Entries Tagged as 'office'

60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Cactus killer, qu’est-ce que c’est?

April 29th, 2012 · 76 Comments

She likes her humor like she likes her cactus: dry.

Dear Cactus Killer, Thank you for being so helpful as to water my cactus. No doubt you felt it was in desperate need of TLC, as I seldom seem to pay it any mind whatsoever. However, in being such a super helpy-helperton, you seem to have murdered it, and now I am sad. In the future, please kindly refrain from caring for any sort of plant or plant-like object on my desk. Sadly, a former owner of an awesome catcus [sic]

related: “Just feed me to the cat.”

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2012 · office · thanks (but not really)

George Clooney, breaker of hearts (and printers)

April 20th, 2012 · 35 Comments

“My favorite part,” says our anonymous submitter: “THE DAMNING EVIDENCE, RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!! Shame on you, you know who you are! Look how much trouble you caused! Enjoy bearing your shameful secret crush on George Clooney that breaks printers and wastes staff time!”

This print job jammed the copier. It took two staff 30 minutes to dissemble [sic] the fuser and remove the paper jam. Meanwhile [REDACTED] staff were frustrated that they were unable to print. As a reminder, [REDACTED] pays the [REDACTED] for every print, copy and fax made on the Pay Per Copy printers.

And on a related note…

PLEASE DO NOT PRINT LARGE JOBS

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

Tags: message to all intended for one · office · the printer

The Countertop Snot Rocketer

April 18th, 2012 · 35 Comments

Writes Brad in North Carolina: “This was in the bathroom at work, and I must have read it three or four times before admitting I didn’t have a clue what was happening.  The confusion could have been due to the grammar, the punctuation, or the notion that people blow their nose on the countertop (?!?).

Please Don't Blow your nose on Counter top here is tissue... Help your Self!!

Perhaps there’s a snot-rocketer on the loose?

Adds Brad: “In the day and a half since the note has been up, nobody has touched that roll of toilet paper.”

related: Hey, I was saving that for later!

Tags: bathroom · hygiene · North Carolina · nose-picking · office · toilet paper

Please excuse my cooties

April 15th, 2012 · 123 Comments

Shar is a receptionist — and self-described germaphobe — working at a financial corporation in Toronto. The coworker who covers for her during lunch was sick this week, Shar says, and must have noticed that “when I return, I take it upon myself to Purell the crap out of my mouse, keyboard, desk surface and even pens. (I cannot afford to get sick.)”

Hey I know I have a cold and all but can you at least wait until I leave the room before you start sanitizing your whole desk. Its kinda mean. Hope you had a good lunch.

Adds Shar: “In my defense…I did think she was gone.”

related: My secretary, Sybil

Tags: illness · office · Oops?

Alexander and the nasty, dirty, filthy, germy hands in the freezer

March 27th, 2012 · 63 Comments

“Apparently someone at my office thinks cracking the ice cube trays with your hands is a mortal sin,” writes Natalie in Washington, D.C. “My question: Would it really be better if we used other body parts?”

Honestly, when I first read the words “ice gobblers,” I thought this note was going in a different direction. Because not refilling the empty ice-cube tray? Now that’s a crime.

To the ICE GOBBLERS: This is not your home. It is very unsanitary for you to remove the ice container from the freezer and use your nasty, dirty, filthy, germy hand to get ice. You are very inconsiderate of others coming after you.

related: Four approaches to ice-cube maintenance

Tags: ice · office · that's unsanitary

The Hunger (Mind) Games

March 25th, 2012 · 85 Comments

…because if there’s one thing you can do to help the starving children of Africa, it’s to eat a cupcake. (Sigh.)

That said, nobody wants the damn thing after you’ve taken a bite out of it. Don’t try to assuage your guilt/food issues by telling yourself that someone else will eat it.

Who can't finish a mini cupcake?! There are starving children in Africa you know. Signed,  Someone who doesn't like to see dessert wasted. :(

related: The Nibbler — the plague of office breakrooms everywhere

extra credit: Charity Navigator’s top-rated charities providing aid to victims of famine and drought in Africa

Tags: Arizona · cake · guilt trip · office · sad face · Tucson

But it was so cute when the baby panda did it!

March 21st, 2012 · 37 Comments

One of the employees at Rebecca’s workplace in Toronto is unfortunately prone to surprise sneezing fits…much to the chagrin of a certain co-worker. After one too many gesundheits, this coworker apparently decided to go public with her message, posting this note where the sneezer  — god bless her — would be sure to see it.

(ALEX PLEASE DO NOT SNEEZE ON ME!) (COVER YOUR MOUTH!)

extra credit:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2QAGVMlns4

related: You’re not wrong, Walter…

Tags: CAPS LOCK · heartwarming compassion · hygiene · office · Toronto

Debbie downed ’er

March 4th, 2012 · 53 Comments

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed.

Not Debbie's

Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours

 

related: Especially Deborah

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · Hawaii · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

Very unfortunate, indeed.

February 22nd, 2012 · 55 Comments

Our submitter in Ohio came into work recently to find this disturbing notice on the door of the women’s restroom. Even more disturbing? This apparently wasn’t the first time this type of incident has occurred.

Our submitter says a group of coworkers spend all morning trying to figure out the logistics of how this shit went down. “The stall is really not that big,” she says, “and in order to miss the toilet, one would have to be standing, practically leaning on the wall, rotated 90 degrees from the usual use of a toilet…and then somehow not see what happened or subsequently decide not to clean it up.”

Very unfortunate, indeed.

Sadly, I think Drew of Toothpaste for Dinner has a point:

Hey, Guess What!!  If someone's shitting on the floor, they probably aren't going to stop if you shame them with a stall memo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: THE MAD BOMBER: Never Forget!

Tags: bathroom · bold-underlined-caps · Cleveland · office · shit · that's disgusting · WTF?