Entries Tagged as 'office'

Citation: Copier Abuse

December 15th, 2014 · 21 Comments

Alice in Fresno says that since this sign went up, she’s made a point of greeting the copier every time she passes it. The coworker who wrote it was apparently tired of hearing people cursing out the (stupid!) machine when it screws up (all the damn time!).

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM TALKING TO, OR ABOUT, THE COPIER.

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

Tags: anthropomorphism · Fresno · office · the printer

So that’s what they mean by “makes mouths happy”

November 16th, 2014 · 32 Comments

Karen in Council Bluffs, Iowa spotted this unsigned note taped to the vending machine in the office breakroom. It sounds like somebody certainly got their 75 cents worth, no?

with regard to the twizzlers nibs...I opened the package and gnawed on the first three I put in my mouth and, as expected, they were chewy. But there was more. There was this strangle tingly sensation in my mouth that I have never quite encountered before. That wasn't so bad though as it was countered by the euphoric high with brilliant colors swirling about. Unfortunately, the comedown was bad.

related: Raging against the (vending) machine

Tags: candy · Iowa · office · vending machine drama

Candy rationing is now in place!

October 21st, 2014 · 40 Comments

Previously, our submitter says, bowls of candy sat in an area of the office most commonly populated by waiting customer and potential hires.

“Now, instead of candy, most of them get to see this note. It provides them with things to think about as they wait, such as: How many Jolly Ranchers, Starlight Mints, and other candies which are neither chocolate nor caramel may one take from each bowl?”

STOP and READ!  Attention Candy Lovers!  Due to the sudden interest in candy the FCA has asked me to start RESTRICTING the amount of candy we consume daily. Candy will only be available between 1:00pm-3:00pm Monday-Friday!  Only take one piece of caramel or chocolate candy from each bowl if necessary!  Thank you for your cooperation!

recently: More office candy bowl drama

Tags: candy · office · office cop

Last time I checked, my mother didn’t work here

October 7th, 2014 · 62 Comments

“My husband and I eloped in Maui last week because we thought it’d be more fun that way,” says Sarah in Seattle.At least one of her husband’s coworkers — apparently — took this as a snub. (But, you know, in a “Hahahahaha, JUST KIDDING!” clenched-teeth sort of way.)

Congrats to Paul!!! (Apparently)
related: Aaand…the honeymoon’s over.

Tags: love & marriage · office

Don’t leave a kitchen sucker punch

September 24th, 2014 · 29 Comments

Suzanne’s office in Chicago is filled with lots of so-called “creatives” — you know, the types who are too busy working on BIG IDEAS to deal with the banalities of, say, dirty dishes. Finally, someone decided it would take a real heavyweight to draw some attention to the problem.

Hi! I'm George Foreman.

related: Right/wrong justified

Tags: Chicago · kitchen · office

Let’s split!

August 19th, 2014 · 31 Comments

Up next, on Bananas with Low Self-Esteem

Up next, on Bananas with Low Self-Esteem...

 

And on the inside…

sad banana

Seriously, what are you waiting for?

Let's split!

 

(Thanks to Josh in Vancouver and John in NYC for submitting!)

related: Yes, we have no inflatable bananas

Tags: bananas · office

As Ed Hardy said, “Flushing kills slowly”

August 11th, 2014 · 67 Comments

Our submitter says this note was posted in a Princeton University restroom by his coworker, who had become “completely obsessed with finding out who didn’t flush the urinal after using it.” After posting the note, he began to discreetly check the urinal every time he saw someone leave the restroom.

“Eventually he identified the culprit, and that individual was appropriately shunned,” says our submitter. “At least he kept his oath to God!”

As Ed Hardy said, "Flushing kills slowly"

 

related: Were you raised by wolves? (a flowchart)

Tags: college life · New Jersey · office · reverse psychology · toilet

To the person who had corn for dinner last night

June 24th, 2014 · 47 Comments

Although John in Oklahoma City is used to the office bathroom being papered with commentary from his coworkers, he found the imagery of this note to be…especially vivid.

To the person who had corn for dinner last night; I only know you did because you left a big steaming bowl of it here for all to see. Next time, if you would be so kind, please flush the toilet. I know it is sad that I have to ask a grown man to do so, but apparently, I do,  You have been a breath of fresh air (no pun intended). Unfortunately you must have a lot of free time on your hands. The message is not getting to the right dumpers. They come from other floors to escape their own life! Or it is you and you have an alter ego!

related: A diarrhea only toilet?

Tags: office · Oklahoma · shit · toilet

Spoiled milk

June 18th, 2014 · 59 Comments

“Kitchen warfare has become somewhat of a spectator sport around here,” says our submitter, of his office in Vancouver. Perhaps a Vegan Support Group is in order?

Drinking Dairyland milk supports animal cruelty! Look it up.

related: Texts from Obnoxious Vegan Girl

Tags: milk · office

Rotten heel, steel toes

June 1st, 2014 · 75 Comments

One of Allison’s coworkers recently became convinced that one of the evening janitors had it in for her shoes — different shoes. On multiple occasions. “Needless to say,” Allison says, “she didn’t last much longer.”

Janitors don't ever put my shoes in the garbage. Your [sic] not nice.

 

I know who you are and you are evil to do this to my shoe and toss out the other one, you will be punished for this. You are disgusting creep O.K.. You will rot in hell.

Meanwhile, Kris in Alabama spotted this note on a locker at his place of business:

It's note nice to steel a Marine's boots. You can't hide.
related: Or I will CUT YOU

Tags: Edmonton · I know who you are · office · spelling and grammar police · you're like so going to hell · your/you're