Entries Tagged as 'visual aids'

To the person who sawed me in half last night

April 26th, 2011 · 40 Comments

Writes Kris from Texas: “As much as I despise the writing-a-note-from-the-POV-of-an-inanimate-object technique so familiar from my years in college, I have to feel this bike owner’s pain. I also really love the blood-gushing-from-the bike drawing.”

Dear, the person who sawed me in half last night, that was an extremely rude, selfish & wasteful thing to do. Not to mention nonsensical! I had big plans today, but they are impossible to persue [sic] while I am cut in two! In the future, please treat the world the way you would like to be treated! In pain, Bicycle

related: With a chainsaw?

Tags: anthropomorphism · bicycle · San Francisco · visual aids

What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

September 30th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Well…lots of stuff.

You! Yeah you! Listen, you know what’s really difficult? Lots of stuff. For example:  • Running a marathon • Faking your own death • Trekking across the arctic tundra • Wrestling grizzly bears • Living to be 118 years old • Building a rocket ship • Flying a rocket ship • Breaking out of jail • Swallowing 10 light bulbs • Sharpening 3 pencils simultaneously  Most people wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t accomplish these tasks. They’re hard.  You know what’s not very difficult?  • Replacing the toilet paper roll  All you gotta do is look in that cupboard to your right. There’s a whole bunch of new rolls in there. If not, there’s more in the storage room by the kitchen.  If you’re having trouble with the dispenser, fear not. It’s actually a pretty simple feat to master. All you have to do is grip onto the cylinder and pull on it in a direction parallel to the wall. You’ll notice that due to the spring mechanism inside the cylinder, there is now a space in which the cylinder can be removed, thereby freeing it from the wall-mounted assembly. Now simply slide a new roll of toilet paper onto the cylinder and reverse the cylinder-removal process so that it is securely fastened to the wall assembly. The new roll should be able to spin freely on the cylinder, ready for the next person to use.

And yet, somehow, the employees at this office in Edmonton still can’t quite make TP happen. (Maybe wrestling grizzlies is more their forte?)

You! Yeah you! Listen, you know what’s really difficult? Lots of stuff. For example:  • Running a marathon • Faking your own death • Trekking across the arctic tundra • Wrestling grizzly bears • Living to be 118 years old • Building a rocket ship • Flying a rocket ship • Breaking out of jail • Swallowing 10 light bulbs • Sharpening 3 pencils simultaneously  Most people wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t accomplish these tasks. They’re hard.  You know what’s not very difficult?  • Replacing the toilet paper roll  All you gotta do is look in that cupboard to your right. There’s a whole bunch of new rolls in there. If not, there’s more in the storage room by the kitchen.  If you’re having trouble with the dispenser, fear not. It’s actually a pretty simple feat to master. All you have to do is grip onto the cylinder and pull on it in a direction parallel to the wall. You’ll notice that due to the spring mechanism inside the cylinder, there is now a space in which the cylinder can be removed, thereby freeing it from the wall-mounted assembly. Now simply slide a new roll of toilet paper onto the cylinder and reverse the cylinder-removal process so that it is securely fastened to the wall assembly. The new roll should be able to spin freely on the cylinder, ready for the next person to use.

Perhaps a visual aid (like this one from a Los Angeles apartment share) would be helpful?

Changing the toilet paper roll: a visual guide

Or maybe just a bit more encouragement would push someone over the edge?

Very good! Every day, you get me a little closer to where I belong. Love, T.P.

(Probably not, though.)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: bathroom · Edmonton · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · signed with love · toilet paper · visual aids

Paging Jane Goodall?

September 7th, 2010 · 62 Comments

If you’re looking for an opportunity to study the unique social behavior of primates, there’s a compound in Orlando, Florida you might be interested in visiting.

Consider the package below, which a female named Misty (and no, that’s not a pseudonymous nod to Dian Fossey) recently found outside her dwelling, #14302, apparently left there by the group of lower-ranking females residing directly below.

Here's some candy. Don't be mad.

As you’ve observed, Dr. Goodall, dominant female chimpanzees have been known to deliberately kill the young of other females in the troop in order to maintain their dominance, so perhaps the preemptive Heath-bar offering accompanying the plea for quiet was an intelligent move on the part of these lesser-ranked females.

I’m sure you’ll agree, however, that further scientific study is necessary before any conclusions are drawn.

related: Please get yourself some slippers.

Tags: candy · neighbors · noise · Orlando · visual aids

Wigging out, daycare-style

April 20th, 2010 · 110 Comments

“My 1-year-old likes to play with hair when she’s sleepy,” writes Michelle in Columbia, South Carolina…a habit which apparently didn’t go over so well at day care with the fair-haired Ms. Linda. [Hahahaha RAGE BLACKOUT emoticon!!!!]

Look Mom and Dad. I pulled out Ms. Linda's hair. Now we have to buy her a wig. :-)

related: We talked about the “stabbing” incident yesterday.

Tags: Columbia · guilt trip · hair · kids · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't · South Carolina · visual aids

Biebermania claims another innocent victim

April 15th, 2010 · 126 Comments

“My grandmother has been telling my brother that his hair is too long for forever now,” our submitter in Texas writes, “and whenever she criticized his long hair, he’d tell her it was ‘in style.’”  Hello, loophole! Today Grandma left this clipping on the fridge for her grandson to find.

Seth-This was the boy's cut that is supposed to be the 'IN-CUT' now. Why don't you try it & surprise me while I'm gone!

(By the way, if you’ve managed to avoid contact with the tween set lately and had no idea that this Justin Bieber character is supposedly “the world’s biggest pop star” — you’re not alone.)

And Grandma, if Seth doesn’t take the hint, maybe you’ll have to try Star Magazine‘s trick?

related: The overly-friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the door for her that one time

extra credit: Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

The Justin Bieber Guide for Old People [gawker.com]

Justin Bieber’s “hair trick” [youtube]

Tags: a matter of taste · family · Grandma · hair · Texas · unsolicited feedback · visual aids

Is this chicken, what just hit me in the head, or is this fish?

March 12th, 2010 · 64 Comments

This week’s “WTF? Friday” contribution comes from Carey in Brooklyn, who spotted this warning taped to a telephone pole at a busy intersection in Long Island City, Queens. “I looked around carefully,” Carey says, “but there were no flying missiles to be seen.”

WARNING: Cans of tuna fish are being thrown out of windows on this corner. This is not a joke. Cans of tuna fish are being thrown out of windows on this corner. This is not a joke. A can of tuna fish was launched at a friend and I as we stood on the corner of 47th Avenue and 11th Street. Be careful you don't get hit in the head by one of these mysteriously flying cans! The culprit is a little coward, so keep your eyes open.

related: Passive-allergic

Tags: New York · Queens · visual aids · warning · WTF?

Five approaches to T.P. maintenance

March 3rd, 2009 · 137 Comments

You could start with a basic visual aid…

Can you wipe with this? I can't. So please change out empty rolls!! They are behind you.

Or perhaps appeal to your readers’ sense of patriotism…

IF YOU DON'T REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER ROLLS THE TERRORISTS WIN. DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

…or go with a not-so-veiled threat.

If You Want To Keep Eating You Better Replace The Toilet Paper

Of course, you could just let your ass do the talking.

Brian, You make me sad. xo, Jen's Bum

But remember to cite your sources.

For clear, easy to understand directions on How to change the Fucking toilet paper TRY GOOGLE!

(Thanks to Ryan in West Palm Beach, Heather in Delaware, Julie in Marysville, Brian in British Columbia and bluepaintred in Canada for their advice on this matter.)

related: Four approaches to ice cube maintenance

Tags: bathroom · misplaced patriotism · not-so-veiled threats · toilet paper · visual aids

Sausage-shaped, but lumpy

January 20th, 2009 · 131 Comments

Tom took notice of this “open letter” — a thoughtful missive that clearly merits our collective attention — on a telephone pole in San Francisco.

If we’re really lucky, perhaps this Richard Asshat character will grace us with an open response in the comments, whiteblizzard70-style!

An open letter to the asshat who uses Osgood Place as their own personal shitting grounds

An open letter (close up)

an open letter (close up)

(Note: For your further enrichment, here’s a less faded graphic of the bristol stool scale.)

related: when ph.d.s get angry
extra credit: mcsweeney’s open letters

Tags: dogs · San Francisco · shit · visual aids

Hi kids, it’s your old pal, Fluffy!

December 20th, 2008 · 108 Comments

Once upon a time, our anonymous submitter informs us, a plucky young fellow who goes by the name “Fluffy Fox” found his way onto the walls of this underutilized Florida dorm shower. An avid personal hygiene enthusiast, Fluffy has always been all too willing to provide grime-infested student bodies with his full rundown of bathroom reminders.

How to: Shower

Did you remember to...

REMEMBER TO WIPE! Thanks, The Management

If passive-aggressive notes are good enough for prime time, surely there’s room for Fluffy’s bathroom antics in today’s lackluster Saturday morning cartoon lineup, no?

related: There are only 10 types of people in the world…

Tags: bathroom · college life · Florida · heart · hygiene · shower · toilet · visual aids

The pointed politics of spoon ownership

December 13th, 2008 · 63 Comments

The spoon may lack the aggressive physique of its more acute brethren, the knife and fork, but make no mistake: it is the passive-aggressive utensil of choice.

Why else would these spoons, spotted by Melissa at her office in Harlingen, Texas, be assuming a leadership position among this group of discontented silverware? We received word of this neglect on December 3, and can only speculate as to how furious the spoons were forced to become before getting the attention they deserve.

We the spoons, in order to form a more crusty union ...

This kind of spoon-related standoff is hardly an isolated occurence, however…as Garett witnessed with this bulletin board display of spoon-napping from the local community center.

Becky Wants her Spoon!

related post: the silverware segregationist

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · office · spoons · visual aids