Entries Tagged as 'office'

Please change.

July 7th, 2011 · 55 Comments

Our submitter in Tucson, Arizona was a little perplexed by the sign hanging up in newly-assigned cubicle, but didn’t think much of it. When he finally got around to asking his bosses about it, they somewhat cryptically responded that the last person to work in that cubicle “had a problem with change.”

(It’s unclear who made the decision that a change of job was in order for that particular ex-employee.)

CHANGE is Good! We like CHANGE! CHANGE is our FRIEND!

Meanwhile, Bethany in Bakersfield, California still isn’t quite sure what to make of this note, which she found on her desk one morning at work. (“Did someone start to write a message and get distracted two words in?” Or am I living my life in such a way that they simply can’t handle it any longer?”)

Bethany, Please change

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

Tags: California · now that's management · office · Tucson

The wrong kind of sticky pad

July 5th, 2011 · 63 Comments

I get that you’re trying to make a point here, lady…but…really?

Please put the toilet seat back down if you use the ladies room...thx!

(And if you just had to go go there, you could have least written, “Always put the toilet back down.” Just sayin’.)

related: The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

Tags: battle of the sexes · California · office · thx · toilet

How now, Mad Cow?

June 29th, 2011 · 77 Comments

Our submitter in Tucson had just started a new position in the office of a hospital, and at the time — her budget already stretched thin — she only just one pair of dress shoes to wear with her meager set of work-appropriate clothing. Although she was happy to finally be able to pay her rent, you can imagine how much better she felt about her new job after finding this note dropped on her desk by an unknown coworker. (Because, really, who doesn’t appreciate being called a “thundering cow”?)

You may not be aware of how noisy you are when walking down the hallways with the stomping of your heels. Can you please walk quieter or get quieter shoes? It would make a better image if you walked gracefully and like not a thundering cow. Thanks for not being so distracting to patients and co-workers.   [Response] To Whomever wrote this note: Notes that use this manner of language are insulting and hurtful. Better decorum should be observed in a professional setting. You should ideally learn this, as well as learn how to approach people directly instead of leaving nasty notes on their cluttered desk. Thank you!

Adds our submitter: “Since I had no other way to address the author’s rudeness, I handwrote my response and tacked it up on the outer wall of my cube.”

related: Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

Tags: a little insensitive · noise · office · shoes

Death by a Thousand Puns

June 27th, 2011 · 39 Comments

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

Tags: Australia · cleaning · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · smartass · spoons

Can you hack it?

June 20th, 2011 · 99 Comments

Writes our submitter in Sydney, Australia: “There’s one guy in our office who comes from a cultural background where a good hearty cough/hack/spit is de rigueur, and he brings that little bit of culture to the office with him. I find it amusing, but apparently not everyone feels the same way.”

Please stop spitting and making loud deep throat noises in this bathroom. It makes me feel sick and is disturbing the work environment. Thank you for your understanding.

But wait, there’s more! Within a few hours of spotting the first note in the office men’s room, our submitter noticed a second one had joined it.

 Please stop making intolerant and culturally ignorant signs and posting them in this bathroom. It makes me feel sick and is disturbing the work environment. Thank you for your understanding.

Now if I only I could snap my fingers and get Mr. or Ms. Water-Cooler Wee-Wee transferred to this office…

related: What is up with the coughing?!

Tags: hygiene · message to all intended for one · noise · office · rebuttals · spitting

A spoonful of sugar might help this lesson in Newtonian physics go down

June 14th, 2011 · 47 Comments

This physics lesson was posted in the communal kitchen of Oxford University’s department of psychiatry.

“You would think that these people would be masters of communication,” our submitter says. “Evidently, not so much.”

A lesson in Newtonian Physics: If a spoon is washed in water, something it is very right and proper to be done, it still has residual water on it, unless dried.  If the spoon is placed on the draining board concave side up, gravitational force causes the water to sink into the concavity forming a puddle that is dependent on evaporation to remove it. If a male (it could only be a male) uses the bepuddled spoon to make himself coffee, water may get into the coffee tin and cause aggregation of the grounds which are hygyroscopic. This is given by these equations which are examples of a chaotic system (a Henon map) [equations] The solution to this problem is possibly too complex for members of this Department, but requires people to leave spoons convex side up.

In Australia, meanwhile, it seems they prefer not to beat around the bush* — at least when it comes to wet spoons.
DO NOT PUT WET DIRTY SPOONS IN SUGAR

related: The Ph.D’s approach to air conditioning units

*bad pun intended

Tags: a little patronizing · Australia · coffee · college life · note wars · office · spoons · U.K.

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

June 13th, 2011 · 90 Comments

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

Water Cooler Etiquette

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: a little uptight · clip art catastrophe · etiquette · noise · office · piss · water

It’s a toilet, not your your asstray

May 24th, 2011 · 53 Comments

I don’t really want to know what “cigarette ashes” is supposed to mean in this context…

TO THE GENTLEMAN WHO LEAVES 'CIGARETTE ASHES' ON THE TOILET SEAT - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TREAT YOUR CONDITION, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURTESY TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF, RATHER THAN LEAVING IT TO OTHERS TO RISK CONTRACTING GOD-KNOWS-WHAT WHEN THEY HAVE TO CLEAN UP FOR YOUR DETRITUS.

…but hey, look what I found on the Internets!

related: Your “Brown Friends”

Tags: Berkeley · bold-underlined-caps · hygiene · office · toilet

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

May 13th, 2011 · 80 Comments

This isn’t the first “coffee-maker etiquette” flowchart I’ve seen, but it is the most aesthetically pleasing.

Says Sarah in St. Louis: “The IT department in our office is notorious for drinking the last of the coffee without making more.” (Note the subtle “I heart C++” mug.) Apparently, one of her co-workers thought breaking things down into engineer-speak might help.

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

Meanwhile, in Toledo, Ohio…a variation tailored to a slightly different audience:

What would Jesus do...if there were only this much coffee left in the pot? *He would brew more!

related: Passive-aggressive flowcharts

Tags: coffee · etiquette · flow chart · Jesus · most popular notes of 2011 · office · St. Louis · Toledo · visual aids

Please clear your unused microwave time: now with more questionable statistics!

May 9th, 2011 · 84 Comments

Note: the following message has explicitly NOT been approved by Jack Donaghy. (Do not be fooled by that GE logo at the bottom of the page.)

Remarkably enough, our submitter, Dan in Milwaukee, says the following message was NOT penned by a satirical television writer, but rather by an anonymous member of the office Green Police. (The two pennies — payment for 2011′s extra energy usage — were then added later by an anonymous member of the office Bullshit Police.)

Did you know?  The "Remaining Time" display on a microwave can use up to 30% more energy than the clock does?  The clock only updates once a minute, flashing the time is much more frequent. So be green. Clear your time when you're done cooking. Every little bit helps.

This is, of course, simply a new strategy in the ongoing war being waged in kitchenettes across the world by the United League of Office Workers Who Have Nothing Better to Complain About.

Please clear any unused time off the microwave when you are finished. Some of us have OCD and leftover time drives us crazy. -Thanks!

related: Some of have OCD and unused microwave time drives us crazy

Tags: dubious scientific claims · energy usage · microwave · Milwaukee · office · questionable logic · The Earth · Wisconsin · WTF?