…then you obviously haven’t been introduced to the Houston, Texas model apparently gunning for the title of “the Dane Cook of household appliances.”

(For that, you can be thankful.)

related: Microwave on the run!

Luckily, Liz in Houston convinced her work buddy not to forward this not-at-all-passive Jerry Springer-esque rant to the entire company e-mail list, as originally intended. (Otherwise, work buddy’s much-needed vacation might have turned out to be a permanent one.)

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

extra credit: How not to land an internship [gawker.com]

Claire and her mom found this relic of childhood while going through a filing cabinet over Christmas. “Neither of us know what prompted it,” Claire says, “though apparently I was mad enough about something to write her this note, but not mad enough to go to bed without her telling me goodnight. Boy, was I one passive-aggressive 11-year-old!”

related: I’ll have you know

Alec in Houston found this little work of art on his desk, he says, “after I went out for lunch and didn’t do the dishes like they had asked.” With gritted teeth, he goes on: “They have ‘too much work’ and I have ‘none’ so I might as well wash them!”

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Writes Tim in Berkeley: “Although this note is over 17 years old, I think it’s still worth submitting, at the very least as an example of notes from a bygone era. I received this note from the apartment manager when I was a senior at Rice University, living in an off-campus apartment. Admittedly, I wasn’t the cleanest tenant — but what 20-year-old college kid living alone in a studio apartment is?”

Adds Tim: “The really sad thing was that I had cleaned my apartment before this note — she should have seen the place before!”

related: be informed, homeland security will be

What to do after you’ve already written your daily letters to the editor, congressman and the local weatherman and you’ve still got hours to go before the early bird buffet? Well, you turn to the classifieds!

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

First of all, the disclaimer: Our anonymous submitter in Houston lives in an apartment complex with very limited parking for residents. “When I come home from work late at night,” she explains, “the handicapped parking spot is typically the only one available.” That excuse, however, doesn’t seem to cut it for one of her neighbors.

As you’ll see from the note left on our submitter’s windshield, this eagle-eyed neighbor perhaps isn’t what you’d call “book-smart,” but — gosh darn it — what she lacks in basic spelling and grammar skills she more than makes up for with raw gumption and a steely sense of self-righteousness!

[Rough translation, from our anonymous submitter: "I see that you are not handicapped, but you park in the handicapped parking spot in our apartment complex. I am not handicapped, and I don't know anyone in the complex who is, but I feel entitled to tell you to stop parking there.  Furthermore, I feel entitled enough to have your car towed if you park there again."]

related: Mahvelous, just mahvelous

Writes an anonymous submitter in Houston: “A neighbor in my building put up an Obama yard sign on the door of her apartment around the time of the Texas primary. When it disappeared, I assumed she took it down herself.”

Then up went this note — a cheerful bit of propaganda that oh-so-subtly disproves all those ugly stereotypes about “self-righteous Obama supporters” with a colorful blaze of moralistic tsk-tsking and First-Amendment flag-waving. (Woo! Obama ’08!)