Our anonymous submitter in Rhode Island has the distinct privilege of working with a person “who writes policy like it’s a new religion.” On her orders, the IT department instituted a program that automatically locks down your computer after two minutes of activity, but apparently that wasn’t enough to satisfy this self-appointed office cop.

One day, after dashing over to pick up a document from the shared printer, our submitter returned to find this somewhat clumsy attempt at an object lesson. (From then on, our submitter vowed, she would never play so fast and loose with her computer’s font settings again.)

related: Paying through the spout

One Saturday, John was in the basement watching the end of a football game when his 8-year-old daughter came down to ask when they’d be leaving for the beach. Just another 20 minutes or so, he told her.

“Eventually, the game ended and we went out,” John says. “But when I went to bed that night, I found this note sitting on my pillow. The tragedy of it all, combined with the warning — and offset by the pretty border and the flower — really make for a lovely package.”

related: Mad, but not mad enough to forego a French braid

This week’s “WTF? Friday” contribution comes from Carey in Brooklyn, who spotted this warning taped to a telephone pole at a busy intersection in Long Island City, Queens. “I looked around carefully,” Carey says, “but there were no flying missiles to be seen.”

related: Passive-allergic

Writes our anonymous submitter from Kentucky: “I work at a gym. I was checking the women’s locker room to make sure it wasn’t a fetid stinkpit (it wasn’t) when I saw three of these lying on the counter. I went to throw them out and found a whole mess of them in the trash can, too.”

related: like a rotten sponge

(A Passiveaggressivenotes.com public disservice announcement)

1. From Portland, Oregon…

2. From Williamsburg, Virginia…

3. From Miami, Florida…

related: Come get some

extra credit: Herpes: it’s got New York by the balls [nymag.com]

With finals and thesis deadlines coming up, stress levels among grad students at UC-Berkeley have been running high (which means attention to the finer points of, say, apostrophe use, are running low). And now there’s a lunch thief on the loose!

Sadly, says our submitter, the note’s multi-pronged approach (guilt, threats, helpful advice) seems to have had no effect; the lunch thief remains at large. The next course of action? “We’re considering planting laxative-laced desserts.”

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Spotted by doppelfrog at London’s Paddington station…

related: Water, water everywhere

Our submitter found this glorious piece of work on the door to the common room at her Oxford University dorm. “The guy who left it was a 6’5 redheaded dude who wore cravats,” she says. “No one was gonna fuck with him.” (I don’t really understand the causality there, but I’m gonna let that one go.)

I will give Dustin this much, though: through the pain, he always tells the truth.

related: come get some

Margarita spotted this note in the window of a laundromat in San Francisco. Honestly, she says, “I’m more afraid of a vindictive, threatening neighbor than a laundry ‘theif.’”

related: No, that’s not the British spelling