Visiting her friend’s apartment for the first time, Kristin in New York City couldn’t help but notice that the entryway was completely covered with ALL CAPS notes from the building’s landlord. Among her favorites was this meta-monstrosity.

Says Kristin: “I love how his tone is over-the-top aggressive, but his actual threat isn’t that scary, given that, as far as I could tell, he’s the only one putting up signs.”

Another of Kristin’s favorites was this one, about water usage. “I’m not sure how overuse of water in New York impacts people in Haiti, but OK!”

related: Love, the Landlord

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

Kayla says this message was left in the dorm laundry room after a girl’s clothes disappeared.

(I can just see the snarky follow-ups now…”Awesome! Free goldfish!”)

related: To the asshole that stole all of my underwear…

“The Winston Salem Transit Authority posted this memo in their depressing, dingy, bus depot,” reports Bill in North Carolina. (The WSTA‘s new motto: “Kick ’em while they’re down!)

related: Your knees are pressing into my repressed rage

Roslyn in Houston found this note under her roommate’s windshield wiper just over a month after they both moved in. Puzzlingly, she says, “We do not own a rooster, nor have we ever seen or even heard one.”

(In that case, Roslyn, I’d tell your roommate’s boyfriend to pre-watch-out.)

related: Cock fight!

“Smooth move, Ferguson!” he said with a snort, his laughter echoing down the empty hallway. He started to walk on, then stopped short. That tuna-salad sandwich can wait, he thought. This was the English Department, after all — someone should be keeping up appearances! With that, the graduate student made an abrupt about-face, scurrying back to the tiny office he had just left to compose a suitable caps-locked rejoinder.

This, he could already tell, would be the highlight of his week.

Author’s note: The chair above was spotted by Ben in a hallway of the English Building (oh, the shame!) at the University of Cincinnati. Adds Ben: “I don’t know how you write a note with only a few words on it, all of them huge, and mess one up so badly.”

related: Childrens can learn!

Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.

Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.

Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.

related: Elevator nose grease

extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]

Sorry, I meant back door. I’m gonna slowly back away now, ma’am…

related: Dear lovely ladies