Entries Tagged as 'office'

You may work here, but you’re not my mother.

April 14th, 2014 · 20 Comments

Pam works at an accounting firm in St. Louis, where, around tax time, it’s not unusual for people to pack all three meals. How did you think Joan’s vigilante food-safety policing went over?

Missing: Three All Beef Hot Dogs

related: A bitter butter battle

Tags: food · non-apology apology · office · St. Louis

The nicest possible way

April 8th, 2014 · 61 Comments

Really? This is the nicest possible phrasing you could come up with?

I am going to say this in the nicest possible way: Who is the stupid idiot that keeps putting cans of soda and bottles of water in the freezer? Stop doing this. I am tired of cleaning up the messes you make!

I mean, this guy even said please.

Do NOT put cans of soda in the freezer!!!! They explode and get all over people's food! Please do not put them in the freezer!

(Thanks to Ben in Dallas and Allie in Orlando for submitting.)

 

related: Ice Box-ing

Tags: beverages · Coke · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office fridge

Pity the fool

April 2nd, 2014 · 38 Comments

Writes our submitter in Santa Rosa, CA: “Our office is full of people who like to take the last of the coffee and not take the time to brew a new pot. And not just on April Fool’s Day.”

April Fool's Day was yesterday. If you finish a carafe of coffee, please make another one.

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Tags: coffee · office

Trouble is brewing

March 9th, 2014 · 101 Comments

Writes Patrick in Wisconsin: “A member of our office staff prefers a lighter blend, while the rest of us tech guys prefer a cup of coffee that will actually wake us up.”

After the original laminated note spurred this tempest in a coffee pot, Patrick says that Ms. “Three Scoops” upped the ante by bringing in a second coffeemaker for her own personal use. The notes, however, remain.

3 Scoops of grounds brews a great pot of coffee.  If you like coffee so weak that you can see through it. If you're looking for mud, please see Starbucks. :) Considering that Starbucks is one of the most successful businesses in history, they probably know a thing or two about making coffee.  Good Point, and to continue your example, even Starbucks has a blonde roast. They found that many customers demanded a lighter coffee, because they didn't want swampwater. :-P  Note it is called Blonde Blend!  Crafty people discovered a long time ago that you can turn coffee that is too strong into weaker coffee by simply adding water. However to turn (brown) water into something else, one needs the power of the almighty.

related: Coffee-brewing for engineers

Tags: a matter of taste · coffee · office · saga · Starbucks

How many cliches can we fit on one piece of paper?

February 27th, 2014 · 54 Comments

So, which jumble o’ jargon would you rip off the wall first?

Exhibit A?

PLAY hard & WORK hard. Make everything count!

or Exhibit B?

Your mother does not work here! If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat (and floor!)

Coincidentally, both of these notes come to us from Colorado, apparently the least creative state in the union.

Go ahead and post those speculative explanations regarding The Centennial State’s staggering dearth of originality in the comments below. Then we’ll circle back to brainstorm some synergistic solutions. (“The Centennial State?” Really? It’s like you’re not even trying, Colorado!)

related: The rhyme that must be flushed

Tags: Colorado · office · toilet · Your mother doesn't...

The sugar shelf of death

February 18th, 2014 · 139 Comments

“There’s a shelf in our office, where, every couple of days someone will contribute some sort of sugary/fatty treat,” writes Laura in Seattle. Luckily, one of her coworkers stepped up to enlighten everyone about the death trap they’ve created.”

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

 

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

related: Cupcakes are a gateway drug!

Tags: food · hey fatty · office cop · questionable logic · Seattle

When your coworkers are frat boys

February 7th, 2014 · 72 Comments

Our submitter says that his office in  Phoenix, Arizona has a charming little tradition, namely, “If you’re gone for a few days, your office gets trashed.” (I’m guessing something along these lines.)

It looks like this notewriter was hoping for a reprieve, under the circumstances. So, Sean, listen up!

Just remember I am attending my Grandmother's funeral should you consider decorating (trashing) my office or playing any other mean pranks.

related: If there were every a time to hold your red pen…

Tags: actually totally reasonable · office · Phoenix

Aaaand…jazz hands!

January 29th, 2014 · 106 Comments

Who knew? Just add water to your ramen, and you end up with…ramen.

RAMEN PARTY!

But leave it alone and you get…a hot ramen dance party!

ramen party

This just in: According to our Seattle submitter, two of his office mates have started fires trying to microwave dry ramen. (NO PARTY FOR YOU!)

related: Four horsemen…and a microwave

Tags: clip art catastrophe · microwave · office · Seattle · that's a fire hazard

404 error: water not found

January 12th, 2014 · 43 Comments

Aaron works at a web design and development company in Houston where he the water cooler is chronically empty. Writes Aaron: “Other notes have been written in the past, but this time I feel the javascript developers are being specifically targeted.”

404 error: water not found

related: But…changing the water cooler bottle is hard!

Tags: Houston · nerd alert · office · water

Bah humbug, bitches!

December 16th, 2013 · 47 Comments

Writes Eric: “My sister and her boss got a little tired of the constant banter outside their offices.”

NO CACKLE ZONE

(Note: This above sign is not to be confused with the “no cankle zone” delineated by a competing faction of office mean girls.)

related: The Office LOL Police

Tags: mean girls · noise · office · way harsh