Entries Tagged as 'Texas'

Try not to bite the hand that the dog bites

May 12th, 2008 · 69 Comments

While paying his old office a weekend visit, Jimsu from Katy, Texas didn’t catch the original note (or, perhaps, conversation) that precipitated this huffy screed from the mailman…

Dear customer: You are absolutely correct. I should've been more considerate to your needs. Therefore if you do not have your mailbox key you will not receive any mail. Also this is not the mailbox. It is located around the corner. Any mail left on the ledge will remain there. Your mailman

…but he did spot the follow-up from the office smartass.

 Mailman - Please leave a cafe latte & some flowers with my mail. Thanx

related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled

Tags: "customer service" · excessive underlining · going postal · note wars · office · oh snap · Texas · you be the judge

Maybe if it was Hawaiian shirt day?

April 11th, 2008 · 52 Comments

Alexa in Texas works in a graduate lab of five students. One Friday, she says, “our advisor came in around 9:30 a.m. looking for us. No dice: except for one poor guy, we were all out.” When the hard-working crew finally rolled in around 1:30 (or, um, 3 p.m.), they were greeted by this inspirational slogan pinned to the door.

Friday: 'A great day to work'

related: Paul Newman, the Franz Ferdinand of the fridge

Tags: CAPS LOCK · college life · lab rats · now that's management · office · Texas

Just trying to “Keep Austin Weird”

April 8th, 2008 · 135 Comments

Sure, those luxury condos going up all over downtown Austin might look swanky, but our anonymous Austin submitter says her building offers plenty of exciting local color you won’t find in those glass-and-steel towers.

Perks include: 1) the building’s property manager, a character known for his impassioned screeds about everything from trash cans to expired vehicle registrations, and 2) a recurring sewage back-up that flows into the downstairs bathrooms of all the units. Rock ‘n’ roll, dude!

RE: Sewage back-up

“The roto-rooter has said repeatedly that the backup is caused by roots growing into the sewer system,” our submitter says, but that explanation didn’t seem to satisfy her tireless PM. Now he’s offering tenants flexible lease arrangements, too!

related: A filthy hap pit

Tags: all clogged up · Austin · CAPS LOCK · landlords and property managers · toilet

Welcome to SXSW, sucker

March 17th, 2008 · 123 Comments

While you were drunk-texting your latest Eugene Mirman sighting to all your pals, more industrious folk like Bryan from Minneapolis,  Betsy from L.A., and Adele from Montreal were documenting the comedic gold being served up by Austin bartenders.

There are NO fucking drink specials. Everything is special. Welcome to SXSW. Sucker. (This message sent via iPhone)

Sorry, we do not have Red Bull, Zima, Wine Coolers or Smirnoff Ice. Please don't even go there. P.S. No Shiner either.

"Cheers, Mate!" is not an acceptable tip in Texas

related: Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

Tags: Austin · bar · money · most popular notes of 2008 · tipping

Reporting not-exactly-live from SXSW

March 14th, 2008 · 87 Comments

Before I pass out, I bring you a few of my favorite more-aggressive-than-passive notes from the music clubs of Austin.

First, from Scoot Inn…

TO GAIN ENTRY OR "COME IN" YOU WILL NEED $2

More bouncer sass from (I think) Beerland…

From (I think) beerland

And lastly, from Emo’s

I don't know about you...but I sure as hell wouldn't want someone else's sweaty-ass, filthy grimey fingers in the clean ice I drink w/.  So keep the fuck out! Thanx

related: I used to be your biggest fan

Tags: Austin · ice · money

My boss, Vanna

February 18th, 2008 · 66 Comments

At Stanly’s office in Houston, the team has a whiteboard they update everyday with their accomplishments. Afer accidentally erasing his update, Stanly’s boss left him this message.

PLEASE UPDATE THE BOARD

Of course, Stanly had to return the gesture.

GOT 1 YESTERDAY SOMEONE ERASED IT!

related: the post-it wars

Tags: Houston · now that's management · office · rebuttals

Office anthropomorphism

December 29th, 2007 · 65 Comments

Many offices, it seems, are a regular Disneyland of what only appear to be inanimate objects. The evidence?

From Frank in San Francisco, a sentient sponge:

USE ME RINSE ME + help keep me from getting ICKY! Thank you, Sponge

From Amy in Annapolis, Maryland, a talking toilet:

DID YOU FLUSH ME AND WIPE OFF MY SEAT????

From Ben in San Antonio, Texas, a talking door:

I noticed I am not shut when people enter or exit. Please make sure I am shut upon exiting or entering. -The Door

And then there’s my favorite – from an anonymous submitter in Washington, D.C. – a talking (and walking) microwave:

If You Guys Don't Keep Me Clean I'm walking away from you If you don't Believe TRY M

(Most baffling…where on earth did that clip art come from?)

related: I guess that’s why

Tags: Annapolis · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · clip art catastrophe · confusion??? · D.C. · irregular capitalization · Maryland · microwave · opening/closing · San Antonio · San Francisco · Texas · toilet

The thought that counts

December 10th, 2007 · 101 Comments

Our anonymous submitter from Dallas works in the creative department of a large corporation that’s recently cut back on extras like holiday parties and cake and fruit. This Scrooge-like misanthropy seems to have taken a toll on staff morale — even among the determined breed of office “fun fund” leaders.

(Click to enlarge; transcription below!

passive-aggressive gift exchange

subject: Secret Santa

Since we have no more motherly types left (Denise, Andrea, etc.), I have been elected to be the cruise director this year.

We’re doing it from next Monday (the 10th) to next Friday (the 14th), since people will start going out of town the week after that.

We have a $20 max. You can spend it however you like. You can get your person a $4 gift every day, a big $20 gift on the last day, or however you want to break it up.

If you’ like to participate, please come sign up at my desk by tomorrow by noon. I will be drawing the names at lunch time. It’s not mandatory for everyone to play, but just do it. Don’t be a grinch!

If you don’t care what your Santa gets you that is fine, but if you do, please post a “Secret Santa Wish List” on your cube, so that they will have an idea what you like, and can go shopping this weekend.

Also, don’t give people used stuff (the person who gave me the half burned candle two years ago knows who they are!).

related: If you can afford $10 worth of flair…

Tags: actions speak louder · Dallas/Fort Worth · holiday spirit · office · party planning committee

Holy matrimony

December 4th, 2007 · 105 Comments

Karolina in Dallas says she typically tries to wait her husband out in situations like this one, but she almost always ends up caving — “particularly when mold is involved.”

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related: 10 people, 1 kitchen

Tags: Dallas/Fort Worth · dishes · mold · sig o

Living with an adolescent (abridged)

November 14th, 2007 · 216 Comments

Carlina in Texas is close with her parents, but she’s been having a bit of a rough time lately. Apparently Carlina’s mother has grown tired of her daughter’s apathy/hostility/general malaise, and slipped this classic mom note under her door.

Hey Sweetie Pie, Let's go out to dinner tomorrow. We miss you! We don't have to...if i's too much trouble. No, nevermind. Mom

If that note didn’t remind you of your own mom, perhaps you can relate to this one from Alexandra (or rather, her friend) which displays a more familiar variety of maternal guilt trip. it’s like your teenage years condensed into note form!

Clean this room. Life doesn't come without responsibility!

P.S. Carlina says she definitely plans to take her mom up on the dinner.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: cleaning · family · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · signed with love · Texas