their respectful patronage.”

related: silent protest

Tags: heart · note wars · Pittsburgh · raging against the machine · spelling and grammar police · Starbucks

Oh! Shit!

July 15th, 2009 · 168 Comments

Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

DO NOT PUT ANY!!! FECES IN THIS CONTAINER!!!!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”

IF YOU SHIT!! THEN YOU SPRAY!!

Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · Pennsylvania · shit · Texas