Explains Melissa in Virginia: “As many couples probably do, my fiancé and I have had an ongoing discussion about his propensity to leave cabinet doors and drawers open.” Melissa insists she’s not aggravated by the open cabinets — she just feels the need to bring the issue to his attention.

Then, last week, Melissa was thrilled to receive a beautiful flower arrangement at her office. “Then I opened the damn card!”

related: Really, though — carnations?

Ann was leaving her niece’s First Communion at a Catholic Church in Vienna, Virginia when she noticed this sign. The icing on the post-mass doughnut, she says, was when the priest concluded his closing prayer with “And kids, don’t forget to remind your parents that mass doesn’t end until after the closing song.”

related: The PANtheistic approach

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

“I have no traces of child paraphernalia in my Mini Cooper,” says our submitter from Alexandria, Virginia — and she didn’t buy her car for environmental reasons. (“I bought it because I’m a Mini fan,” she says, “regardless of the global impact.”) So, as you might imagine, she was more than a bit puzzled to find this note under her wiper blade.

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

Erin in Arlington, Virginia says this sign appeared in every elevator in her building during the D.C. area’s Snowmaggedon of 2010. “Apparently cabin fever requires drinks…and only people in their 20s and early 30s.”

related: no girls allowed

“There are several common rooms in my dormitory at Indiana University, and most of them have pianos available for the students to play,” writes Jain in Bloomington.

“While I can empathize with this anonymous student’s frustration, possibly after hearing the third or fourth broken attempt at ‘Chopsticks’ in a single day, I’ve personally found the exit to be a more successful coping strategy than leaving bitchy notes on a baby grand. But hey, different strokes…”

Meanwhile, Dan spotted a supermarket in Sterling, Virginia that took the above note-writer’s sentiment just a half-step further.

related:  I used to be your biggest fan

extra credit: pearls before breakfast [washingtonpost.com]

I really thought it couldn’t get more egregious than this clip-art catastrophe from a church in Boston (left), which made this one (right) look downright tasteful in comparison.

But then, at a friend’s recent wedding, Carey in Northern Virginia spotted this note — complete with that same punchy little yellow smiley — on several doors of the church. (There are more than one, I suppose, so that when you do a double-take and ask yourself “Wait…did they really just go there?” you can rest assured that yes, they really did.)

The kicker? Before the service started, Carey says, “We spotted the priest up near the altar — chatting on his Razr.”

Meanwhile in guatemala, Boingboing‘s Xeni Jardin spotted a sign one might consider either more or less blasphemous depending on whether you’re a follower of Christ or of the principles of good design

(translation: “TO TALK WITH GOD/YOU DON’T NEED A CELLPHONE/TURN IT OFF PLEASE”)

And if you’re of a faith that prefers to talk directly to God’s intermediaries, you might prefer the approach of this Guatemalan church also documented by Xeni:

“Talk to me personally,
I [will] listen to you.
You do not need a cellphone.
Yours truly,
GOD.”

related: Stop! In the name of clip art

extra credit: Crummy church signs