Entries Tagged as 'Texas'

To spray or not spray?

June 3rd, 2012 · 73 Comments

At our submitter’s office in Fort Worth, the third-floor ladies room has an ongoing problem. “Every single day,” our submitter explains, one particular person uses the facilities and then sprays enough perfume to kill a cow…as if you could cover that smell.”

And yet, given the abundance of pro-sprayers in charge of office ladies’ rooms, I’m afraid this is bound to remain another one of those never-ending workplace disagreements.

If you "poo" in the "loo"....Please don't spray perfume, because it still smells "ewww". (There is nothing worse than perfumed poo. The "poo" smell is still there, but not we have another assault on our poor nose.) We 'poo' too.... It's OK.... Really.....

related: Have you tried Giant Migraine™ scented air freshener?

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · ellipses-crazed · message to all intended for one · odor · shit

A serenity prayer with bite

April 27th, 2012 · 44 Comments

Kelli in North Dakota says one of her neighbors plastered the entire building with these notes, directed to a certain wannabe baseball player/bull rider/oral cancer patient.

(Some not-so-fun facts: At 15.3%, North Dakota has the second-highest rate in the country of tobacco-chewing high schoolers. Among North Dakotan adult males, about 1 in 10 chews.)

Dear God, Please do not let me find out who put their chew on my door handle. Grant me the strength to not want to rip their bottom lip off when I find out who it was!

Meanwhile, here in Texas, submitter Katie is unsure whether her neighbors’ cars are being pelted with the likes of Copenhagen or queso. (In Texas, it really could go either way.)

TO WHOEVER IS THROWING DIP ON OUR CARS. I HOPE I CATCH YOU!

related: My garbage can is not your spit cup. 

Tags: God · neighbors · North Dakota · not-so-veiled threats · Texas · thanks (but not really)

When frenemies attack

April 17th, 2012 · 90 Comments

Well, girls, I’d say you have at least few things in common…unfortunately for the rest of us.

ATTN Roomies: You are jerks for locking me out of the room while I was in the shower. I hate you all. We have nothing in common anymore, and are officially no longer friends. That is all. -Caley

Dear Caley, We did that on purpose. We all secretly hate you. We have nothing in common. -Ayesha :) P.S. We're gonna do it again...

related: Yes, this is from a college campus.

Tags: college life · heart · mean girls · roommates · smiley · Texas

The medium is the message

April 12th, 2012 · 34 Comments

I can’t speak for the food at the restaurant where Edwin works, but when it comes to this note from his boss, the irony is delicious.

Guest cks are NOT memo pads. Use scratch paper!

related: Please refrain from unintentional irony

Tags: now that's management · restaurant · Texas

Welcome to Texas

April 10th, 2012 · 63 Comments

…where Santa brings you bunny stationery and a shotgun in the same stocking!

I got a new Benelli SuperNova for Christmas. Keep jiggling my door handle and I will show it to you personally. Have a nice day!

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · have a nice day · neighbors · nice stationery · not-so-veiled threats · Texas

The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

February 8th, 2012 · 28 Comments

If only there were a simple solution to this problem…

PRINTER OUT OF TONER Please use another Printer that has Toner. Because this one doesn't. Don't bother complaining. There are other Printers with Toner.  The Splash one is rarely used nowadays. It's lonely. It has excess toner. This message is a waste of toner. PROCRASTINATION.

related: PC Load Letter?!

Tags: Houston · most popular notes of 2012 · office · the printer

I just want to know the truth!

December 20th, 2011 · 46 Comments

Below: the first of many heartbreaking childhood disappointments to come for Kaeton’s six-year-old cousin, Laylah.

Dear moma and paw, Why didnt you tell me the tooth fairy wasn't real? Why doesn't the tooth fairy come? I asked you what the tooth fairy does with my teeth and you didn't answer me. You just nodded your head and made a funny face. I just want to know the truth! Love, Laylah.

related: Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

extra credit: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

Tags: kids · Moms & Dads · signed with love · Texas

So…atheists shop for free?

December 8th, 2011 · 43 Comments

Spotted by Analee at Houston’s annual Nutcracker Market, “a holiday shopping wonderland“…

This business belonds to God. If you steal from us you are stealing from Him. It's much cheaper to pay our price than His. Thanks!

related: No, He uses Vaseline.

Tags: God · guilt trip · Houston · retail hell · stealing

It’s a backbreaker.

December 4th, 2011 · 15 Comments

As amused as Emily in Houston was by this item description at the local Salvation Army store, she had to empathize a bit with the poor sucker who wrote it. (“The desk really was large and heavy-looking,” she says.)

The Salvation Army Family Store and Donation Center - $39.99 Item: HEAVY Desk Description: It's a backbreaker

related: We don’t want your ugly couches and heavy desks.

Tags: Houston · retail hell

Guns? Sure. Tortillas? Hell, no.

October 15th, 2011 · 52 Comments

Spotted by Tiffany in San Antonio, Texas…

(Not passive-aggressive, just too amusing not to share.)

NO TORTILLAS ALLOWED IN THE THEATRE. EVERYONE WILL BE SUBJECT TO A SECURITY SEARCH.

The not-quite-so-amusing explanation, courtesy of commenter NativeoSanantonio: This is at the Aztec Theater in downtown San Antonio. It’s a live music venue that has a classic country music show. Fans would throw tortillas on stage as a show of appreciation. It was cute at first but quickly got out of control. The performers asked for the “No Tortilla” rule.

related: Professionally done “by Asians”

Tags: food · not so much passive-aggressive · San Antonio · WTF?