Entries Tagged as 'Dallas/Fort Worth'

Nobody does guilt trips quite like Grandma

August 28th, 2013 · 50 Comments

“My dear, sweet grandmother is a treasure in my life,” writes Jessi in Dallas. To her horror, however, she realized — upon receiving this anonymous postcard from ‘a friend,’ — that she had forgotten to wish her grandmother a happy birthday this year.

Already feeling pretty guilty, says Jessi: “I immediately called her and received an additional 40-minute guilt trip over the phone. Today I sent her a birthday card in the mail.” Still, Jessi can’t help but how long it’ll be before she makes it off of Grandma’s “naughty list.”

Jessica, Where are you? I know you are out there somewhere. Contact your grandmother. She is three years away from being eighty. She is deaf and all alone. A Friend.

related: If you have a birthday and don’t hear from your grandchildren, is it still a birthday?

Tags: birthday · Dallas/Fort Worth · Grandma · guilt trip · mea culpa

Break the wrist, walk away

April 22nd, 2013 · 27 Comments

Rob in Dallas says this note appeared “after the martial arts ‘gym’ closed down unexpectedly.” (Full disclosure: I have no idea what “gym” is supposed to imply.)

Warning to the few good people here. A lying phoney bastard called Hawkins was teaching martial arts upstairs. If you meet this scumbag don't sign any papers the asswhole [sic] teaches nothing but shit

P.S. I’m sure I’m not alone in picturing Hawkins like this:

Rex Kwon Do

related: Peter, professional tattoo artist and assistant instructor of Japanese swordsmanship

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · spelling and grammar police · warning · WTF?

To spray or not spray?

June 3rd, 2012 · 73 Comments

At our submitter’s office in Fort Worth, the third-floor ladies room has an ongoing problem. “Every single day,” our submitter explains, one particular person uses the facilities and then sprays enough perfume to kill a cow…as if you could cover that smell.”

And yet, given the abundance of pro-sprayers in charge of office ladies’ rooms, I’m afraid this is bound to remain another one of those never-ending workplace disagreements.

If you "poo" in the "loo"....Please don't spray perfume, because it still smells "ewww". (There is nothing worse than perfumed poo. The "poo" smell is still there, but not we have another assault on our poor nose.) We 'poo' too.... It's OK.... Really.....

related: Have you tried Giant Migraine™ scented air freshener?

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · ellipses-crazed · message to all intended for one · odor · shit

Welcome to Texas

April 10th, 2012 · 63 Comments

…where Santa brings you bunny stationery and a shotgun in the same stocking!

I got a new Benelli SuperNova for Christmas. Keep jiggling my door handle and I will show it to you personally. Have a nice day!

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · have a nice day · neighbors · nice stationery · not-so-veiled threats · Texas

Won’t someone think of the children?

December 16th, 2010 · 57 Comments

Part 2 in our “How to be the worst neighbor ever” series comes to us courtesy of Chris in Fort Worth, Texas.

When he first saw the note go up in his apartment complex, says Chris, “I thought it was pretty funny, but it wasn’t until the thief wrote a response that I had to take a picture.”

[Typewritten:} Stop taking my newspapers, you goddamn jerk.

related: All the news that’s fit to steal

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · neighbors · newspaper · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police · stealing · Won't somebody think of the children?

Three never-ending office arguments

September 27th, 2010 · 61 Comments

I’d nominate all three of these for inclusion in the encyclopedia entry for “petty office debates.”

Exhibit a) From  San Francisco:

Your mother does not work here. This is disgusting for others who use this restroom. {Response:] YOU SURE NAG LIKE MY MOTHER

Exhibit b) From Jeron in Dallas:

To conserve energy, please turn off the dupe deck when you are done. Tks [RESPONSE:] food for thought: it may in fact consume more energy to continually turn it off + on.

Exhibit c) From Monterey, California:

Covering your food keeps microwave clean. Thnx! [RESPONSE:] Please state the obvious here...

related: Completely valid rebuttals

Tags: California · cleaning · Dallas/Fort Worth · energy usage · microwave · office · oh snap · rebuttals · San Francisco · that's disgusting · thx · Your mother doesn't...

Scottish blinking balls

April 1st, 2010 · 92 Comments

I don’t know what this note is really about — Shane in Dallas just said he found it on the bulletin board in his apartment building — but I know I definitely won’t be stopping by #2913 to “talk” it over.

(It just, uh, doesn’t sound like my scene.)

To the Person who has two of our blinking garden balls, taken from #2913... Don't forget, we still have 5 more ...wouldn't want you to not to have a complete set! These came from Scotland. Why don't you stop by, and we'll "talk" it over....? :)

related: you can have the inflatable bananas

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · kinda creepy · neighbors · smiley · WTF?

An anonymous rant against anonymity

October 1st, 2009 · 114 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Dallas says this randomly showed up one day on the bulletin board at work with no further explanation, leaving everyone to puzzle over the notewriter’s intended motive. (To hurt? To edify? It boggles the mind!)

an anonymous rant against anonymity

related: Oh, the irony

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · office

More crooked chiropractors

July 23rd, 2009 · 109 Comments

My favorite part of this landlord-chiropractor dispute in Brooklyn is the (professionally printed?) “tenant snuck out over the weekend” sign. How long has this landlord had that one in reserve?

TENANT SNUCK OUT OVER WEEKEND

Meanwhile, Dan in Dallas received this direct-mail don’t from a doc he’s dubbed “Dmitri the chiropractor.”

spinal manipulation

related: spinal manipulation

Tags: Brooklyn · Dallas/Fort Worth · landlords and property managers · message to all intended for one

Coming soon: the all-you-can-spell buffet

August 31st, 2008 · 80 Comments

Jesse says he spotted this sign at a great Mongolian restaurant in the Dallas area. “They recently changed their name from Ton’s Mongolian Grill to Tao’s garden, but apparently they haven’t figured out how to spell it yet.”

Tao''s Gadren [sic] offers all you can buffet not all you can waste. Thank you!

related: Best. Potluck. Theme. Ever.

Tags: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · Dallas/Fort Worth · food · restaurant · spelling and grammar police