Entries Tagged as 'Washington state'

Fight or flight

July 28th, 2008 · 196 Comments

In terms of the appropriate sympathetic nervous system response, an e-mail subject line like “big favor” is kinda the modern cubicle-dweller’s equivalent of “Saber-tooth tiger outside cave!”

To the South side of the office, If you are wearing a perfume or cologne or whatever it is - I had to run to the bathroom to vomit - I will tremendously Appreciate if you minimize wearing it. Thank you so much.  I was going to ask you since last week but I cannot stand it anymore. Thank you.

(Note: this e-mail, our Seattle-area submitter says, is from the very same person who brought us this.)

related: Perhaps it’s time for a little group therapy?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · irregular capitalization · odor · office · oh no you didn't · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · vomit

I do, however, have a very charming coat rack

July 17th, 2008 · 151 Comments

Christoph found this polite and friendly note on the door of his apartment in San Francisco. a reasonable enough request, to be sure, except for the fact that — despite his neighbor’s claimed omniscience — “I don’t own any exercise equipment.”

Admits Christoph: “The sound in question was likely a swivel chair…and my habit of rolling back and forth on it at 2 a.m.”

Dear Neighbor, A Polite and friendly note to let you know — I really do know every time you use the stair climber or exercise equipment that's in your bedroom area. Could you put some more carpet under the machine or something to make it quieter on the floor? I can hear everything you do in the bedroom area — the walls and floors in our apartments are very thin! Everything you say and do like walking around — I hear. I don't want to stop your exercise routine — but using the machine at 2am in the morning wakens me and your other neighbors. Thanks for helping

Meanwhile, Kate spotted this lonely stair-climber in the front yard of a nearby house in Snohomish, Washington. “It made me wonder whose stairmaster it really was,” Kate says, “and who wrote the note.” (A newly self-aware infomercial enthusiast? A bitter spouse?)

I'M FAT & LAZY! YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE! FREE!

Alas, Kate says, “We may never know. The underused piece of exercise equipment was gone by morning.”

related: If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today
extra credit: The hawaii chair [youtube.com]

Tags: a little patronizing · hey fatty · irregular capitalization · neighbors · noise · San Francisco · Washington state

The parking class

May 22nd, 2008 · 70 Comments

This lovely little exchange from Seattle comes to us via the ever-brilliant Dan Savage at The Stranger. It reads a bit like a “SAHM vs. WOHM” face-off on Urbanbaby, with blessedly fewer acronyms.

pic550

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(More backstory and larger versions of the photos over at the slog.)

related: There’s Hertz…and there’s “not exactly”

Tags: neighbors · oh snap · parking · Seattle

“Swiffer gives cleaning a whole new meaning”

May 21st, 2008 · 111 Comments

Writes Bibs in Tacoma, Washington: “My sophomore year in college, I was placed in a campus house with six other girls I didn’t know.  To say the least, we did not really get along, but we made a chore chart so we would all at least have a semi-clean house to live in.” At least, that was the idea.

Things broke down when one of the housemates, Cindy, was confronted with the reality of seven girls sharing one bathroom. After this little display, Bibs says, the chore wheel pretty much went to hell.

swiffer gives cleaning a whole new meaning

related: Landmine in my bloodline

Tags: cleaning · college life · excessive underlining · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · inappropriate word EMPHASIS · not cool · roommates · spelling and grammar police · Tacoma · to/too · visual aids

The more you know

May 15th, 2008 · 172 Comments

This public service announcement is brought to us by Tully’s Coffee, courtesy of Megan in Seattle.

Point of interest: The barista who cleans this restroom also makes your coffee. Their mood determines the quality of your coffee. Thanks! P.S. Please don't do drugs in here.

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there’d be no books”

Tags: "customer service" · bathroom · cranky barista · drugs · high on highlighter · p.s. · Seattle · spelling and grammar police

it’s not, like, rocket science

October 25th, 2007 · 124 Comments

aarwenn from seattle found this note in her office’s cafeteria, which she says is a hot spot for bad writers with passive-aggressive issues. “of course,” she says, “here at Large Aerospace Company, a lot of us have ‘issues.’”

Tags: fun with euphemism · garbage · just wondering · office · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks"

Just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm…

September 26th, 2007 · 94 Comments

Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.

If you are going to drink my muscle milk, why dont you go ahead and drink all, there is no point to drink part of it and leave behind about 1/3 of the bottle...  IN OTHER WORDS...DON'T DRINK IT!, BUT I WILL FIND OUT WHO DRINK IT WHEN I SEE YOU ACTING STRANGE...read the content before u become steril.....thanks.

What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”

related: Try a bite

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler

September 19th, 2007 · 265 Comments

Attention: corporate emergency in the Chicagoland area!

but then they switched from the swingline to the boston stapler

Meanwhile, in Seattle…

thank you so much for your collaborations

Adds our anonymous submitter, “All the glassware for all departments is washed by the poor lab slaves at least twice a day, and then promptly returned to the shelves. How much glassware are they using that they notice if a beaker or two went missing?”

Tags: a little uptight · and that's an order · Chicago · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · office · office supplies · Seattle · spelling and grammar police

We don’t want your ugly placemats

August 24th, 2007 · 98 Comments

Damien in Seattle saw this at the local Salvation Army thrift store.

Says Damien, “The kicker on this one isn’t as much what’s said as what ISN’T said. This note clearly had a lot more to it that was — probably by a clearer head — snipped off.”

"Please don't leave donations when we ask you not to"

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Seattle · thanks but no thanks

Extremely loud and incredibly close quarters

August 6th, 2007 · 70 Comments

Amy in Seattle says her favorite part of the note is the children (Please, think of the children!) but I was most impressed by the use of both “being effected” and “being impacted” in a single sentence. Those loud, “vulgar-related” noises might, in fact, be the sound of English teachers around the world crying out in agony.

Vulgar related?

Then there’s this one, from William over at lowercase l. It was slipped into his mailbox in Brooklyn by a neighbor several years (and girlfriends) ago. considering the awkwardness of the situation, I find it’s actually quite civil. It’s interesting, though, how people feel the need to give elaborate, vaguely scientific justifications (the acoustical properties of the windows, REM sleep) for why they don’t want to hear you getting it on.

Tags: Brooklyn · neighbors · Seattle · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police