I recently returned from a few days in San Antonio, Texas, where my friend Matt and I amused ourselves on the Riverwalk with a competition to find the tackiest souvenir possible in each store within three minutes or less. (My first win: a “pooping armadillo” keychain.) When we entered this fine establishment, however, I had to call a time-out.

I didn’t even get a chance to take photos of all the signs at this one store — including some amazing ones taped to the register — before I started getting the stink-eye from the manager. (I generally try to stay out of trouble in states that allow their teachers to come to class armed.) I’m telling you, Alamo, Schmalamo: this store was the highlight of my trip.

related: Tourist traps have the best signs

Jesse says he spotted this sign at a great Mongolian restaurant in the Dallas area. “They recently changed their name from Ton’s Mongolian Grill to Tao’s garden, but apparently they haven’t figured out how to spell it yet.”

related: Best. Potluck. Theme. Ever.

Three U.S. cities where nature-lovers might want to keep their hands to themselves:

1. Austin, Texas

2. Macon, Georgia

3. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

(Thanks to Don in Austin, Elizabeth in Macon, and Jasmine in Pittsburgh for risking the wrath of some devoted gardening/second amendment enthusiasts to document these warnings.)

related: No “questions” asked

You say you’re politically engaged, but do you know where your candidate stands on…vanity license plates? Are they:

a) a bombastic example of the first amendment in action

b) a potent symbol for the reductive nature of America’s two-party political system

c) unwise at any speed

Still undecided? Take a look at the tags Rachel has on her car in Austin, Texas:

And the note she found recently on her windshield:

Meanwhile, in blue-state land…

Which led to this note posted in the office parking garage, and documented for us by Melissa in Long Beach:

related: The audacity of theft

extra credit: License plates and the first amendment [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Rock the vote!

When Sheena in Austin spotted this note on her neighbor’s front door, she couldn’t help but wonder: “If your doormat has sentimental value, maybe it should be hanging on your wall instead of sitting on the ground?”

related: Wrath mat

extra credit: Sentimental value: clothing stories from eBay

Writes an anonymous submitter in Houston: “A neighbor in my building put up an Obama yard sign on the door of her apartment around the time of the Texas primary. When it disappeared, I assumed she took it down herself.”

Then up went this note — a cheerful bit of propaganda that oh-so-subtly disproves all those ugly stereotypes about “self-righteous Obama supporters” with a colorful blaze of moralistic tsk-tsking and First-Amendment flag-waving. (Woo! Obama ’08!)

related: A little bit of shameless gloating

Sure, it’d be easier and quicker to just clean it up. But the modern passive-aggressive (like Katey in Berkeley’s ex-roommate) can’t pass up the opportunity to make a point.

A common variation on the Van der Rohe approach, as documented below by Sam in Dallas, is the so-called “Reverse Magritte.”

Meanwhile, post-modern passive-aggressives (like this New York office-worker below) can’t resist throwing some irony into the mix, intentional or not.

More recently, passive-aggressives have begun to show the influence of the burgeoning neo-pop movement. Our anonymous submitter in Houston, for example, designed the original stamp below for use in his work. “I am an engineer and we have to mark up technical drawings for manufacture,” he explains, in his artist’s statement. “It gets used at least twice a day.”

The bleeding-edge of passive-aggressive note-writing, however, lies on the west coast, where Rebecca in San Francisco says that in the past, “We’ve had an ongoing series of notes left in the office kitchen — usually of the ‘your mother doesn’t work here’ or ‘there is no such thing as the coffee fairy’ variety.” The Koons-inspired piece currently on display in the office breakroom, however, makes its point with no words at all.

related: Why-fi

While paying his old office a weekend visit, Jimsu from Katy, Texas didn’t catch the original note (or, perhaps, conversation) that precipitated this huffy screed from the mailman…

…but he did spot the follow-up from the office smartass.

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Alexa in Texas works in a graduate lab of five students. One Friday, she says, “our advisor came in around 9:30 a.m. looking for us. No dice: except for one poor guy, we were all out.” When the hard-working crew finally rolled in around 1:30 (or, um, 3 p.m.), they were greeted by this inspirational slogan pinned to the door.

related: Paul Newman, the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge

Sure, those luxury condos going up all over downtown Austin might look swanky, but our anonymous Austin submitter says her building offers plenty of exciting local color you won’t find in those glass-and-steel towers.

Perks include: 1) the building’s property manager, a character known for his impassioned screeds about everything from trash cans to expired vehicle registrations, and 2) a recurring sewage back-up that flows into the downstairs bathrooms of all the units. Rock ‘n’ roll, dude!

“The roto-rooter has said repeatedly that the backup is caused by roots growing into the sewer system,” our submitter says, but that explanation didn’t seem to satisfy her tireless PM. Now he’s offering tenants flexible lease arrangements, too!

related: A filthy hap pit