Entries Tagged as 'Texas'

Nobody does guilt trips quite like Grandma

August 28th, 2013 · 50 Comments

“My dear, sweet grandmother is a treasure in my life,” writes Jessi in Dallas. To her horror, however, she realized — upon receiving this anonymous postcard from ‘a friend,’ — that she had forgotten to wish her grandmother a happy birthday this year.

Already feeling pretty guilty, says Jessi: “I immediately called her and received an additional 40-minute guilt trip over the phone. Today I sent her a birthday card in the mail.” Still, Jessi can’t help but how long it’ll be before she makes it off of Grandma’s “naughty list.”

Jessica, Where are you? I know you are out there somewhere. Contact your grandmother. She is three years away from being eighty. She is deaf and all alone. A Friend.

related: If you have a birthday and don’t hear from your grandchildren, is it still a birthday?

Tags: birthday · Dallas/Fort Worth · Grandma · guilt trip · mea culpa

Happily ever after

May 22nd, 2013 · 51 Comments

Loree in Texas found this crumpled Post-it note in her front yard. “Why the husband threw this gem away boggles the mind, but I am so glad it ended up where it did.”

Passed out twice in one week. Wow. At least you're not in underwear and socks this time —Your Proud Wife

related: Haterade on the rocks, with a twist

Tags: drizzunk · love & marriage · Texas

Break the wrist, walk away

April 22nd, 2013 · 27 Comments

Rob in Dallas says this note appeared “after the martial arts ‘gym’ closed down unexpectedly.” (Full disclosure: I have no idea what “gym” is supposed to imply.)

Warning to the few good people here. A lying phoney bastard called Hawkins was teaching martial arts upstairs. If you meet this scumbag don't sign any papers the asswhole [sic] teaches nothing but shit

P.S. I’m sure I’m not alone in picturing Hawkins like this:

Rex Kwon Do

related: Peter, professional tattoo artist and assistant instructor of Japanese swordsmanship

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · spelling and grammar police · warning · WTF?

Paranoid much?

April 3rd, 2013 · 89 Comments

Our submitter in Texas said she found the first note “while trying to rearrange a kitchen cabinet that is completely dominated by my roommate’s freakishly large collection of stale old teas.” (A coffee person herself, she’s never “borrowed” any.) But the best part, she says? “This lead me to poke around the apartment and uncover several similar notes. Cheers, roomie!”

Like LITERALLY ALL OF MY FOOD, this, too is not for sharing. Ask first!

Buy your own rice, for f-ck's sake!

You have no reason to be in this drawer. buy your own eye serum; we talked about this.

related: My duh-runk roommate

Tags: roommates · stealing · Texas

Revenge: a dish best served chilled?

December 11th, 2012 · 74 Comments

Our submitter in Texas — where we are currently experiencing out annual three days of winter — spotted this note posted yesterday on the office fridge. “I know who ate the ‘chili,’” our submitter claims, “because I heard her comment on how she knew it must be organic because the true owner was a hippie.”

DEAR CHILI THIEF: The first time you stole & ate my bowl of chili it was chili. The second time it was dog food. Hope you enjoyed. Sincerely, your friend in payback

related: Don’t get mad, get creative!

extra credit: The Original Fridge Locker

Tags: food · most popular notes of 2012 · oh snap · revenge · stealing · Texas

Talkin’ trash

October 15th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Our submitter, a college student in Texas, says this note appeared just two weeks into the fall semester. “I’m excited to see what gets posted a few weeks from now when nothing changes,” she adds.

In the meantime, can somebody get this kid a thesaurus?

Dear Residents of Level 4, Pick up your motherfucking trash and take it down to the motherfucking dumpster. Quit being such disrespectful assholes, and lazy Fat fucks and just drive your fucking trash down to the TRASH CAN. I swear to god I will shove a broom up your ass if you don't start keeping up after yourselves. You are a motherfucking slob. Sincerely, I fucking hate you

related: Kiss your mother with that mouth?

 

Tags: college life · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · garbage · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · Texas · that's disrespectful

Well, that’s a bit rude.

September 30th, 2012 · 67 Comments

Emily in Texas remembers her parents being convinced she was most uncouth child ever born — they even sent her to etiquette school to clean up her act. Well, she got a rude reminder of those days when she found this birthday card in the back of her closet.

Dear Daughter, We wish you [a] very Happy 7th Birthday and hope you will make us proud of you by doing everything better [particularly] on your [manners]. from Mom & Dad

related: Happy Valentine’s Day from Mom

Tags: birthday · etiquette · Moms & Dads · spelling and grammar police · Texas

FU Load Letter

September 26th, 2012 · 37 Comments

Writes our submitter in Houston: “The secretary on our floor is never at her desk — so much, in fact, that she’s been reported numerous times. We recently got a new office copier and somehow she decided that she has ownership of it. Based on the note below, it looks like someone needed help and was a little frustrated that, once again, she couldn’t be located.” Aaaand troll mode activated!

PLEASE SEE ME IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS IN REGARD TO THIS MACHINE OR HOW TO OPERATE OR CLEAR A JAM. DO NOT START PUSHING BUTTONS OR OPENING THINGS IF YOU ARE UNSURE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING. SEE ME FOR ASSISTANCE. THANK YOU.   Went to your desk. You weren't there. Pushed LOTS of buttons. :)

Adds our submitter: “The secretary EXPLODED when she saw that someone had the nerve to touch her machine.”

Went to your desk. You weren't there. Pushed LOTS of buttons. :)

related: My Secretary, Sybil

Tags: Houston · office · oh no you didn't · overzealous secretary · smartass · smiley · touching

Doo unto others

August 26th, 2012 · 24 Comments

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

Don't forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet. Please, keep my Father's house clean!

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”

 

Tags: Denver · God · Houston · shit · toilet · toilet paper

Soda shaming

August 23rd, 2012 · 48 Comments

Well, now that dog shaming is officially a thing…

I wasn’t invited to Shakespeare in the Park so I ate all the Shakespeare off the bookshelf.

…it was really only a matter of time before we moved onto the shaming of non-sentient beings.

I am a FRAUD. I hid in the slot where Dr. pepper is supposed to be so that someone has to buy me and drink my horrible flavor. She took two drinks, cursed me, and made me wear this note in shame.

related: Nutranot-so-sweet

Tags: beverages · public shaming · San Antonio · vending machine drama