Writes our submitter in Houston: “The secretary on our floor is never at her desk — so much, in fact, that she’s been reported numerous times. We recently got a new office copier and somehow she decided that she has ownership of it. Based on the note below, it looks like someone needed help and was a little frustrated that, once again, she couldn’t be located.” Aaaand troll mode activated!

Adds our submitter: “The secretary EXPLODED when she saw that someone had the nerve to touch her machine.”

related: My Secretary, Sybil

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”

Writes Stephanie in Houston: “Looks like someone got a little tired of folding shirts.”

related: Thanks for NOT shopping here!

This [plagiarized] note comes to us from a staff restroom at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “This is just great,” says our submitter. “We can put a 7-degrees-of-freedom robotic arm in space that can build a space station, but we can’t get a ‘wall robot’ to work…or even send in a work order request to get it fixed.”

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, would you care to test out this motion sensor hand towel machine for yourself?

Aaaaand…there you have it.

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “Nice Work If You Can Get It” [This American Life]

If only there were a simple solution to this problem…

related: PC Load Letter?!

Spotted by Analee at Houston’s annual Nutcracker Market, “a holiday shopping wonderland“…

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

As amused as Emily in Houston was by this item description at the local Salvation Army store, she had to empathize a bit with the poor sucker who wrote it. (“The desk really was large and heavy-looking,” she says.)

related: We don’t want your ugly couches and heavy desks.

Roslyn in Houston found this note under her roommate’s windshield wiper just over a month after they both moved in. Puzzlingly, she says, “We do not own a rooster, nor have we ever seen or even heard one.”

(In that case, Roslyn, I’d tell your roommate’s boyfriend to pre-watch-out.)

related: Cock fight!

So, the other day, Olivia’s mother and aunt were having a conversation, and her Mom was fretting about how she’d been overeating this week and how she was going back on her diet the very next day and blahblahblahwhydon’tgrown-upsevertalkaboutanythinginteresting.

Olivia says this inspired her eavesdropping 7-year-old sister to post this helpful reminder where their Mom gets ready in the morning, just to make sure she wouldn’t forget!

related: Please don’t take this the wrong way, pregnant lady, but have you considered Weight Watchers?