Well, now that dog shaming is officially a thing…

…it was really only a matter of time before we moved onto the shaming of non-sentient beings.

related: Nutranot-so-sweet

Spotted by Tiffany in San Antonio, Texas…

(Not passive-aggressive, just too amusing not to share.)

The not-quite-so-amusing explanation, courtesy of commenter NativeoSanantonio: This is at the Aztec Theater in downtown San Antonio. It’s a live music venue that has a classic country music show. Fans would throw tortillas on stage as a show of appreciation. It was cute at first but quickly got out of control. The performers asked for the “No Tortilla” rule.

related: Professionally done “by Asians”

“I guess I’m a bad parker,” says Renee in San Antonio — but really, how bad does a parking job have to be to inspire this kind of blind rage? Especially when the scene of the crime is the parking lot outside a big box store like Best Buy, not some precious residential block.

P.S. If you’re thinking “PMS bad,” next time I escape from the kitchen, I might have to give you a barefoot kick to the crotch.

related: When parking gets political

I recently returned from a few days in San Antonio, Texas, where my friend Matt and I amused ourselves on the Riverwalk with a competition to find the tackiest souvenir possible in each store within three minutes or less. (My first win: a “pooping armadillo” keychain.) When we entered this fine establishment, however, I had to call a time-out.

I didn’t even get a chance to take photos of all the signs at this one store — including some amazing ones taped to the register — before I started getting the stink-eye from the manager. (I generally try to stay out of trouble in states that allow their teachers to come to class armed.) I’m telling you, Alamo, Schmalamo: this store was the highlight of my trip.

related: Tourist traps have the best signs

Many offices, it seems, are a regular Disneyland of what only appear to be inanimate objects. The evidence?

From Frank in San Francisco, a sentient sponge:

From Amy in Annapolis, Maryland, a talking toilet:

From Ben in San Antonio, Texas, a talking door:

And then there’s my favorite – from an anonymous submitter in Washington, D.C. – a talking (and walking) microwave:

(Most baffling…where on earth did that clip art come from?)

related: I guess that’s why