PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » vending machine drama http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 This vending machine ruined my life! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/18/no-sugar-no-future/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/18/no-sugar-no-future/#comments Fri, 18 Nov 2011 23:35:39 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=19937 Ah, first world problems.

The coffee vending machine gives coffee options in the order

(Spotted by Kim in Manchester, U.K.)

related: My query on the egg salad ban

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/11/18/no-sugar-no-future/feed/ 94 The Twix Conspiracy http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/24/the-twix-conspiracy/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/24/the-twix-conspiracy/#comments Tue, 25 May 2010 00:44:03 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14590 According to reports we’re receiving here at PAN headquarters, it appears that proletarians with a predilection for the chocolate-cookie-caramel confection known as Twix are battling Soviet-like conditions in order to procure their precious candy bars. 

In some areas, workers are forced to pay a hefty premium (unlike the bosses and bigwigs upstairs). 

Twix is only $1.00 at the third floor. Are we being unfairly taxed?

Even then, what remains for the masses is likely to be rejected, bottom-of-the-carton stock.

This vending machine RUINED my day! Melting and nasty! Ye be warned.

And in the hardest hit areas, shortages have led hungry Twix lovers to beg for mercy from The Man himself. 

Dear Candyman, More chocolate + less granola bars - no one likes those anyhow! Thanks, Twix Lover

(Thanks to informants Sean in Philadelphia, Rachel in Salt Lake City, and Mark in Buffalo.)

related: Comrades, take notice!

extra credit: Twix bars unfairly taxed in Colorado? [WSJ.com]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/24/the-twix-conspiracy/feed/ 84 Nutranot-so-sweet http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/07/27/nutranot-so-sweet/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/07/27/nutranot-so-sweet/#comments Tue, 28 Jul 2009 02:23:00 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=11246 Writes Emily in Austin: “In the notewriter’s defense, this machine has also given me regular Coke when I have pressed ‘Coke Zero’ on many an occasion,  so when I saw this note, I thought I had figured it out. If I wanted Coke Zero, I just had to push the button for regular Coke. (I did…and it gave me regular Coke. Bitch!”) Meanwhile, on top of the machine was a can of Diet Coke and a can of Coke Zero with a note saying: ‘NOT Coke!’ After I took the picture, of course I took that Coke Zero and drank it.”

To: Coke Machine Person

Diet Coke just can’t get no love…certainly not in Williamsburg, Virginia, as Grace from D.C. discovered.

Repent, Coke Guy, Repent!

related: the real thing

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/07/27/nutranot-so-sweet/feed/ 196 The Candyman Can’t http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/03/13/the-candyman-cant/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/03/13/the-candyman-cant/#comments Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:19:26 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=10584 “One morning last summer,” writes Stephanie in Illinois, “my brother and I arrived at the company where we worked to find these notes posted to the candy vending machine. (Mind you, it was 8:45 a.m.) Apparently, the man who fills the vending machines — a.k.a ‘Mr. Candyman’ — had failed to restock the machine for a week, and the ladies of the office had had enough.”

I mean, really. we’re talking about a serious breach of the social contract here, people!

A [sic] Empty Machine is Unaceptable [sic]! Mr. Candyman, you did not keep your WORD! This machine has been empty since Tues last week.

Stephanie and I were both particularly tickled by the the “gas prices” note at top right. (“What does that even mean?” she wonders.)

Gas prices are high but that doesn't do much when our stomach starts to growl!! Hungry!!

Meanwhile, Lisa in Nashville spotted this note posted on the vending machine in the studio arts building at Vanderbilt University. “There had been many previous notes asking (nicely) for more Twizzlers,” Lisa says, but as desperation set in, at least one distraught staff member decided to get lyrical on Candyman’s ass.

Candyman, oh candyman...,Where have you gone? The twizzler slot is empty. Oh yes, we have none. What burden we bear, what sadness we hold, for we thought twizzlers we soon would behold.

related: The Pepsi Challenge

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/03/13/the-candyman-cant/feed/ 155 The real thing http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/02/26/the-real-thing/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/02/26/the-real-thing/#comments Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:54:12 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=10493 Our submitter is Santa Fe says not everyone at the New Mexico Department of Health was happy when the folks in charge decided to call their own bullshit and replace the candy and sodas in the vending machine with new “healthy” snacks.

(There is still a “junk food” vending machine in the building just one flight up, our submitter notes, but dammit if the boss man is gonna force full-grown adults to exercise!)

ENOUGH WITH THE FRUIT JUICES & DIET SODAS! I AM A FULL GROWN ADULT! I ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY CHOICES! I WANT A REAL COKE!

related: Blame it on Coke

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/02/26/the-real-thing/feed/ 97 Venting machine http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/02/10/venting-machine/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/02/10/venting-machine/#comments Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:43:10 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=10411 If you’ve ever bought Twizzlers from a vending machine, you probably know that there’s a good one-in-three chance that one tiny corner of the plastic packaging is gonna get stuck — and bang on the glass all you want — only yielding after an extra 75 cents is inserted. Some folks, however, aren’t willing to condone that kind of stubbornness in their packaged sweets.

DO NOT BUY THE LICORICE IT DOES NOT WORK. The licorice doesn't work? No, it doesn't. It just lays around on it's mothers couch all day watching Judge Judy and collecting unemployment. (smart ass!)

related: Who’s the smartass?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/02/10/venting-machine/feed/ 92 The womb that would birth a thousand excuses http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/07/08/the-womb-that-would-birth-a-thousand-excuses/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/07/08/the-womb-that-would-birth-a-thousand-excuses/#comments Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:17:20 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=9292 The most irritating part of finding this note propped on her keyboard, says Jackie in Philly, is that she wasn’t the person who requested dark chocolate in the office vending machine. “In fact, I can’t stand the stuff!” (In that case…hello, baby shower gift?)

Hi Jackie, Since you requested the dark chocolate, please eat it. The pregnant person needs chocolate & your bars are taking up valuable space for GOOD TASTING chocolate. :)

related: Bun — er, — pizza in the oven

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/07/08/the-womb-that-would-birth-a-thousand-excuses/feed/ 214 The Pepsi Challenge http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/05/18/the-pepsi-challenge/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/05/18/the-pepsi-challenge/#comments Sun, 18 May 2008 20:09:39 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=657 Kasey in Tucson spotted this orgy of vending-machine notes in the Anthropology department of the University of Arizona. Says Kasey, “They just keep adding up. I think the Pepsi man is either amused by them or just doesn’t care.” Perhaps…or maybe he’s just hanging back until he has enough material for his dissertation on non-verbal communication among 21st century north americans.

the pepsi challenge

the pepsi challenge

the pepsi challenge

the pepsi challenge

related: Blame it on Coke
extra credit: “look up lithotripsy” [wikipedia]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/05/18/the-pepsi-challenge/feed/ 130 Blame it on Coke http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/12/06/blame-it-on-coke/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/12/06/blame-it-on-coke/#comments Fri, 07 Dec 2007 01:57:08 +0000 kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/12/06/blame-it-on-coke/ Casey from Shreveport, Louisiana spotted this on the Coke machine in the office break room. she clarifies: “Henry G.’s comment is in reference to the increase in price, not Katie’s wanting more Coke Zero.”

Due to the rising cost of soft drinks, the price of drinks has gone up to $1.25. We are sorry for the inconvenience this may cause. (! want COKE ZERO back! I'll buy more, I promise.)

Meanwhile, Breanna in L.A. saw this somewhat amusing notice in a liquor store on the corner of Hollywood and Wine. (“Did someone pee on it?” she wonders.)

Sorry for the incontinent, Coke Company has neglected to repair the cooler.

related: I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade?

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/12/06/blame-it-on-coke/feed/ 158 I’d like to buy the world a…Gatorade? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/17/id-like-to-buy-the-world-agatorade/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/17/id-like-to-buy-the-world-agatorade/#comments Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:45:29 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/17/id-like-to-buy-the-world-agatorade/ Keith spotted this note in the employee break room of a clothing store outside of Hartford, Conn.

The kicker? According to the employees, says Keith, “After the note was posted, the guy spitefully mixed the selection buttons up even worse.”

Dear Vending Machine Person. Please make sure that your are changing the selection tabs when you update the drinks. Gatorade (although delicious) is not Iced Tea, and Fanta is not Iced Tea, neither is Coke. Thanks for your cooperation.

(Altogether now: “that Gatorade is…”)

related: fucking delicious

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