Entries Tagged as 'office'

Oh, and NOW you tell me

March 31st, 2010 · 112 Comments

As spotted by Brad at a ski lodge in Palmerton, Pennsylvania…

Hamburgers + cheeseburgers contain meat! Cannot be returned!

By Hickepedia at an office in Richmond, Virginia…

Please note: The Microwaves are for food use only!

By Kyle at his apartment building in Los Angeles…

Do not throw objects out the window - this includes flaming towels.  Thank you.

And by Leah at her office in Chicago…

This is NOT hand soap.

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: food · microwave · office · WTF?

What exactly are you trying to say?

March 20th, 2010 · 127 Comments

Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California).

Thank you sooo much for your kind consideration. I hope you enjoy it. And decide to join

Not so at Rocky‘s office in Austin, Texas…but office drama is never too hard to find in the shared fridge.

Please take one (or two) -Thanks  Are you saying I'm FAT?

Of course, you don’t even have to be a sentient being to fall into a similar trap.

If you’ve shopped online at Amazon.com lately, you might have noticed that they’ve starting suggesting using a custom “PayPhrase” to speed up express checkout. After placing a recent order, Rosalie in Seattle did a double-take when she saw the phrase Amazon picked for her.

Rosalie's huge ones

related: Sweet & Lowdown

Tags: food · kinda creepy · office fridge · smartass · stealing · WTF?

The time-tested “sausage, egg and cheese” diet

March 10th, 2010 · 147 Comments

Angie in Columbus, Ohio says this is the second (hilariously) furious fridge note to be posted lately in the office kitchenette. Adds Angie: “Who knew a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich fit into a ‘special diet’?” Perhaps next time the writer could just hop (er, drive) on over to Taco Bell?

Dear Dirty-Rotten Fridge Raider, The following words describe you: -Thief: one that steals especially steathily or secretly -Despicable: so worthless or immoral as to rouse moral indignation -Rude: offensive in manner or action, discourteous -Jerk: an annoyingly stupid or foolish person The breakfast sandwich that you helped yourself to, without permission, was clearly marked with MY NAME and yesterday's date. YOU ARE NOT ME and therefore had no right to help yourself to MY Jimmy Dean, turkey sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich. Which, by the way, I miss dearly. Did you know that it had 250 calories? I did. Because I am on a special diet intended to help me lose weight and lower my cholesterol. Bringing my own food also helps maintain my weekly budget. But now, thanks to you, I have to go to the cafe  and spend money on something that doesn't fit the parameters of my special diet or budget. So thanks and bravo! Yay you!!

related: It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

extra credit: This is why you’re fat.

Tags: bullet points · Columbus · food · obnoxious definition · office fridge · stealing · thanks (but not really) · that's disrespectful

Please refrain from unintentional irony

February 24th, 2010 · 80 Comments

Is it executive exceptionalism at work here? Supreme lack of self-awareness? A wicked sense of humor? You decide.

Exhibit a) from Reva in Reedsburg, Wisconsin

PLEASE Be considerate when placing anything on the board. Don't cover up someone else's ads, posters, etc. Thank you!

Exhibit b) from Peggy at the University of New Brunswick

Fire regulations prohibit the posting of signs and notices on glass in passageways.

Exhibit c) from Jess in San Francisco

NO MORE NOTES!!

related: Please respect my fellow employees and stop leaving notes

Tags: meta · office · rebuttals

The penny is the most passive-aggressive coin.

February 23rd, 2010 · 119 Comments

“Due to budget issues,” writes our submitter from Nashville, “coffee in our office is now funded through donations by those who drink it.” (Cost: 50 cents per cup, on the honor system.)

While some office workers no doubt continue to fill their cups without paying, the passive-aggressives in this office found their own way to convey their distaste for the new policy.

Putting 50 pennies in here is a hostile act.

related: Paying through the spout

extra credit: Phasing out pennies in a bid for change [NPR.org]

Tags: coffee · money · Nashville · office

I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

February 16th, 2010 · 106 Comments

“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: By popular demand, management has agreed to provide a toaster for your use. Please remember to exercise care in using this toaster. Do not leave the toasted unattended. If the toaster is abused - and it will take only one incidence of negligence*** - this toaster will be taken away for good. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. ***I.E. YOU BURN IT, YOU LOSE IT!

Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.

Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative. Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative.

Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!

[365-157] Toast

related: Especially Deborah

extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · kitchen · office · toaster

Starve on!

January 27th, 2010 · 139 Comments

Explains our submitter in New York: “This note is the result of a less-than-enthusiastic holiday food drive. Our office is a gray, lifeless place — what can one expect?”

(I don’t know…maybe some munchkins now and then?)

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who participated in the 2009 Food Drive.  We collected 75 pounds less than the 100 pounds of food required for pick up but I am sure that it will be greatly appreciated by those affected by homelessness, job losses and the elderly. There are three items which are not acceptable donation items.  They have been placed on the table.  Please check if they are from your donation and retrieve them.

related: But what about Hawaiian Shirt Day?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · guilt trip · office · thanks (but not really)

The Munchkins are restless.

January 25th, 2010 · 96 Comments

“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.

...If we were paid COMPETATIVE [sic] WAGES We could afford doughnuts!

UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room of her Ithaca, New York office).

While Mel doesn’t disagree with the sentiment behind the note, “It’s a bit off-putting to be presumed guilty of theft before the fact,” she says. “Also, there seems to be a degree of randomness to the number of exclamation points at the end of each line.” (And of course, that dandy of a sheriff.)

PUT THE DONUT DOWN, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!!

related: Straight out of the Michael Scott Playbook

Tags: bold underlined italics · bullet points · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Illinois · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police

Sweet & Lowdown

January 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Sadly, not everyone shares Angela‘s compassion for the portly.

At Julie’s office in Alexandria, Virginia, one employee decided to formalize his or her grudge against artificial sweeteners (and us fatties who love them) with a little help from the reception desk label-maker. Protests Julie: “Hey, some of us just like our sucralose, okay? Or maybe we’re diabetic!”

How about going to the gym instead?

(In one office break room in the Twin Cities, meanwhile, the sugar packets themselves do the talking…)

USE REAL SUGAR...if you know what's good for you

And across town at a different office in St. Paul, the office manager (“a fitness freak,” according to our submitter) takes the (relatively) constructive approach with her fellow employees — who are, our submitter agrees, “a bunch of lard-ass geeks who don’t exercise.” Um, thanks?

$2 off Exercise DVD: Please use if you can!

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?


Tags: "helpful" advice · hey fatty · office

Kitchen vigilantes

January 11th, 2010 · 94 Comments

Vaguely fishy notes like this one from Toronto are pretty common around office kitchens…

No fish or fish related products in the microwave

…but I’ve never seen a note that gets right to the point quite like this one from Amber in San Francisco.

SPECIALLY THE MEXICAN

related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

Tags: fish · kitchen · microwave · odor · office