Entries Tagged as 'office'
Note: the following message has explicitly NOT been approved by Jack Donaghy. (Do not be fooled by that GE logo at the bottom of the page.)
Remarkably enough, our submitter, Dan in Milwaukee, says the following message was NOT penned by a satirical television writer, but rather by an anonymous member of the office Green Police. (The two pennies — payment for 2011′s extra energy usage — were then added later by an anonymous member of the office Bullshit Police.)
This is, of course, simply a new strategy in the ongoing war being waged in kitchenettes across the world by the United League of Office Workers Who Have Nothing Better to Complain About.
related: Some of have OCD and unused microwave time drives us crazy
Tags: dubious scientific claims · energy usage · microwave · Milwaukee · office · questionable logic · The Earth · Wisconsin · WTF?
“My fiance and I are getting married on our nine-year anniversary of being together,” writes our bride-to-be from Las Vegas, Nevada. Before leaving town for her wedding and honeymoon, the office threw a small party in her honor, and everyone signed a card full of blessings and good wishes. Everyone, that is, except for one particular executive, who added his unsigned note of support on the back in his distinctive handwriting. Touching, no?
related: A greeting card for my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin
Tags: heartwarming compassion · Las Vegas · love & marriage · Nevada · office
Writes our disgusted submitter: “All that time on the toilet to think, and this is what you came up with?”
related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?
Tags: all-staff e-mail · D.C. · illness · office · shit · that's disgusting · TMI
First off: I’m 100% in favor of breastfeeding. A designated pumping room at the office? Awesome! (And in fact, federally mandated.) Pictures of cute babies? Love those, too!
But you know — and let’s just play devil’s advocate here for a moment — I’m guessing some of the non-lactating folks you work with would be a bit more receptive to your message if you saved the guilt-tripping for your kiddos back home. Because, as the sign reads now, says one of your coworkers: “All it does is make me want to use THAT room for every phone call.”
related: Feel free to starve me, but not my baby!!!
Tags: guilt trip · New York · office · Won't somebody think of the children?
Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate.
(Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at Wal-Mart? Is someone filming a processed-foods version of Super Size Me? Or just stocking up for the End Times?) Whatever the reason, this person made very clear (via post-it note) that these frozen delights were not for general consumption, thanks.
Finally, after months had gone by with no obvious signs of attrition on the Banquet line, another coworker decided to add a defiant note of protest (which in turn spurred a third note, from the office smartass.) Sadly, the real question (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROZEN — WHY????) remains unanswered.
related: Please remove the rabbit carcasses from this freezer
Tags: Colorado · food · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing
Our submitter in Huntsville, Alabama says one of her male co-workers shared this note from the men’s restroom at their office. “And yes,” she says, “we really do work for NASA.”
By the way, if you’re traveling to Indonesia any time soon, you can pick up some papier-mâché materials of your very own!
related: Toilet-flushing memo from the Empire State Building
extra credit: Mary Roach explains “fecal decapitation” and other toilet issues astronauts encounter in space [thedailyshow.com]
Tags: Alabama · all clogged up · most popular notes of 2011 · office · toilet · toilet paper · you know who you are
Sorry, I meant back door. I’m gonna slowly back away now, ma’am…
related: Dear lovely ladies
Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · door-slamming · message to all intended for one · office · pointlessly self-censored profanity · shit · TMI · warning
At Joanne’s office in Lancashire, England, her team had a temporary agency administrator working on-site with them for a few days. Well, “working.” Joanne says her boss was well-aware of what this fellow was actually up to, but rather than report him through the official channels, decided to drop him a little hint instead. (No word about how the lucky employees seated next to him felt about that decision.)
related: The Jake Issues
Tags: actually totally reasonable · big brother-ish · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sex sex sex · smiley · U.K.