Entries Tagged as 'office'

The never-ending (and completely unnecessary) battle between basic hygiene and basic courtesy

August 15th, 2012 · 154 Comments

Yeah, I get that you don’t want to touch the germy bathroom door handle with your just-washed hands. But that makes tossing your paper towel on the floor okay…how? And this is hardly an isolated problem. To wit:

From Margi’s office in Green Bay, Wisconsin (just click the image to enlarge):

[1st note] To whomever keeps throwing your papertowel on the floor after you use it, please place in trash as that is the appropriate thing to do.  [2nd] People do this because it is NASTY to touch the filthy poop door-handle w/freshly washed hands (DUH!)...placing a trash can by the door is the appropriate thing to do! Poo hands spread disease!  [3] Considering the majority of the paper towel in the can comes from those who wash their hands, I doubt that the door is covered in Poo. Unless, of course there could be people who waddle out of the stall to wipe w/paper towel & put it in the can...I guess I see your point. Anything is possible.

From Edmonton, Alberta:

Oops, you dropped something... your paper towel. Yes, the paper towel receptacle is in the washroom. Please DO NOT drop paper towels between the doors. Not only is this unsightly, it is a safety hazard.

From Brittany’s office in Chicago:

Dear 5th Floor Germ-o-phobe, We know how much you hate touching the bathroom door handle with your bare hands. But guess what we hate? Picking up the used paper towels you drop on the floor EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Maybe you didn't notice, in your hurry to get back to your (not very) important job, but there is a trash can located next to the sink. You should check it out sometime. XOXO, Everyone else who picks up after you

From a hospital in Durham, North Carolina:

Dear PHOBIC INDIVIDUALS: If you have microphobia & need to use paper towels to extract yourself from the men's WC. Please put them in the trash bin & not on the floor. Otherwise, get yourself some serious help and stop polluting our environment. The Management

From Indianapolis:

Out of respect for those of us who use this bathroom everyday, please don't throw the used hand towel that you use to open the door with on the floor behind the door when you are leaving the bathroom. Take it with you and throw it away in a trashcan somewhere. Thanks, we all appreciate it. (Maybe there should be a trash can by the door - what a concept.)

And finally, from Eileen’s office in Cincinnati, Ohio…

Okay — We got the hint.  A trash can has been placed just outside the door for the paper towels you use to open this door. Please deposit there instead of leaving on the floor for someone else to have to pick up.

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except maybe those fancy Dyson ones)

 

Tags: bathroom · etiquette · garbage · hygiene · office · washing your hands

Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 Comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing

The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

Tags: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet

Missing: Red Gatorade. Answers to the name “Wally.”

August 6th, 2012 · 23 Comments

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.”

Instead, the notes left by the victims have turned into an ongoing office-wide joke.

DID YOU TAKE A RED GATORADE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Do the right thing and replace it...or else!

And the latest contribution…

Missing: Red Gatorade. Cold, Refreshing, Thirst Quenching. Last seen inside the breakroom fridge. Answers to the name Wally. Hopefully picked up by accident. If you know where my Gatorade is,

related: Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

Tags: beverages · note wars · office fridge · smartass · stealing

The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag  I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash  Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle  Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office

Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

Tags: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

We can put a man on the moon, but…

June 11th, 2012 · 33 Comments

This [plagiarized] note comes to us from a staff restroom at NASA’s Johnson Space Center. “This is just great,” says our submitter. “We can put a 7-degrees-of-freedom robotic arm in space that can build a space station, but we can’t get a ‘wall robot’ to work…or even send in a work order request to get it fixed.”

Thank you...motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, would you care to test out this motion sensor hand towel machine for yourself?

Aaaaand…there you have it.

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “Nice Work If You Can Get It” [This American Life]

Tags: bathroom · Houston · office · thanks (but not really)

Oh, and about that “cheese” in your Vegemite & Cheese sandwich…

June 6th, 2012 · 55 Comments

At Tazza’s office in Sydney, someone (not Harold, that much we know) was so offended by a coworker’s half-made cup of instant coffee that he or she felt obliged to leave this note.

This is NOT coffee! Why are you doing this to yourself? :-|

related: Rage Against the (Coffee) Machine

extra credit: Men Being Jerks to Their Wives about Coffee [youtube]

extra extra credit: Who Made That Kraft Single? [nytimes.com]

Tags: Australia · coffee · office · Sydney · unsolicited feedback

Or…how about no signs at all?

May 31st, 2012 · 37 Comments

Scoffs our submitter in Los Angeles: “Because as a healthy, functioning, adult, you really need to be reminded that you’re a good person for cleaning up after yourself.”

Can we put up any positive signs?

related: Three never-ending office arguments

Tags: Los Angeles · microwave · office · rebuttals

60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police