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Entries Tagged as 'office'

Uncle Sam wants you to keep calm and wash up

September 24th, 2012 · 15 Comments

I didn’t pay much attention to this bit of poetic propaganda until I noticed it was posted at an office in the United Kingdom. Is the awkward meter of the writing below Uncle Sam some kind a subtle comment on American imperialism, or just pure laziness? I suspect the latter, but I’d still be tempted to slap a “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster on top.

I WANT YOU TO WASH YOUR DISHES. The sink is too small to have dishes build up, It's really not complicated to wash a small cup, Your workmates aren't your servants, keepers or your mothers, Those who wash their own things needn't worry about the others.

related: The Vicar of Glibly

Tags: clip art catastrophe · dishes · office · pure poetry · U.K. · Your mother doesn't...

Which is more annoying?

September 20th, 2012 · 34 Comments

This bullshit, from an office in Baltimore?

Really! An empty pizza box left in the fridge? Really, you'd think the person who stole my pizza would have better manners and would throw away the box!

Or the unused-microwave-time version, from Claire’s office in Columbus, Ohio?

Really! You wouldn't eat 3 blueberries and throw the container away??

related post:

The Breakroom Nibbler

Tags: food · garbage · office fridge · pizza

Error: Command not found

September 17th, 2012 · 41 Comments

This heapsort arrived via an anonymous sender in Wellington, New Zealand. (Notice the menacing-looking knife at right…)

IT IS BECOMING WORSE & WORSE SO PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THIS OFFICE TIDY! THANKS...SERIOUSLY? PLEASE READ THE SIGN! I WAS JUST HERE 2 MIN AGO TAKING ALL THE DIRTY DISHES LEFT HER (WHICH I SHOULDN'T BE DOING....) AND COME BACK TO FIND THIS. I MEAN, YOU SAW ME DO IT!! Your request has been placed in a priority queue. In the meantime we have submitted it to www.passiveaggressivenotes.com where you you will be able to monitor its progress.

related: An ABP on the V8

Tags: confusion??? · New Zealand · office · smartass

Mug Shot

September 12th, 2012 · 56 Comments

I’ll start with the moral of the story first: “It just goes to show you that passive aggressive notes are funny but not effective.” That observation comes courtesy of Janell in San Francisco, who admits that she penned the following note after her third coffee mug went missing from the office kitchen.

Explains Janell: “While a lot of people commented on the note, my mug never appeared. After six months passed, my boss bought me an identical mug just so I would take the note down. A year later, one of my co-workers quit. We found the mug in his office.”

Have You Seen This Mug? My Starbucks blue and white San Francisco mug was last seen on Friday morning, Jan. 21st in the Creative Services kitchen drain rack. The mug loves maple brown sugar oatmeal and attending morning meetings.  If found, please wash and return to the Creative Services kitchen drain rack. Mug, if you can read this, I miss you! Please come home soon.

related: Justice, with a side of fries

extra credit: The Anti-Theft “Plug Mug”

Tags: anthropomorphism · kitchen · office · San Francisco · stealing

The never-ending (and completely unnecessary) battle between basic hygiene and basic courtesy

August 15th, 2012 · 154 Comments

Yeah, I get that you don’t want to touch the germy bathroom door handle with your just-washed hands. But that makes tossing your paper towel on the floor okay…how? And this is hardly an isolated problem. To wit:

From Margi’s office in Green Bay, Wisconsin (just click the image to enlarge):

[1st note] To whomever keeps throwing your papertowel on the floor after you use it, please place in trash as that is the appropriate thing to do.  [2nd] People do this because it is NASTY to touch the filthy poop door-handle w/freshly washed hands (DUH!)...placing a trash can by the door is the appropriate thing to do! Poo hands spread disease!  [3] Considering the majority of the paper towel in the can comes from those who wash their hands, I doubt that the door is covered in Poo. Unless, of course there could be people who waddle out of the stall to wipe w/paper towel & put it in the can...I guess I see your point. Anything is possible.

From Edmonton, Alberta:

Oops, you dropped something... your paper towel. Yes, the paper towel receptacle is in the washroom. Please DO NOT drop paper towels between the doors. Not only is this unsightly, it is a safety hazard.

From Brittany’s office in Chicago:

Dear 5th Floor Germ-o-phobe, We know how much you hate touching the bathroom door handle with your bare hands. But guess what we hate? Picking up the used paper towels you drop on the floor EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Maybe you didn't notice, in your hurry to get back to your (not very) important job, but there is a trash can located next to the sink. You should check it out sometime. XOXO, Everyone else who picks up after you

From a hospital in Durham, North Carolina:

Dear PHOBIC INDIVIDUALS: If you have microphobia & need to use paper towels to extract yourself from the men's WC. Please put them in the trash bin & not on the floor. Otherwise, get yourself some serious help and stop polluting our environment. The Management

From Indianapolis:

Out of respect for those of us who use this bathroom everyday, please don't throw the used hand towel that you use to open the door with on the floor behind the door when you are leaving the bathroom. Take it with you and throw it away in a trashcan somewhere. Thanks, we all appreciate it. (Maybe there should be a trash can by the door - what a concept.)

And finally, from Eileen’s office in Cincinnati, Ohio…

Okay — We got the hint.  A trash can has been placed just outside the door for the paper towels you use to open this door. Please deposit there instead of leaving on the floor for someone else to have to pick up.

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except maybe those fancy Dyson ones)

 

Tags: bathroom · etiquette · garbage · hygiene · office · washing your hands

Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 Comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing

The companion sport to Olympic race walking?

August 7th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Because dribbling isn’t such a useful skill outside of basketball…

The Olympics have started and we get to witness inspirational athletic accomplishments each day. Against this back drop, surely we as a team of professionals on the 14th floor can CONSISTENTLY HIT THE URINAL! It is not that hard folks. If for some reason you struggle (and clearly at least one us struggles every day), just sit down. This is disgusting and it is within our ability to keep the place clean.

Somehow I don’t think suggesting people sit down at the urinal is the answer, though.

Perhaps something a bit more Olympic in spirit?

related: Well, that seems (uri)logical enough

extra credit: Urinal Games [youtube.com]

Tags: office · piss · Pittsburgh · toilet

Missing: Red Gatorade. Answers to the name “Wally.”

August 6th, 2012 · 23 Comments

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.”

Instead, the notes left by the victims have turned into an ongoing office-wide joke.

DID YOU TAKE A RED GATORADE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Do the right thing and replace it...or else!

And the latest contribution…

Missing: Red Gatorade. Cold, Refreshing, Thirst Quenching. Last seen inside the breakroom fridge. Answers to the name Wally. Hopefully picked up by accident. If you know where my Gatorade is,

related: Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

Tags: beverages · note wars · office fridge · smartass · stealing

The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag  I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash  Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle  Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office

Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

Tags: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge