Entries Tagged as 'office'

So, you think your office fridge stinks?

April 25th, 2010 · 95 Comments

Well, maybe all you need is a little perspective.

Kelly in Dallas spotted this notice at a metaphysical bookstore in Lewisville, Texas. Apparently, she says, the last time the fridge was defrosted, “they discovered several owl carcasses that were being stored there by the store’s resident Native American healer guy.” (Be careful, this fridge scares easily.)

DO NOT Approach Refridgerator [sic] with knives, screwdrivers or other sharp objects.  NOT for carcass storage  Thank you!

Meanwhile, Belinda assures us that both bunny and cow parts were indeed claimed by her coworkers before the boss’s deadline. (“Only in Wisconsin!” she says.)

To whomever:  Please remove the Rabbit carcasses and Beef livers from this freezer. They will be removed and disposed of if not taken home by this Friday; April 23rd. What's wrong with some people??

If you’ve ever seen the TV show Mythbusters, you won’t find this fridge note from their set too surprising…

No rancid pig tongues; No human body parts filled with noodles

But Becky in Portland, Oregon was definitely surprised when she discovered the warning on the hospital breakroom’s freezer door wasn’t a non sequitur.

Peeled bananas in the freezer = gross!

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

Tags: fridge · odor · office fridge · WTF?

Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry

April 23rd, 2010 · 116 Comments

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Their Sink, My Sink, Your Sink It's against our wishes if you soak your dishes cause the sink's not a soaking place. Quick! Scrub 'em clean-make 'em really gleam. Watch a 'thank you!' smile appear on every face. So don't walk away- don't soak it- just clean it! (Wash it right now! You can finish in a minute!) Cause it's not just your sink, it's their sink and my sink. Please be considerate.  Don't clutter the sink by leaving your items to soak. THANK YOU!

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

A Poem  Wash your dishes It's not that hard You weren't born in a barn Or a stable, or a yard  The sink is too small To have dishes build up It's really not complicated  To wash a small cup  Your housemates aren't your servants Or your keepers, or your mothers Those who wash their own things Needn't worry about the others  When there's only one of something Please keep that in your mind In the sink and dirty Makes things really hard to find  We know we love each other That's nothing to deny So wash your freaking dishes Or I'll stab you in the eye :)

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Please be a dear and do your dishes here for if you do not, the house will be wrought with people dismayed by the mass that's displayed and hence are not able  to dine at the table for lack of clean wishes  restricts their good wishes

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

Soaking Cup Haiku  Dried flecks of cat food Circling the rim of the cup Oh - it's your oatmeal.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

Tags: Atlanta · clip art catastrophe · college life · D.C. · dishes · office · pure poetry · rainbow-colored · roommates · smiley · TL;DR · Winston-Salem

Coffee, mate?

April 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

Not Community Property

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

To the person or persons who continue to consume my Coffee-Mate coffee creamer in spite of my name being clearly marked on the container: PLEASE STOP!!!!

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Dear Coffee Creamer Thief,  What part of DO NOT TOUCH don't you understand? This is NOT your creamer and I know you didn't ask me if you could have some. Get your own coffee creamer! >:( Querido Ladron de Crema! Que parte de NO TOCAR no entiende? Esta no es su crema y yo seque usted no me pregunto si podia tomasla. Compre tu propia crema para cafe!

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

BREAST MILK. Drink at your own risk. : /

URINE sample for my parole officer. Don't Touch.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Tags: California · coffee · New York · Northern Virginia · office fridge · Orlando · piss · stealing · Texas

Truly (worth) discussing

April 6th, 2010 · 125 Comments

Alejandro found this note posted in the men’s toilet of his Santa Monica office building. “All I know is the guy that does this also uses half a roll of TP,” Alejandro says, “so he’s disgusting AND he hates the environment.”

Who ever the guy is that uses this toilet daily and leaves it a mess everyday. Please use the toilet at your house and mess it up. Nobody wants to use this toilet after you shit here. I can imagine what your bathroom looks like at home. The other option would be to have your asshole surgically repositioned so your shit drops straight down like everybody else. If nobody had told you yet, you're a pig, somebody who is truly discussing, and are not fit to use a public toilet. Didn't your mother teach you any manners as a young little pig? At the very least have pity the poor guy who has to scrape and clean your shit off the rim of the toilet daily. When you walk a dog your required to pick up its shit, maybe think of yourself as a filthy mutt, and clean up after your self. God help you when we find out who you are!

UPDATE: Yes, it’s true: women’s toilets are often left in just as “discussing” a state as the one above. As Amanda in Austin recounts: “Somebody at my work had a terribly disgusting accident in the restroom that they did not clean up, and the custodians weren’t too happy. Neither were all the other women in the building. (And though it took place in the handicap-accessible stall, as far as we know, nobody in the building is disabled.)” A trifling matter? I think not.

To the nasty, trifling, inconsiderate inappropriate female, who soiled the handicap accessible bathroom, you should be ashame of yourself. You obviously had an accident, you should at least clean up after yourself as much as possible. It's a shame and a disgrace that the male housekeeper should see such filth from a female! It would be very much appreciated if you would have respect for the bathroom accommodations. Shame on you!!!!!

related: the most disgusting thing

Tags: Austin · California · CAPS LOCK · disgruntled janitor · office · shit · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet

Oh, and NOW you tell me

March 31st, 2010 · 112 Comments

As spotted by Brad at a ski lodge in Palmerton, Pennsylvania…

Hamburgers + cheeseburgers contain meat! Cannot be returned!

By Hickepedia at an office in Richmond, Virginia…

Please note: The Microwaves are for food use only!

By Kyle at his apartment building in Los Angeles…

Do not throw objects out the window - this includes flaming towels.  Thank you.

And by Leah at her office in Chicago…

This is NOT hand soap.

related: Is this a thing now?

Tags: food · microwave · office · WTF?

What exactly are you trying to say?

March 20th, 2010 · 127 Comments

Most office fridge notes — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one (from a cubicle farm in Burbank, California).

Thank you sooo much for your kind consideration. I hope you enjoy it. And decide to join

Not so at Rocky‘s office in Austin, Texas…but office drama is never too hard to find in the shared fridge.

Please take one (or two) -Thanks  Are you saying I'm FAT?

Of course, you don’t even have to be a sentient being to fall into a similar trap.

If you’ve shopped online at Amazon.com lately, you might have noticed that they’ve starting suggesting using a custom “PayPhrase” to speed up express checkout. After placing a recent order, Rosalie in Seattle did a double-take when she saw the phrase Amazon picked for her.

Rosalie's huge ones

related: Sweet & Lowdown

Tags: food · kinda creepy · office fridge · smartass · stealing · WTF?

The time-tested “sausage, egg and cheese” diet

March 10th, 2010 · 147 Comments

Angie in Columbus, Ohio says this is the second (hilariously) furious fridge note to be posted lately in the office kitchenette. Adds Angie: “Who knew a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich fit into a ‘special diet’?” Perhaps next time the writer could just hop (er, drive) on over to Taco Bell?

Dear Dirty-Rotten Fridge Raider, The following words describe you: -Thief: one that steals especially steathily or secretly -Despicable: so worthless or immoral as to rouse moral indignation -Rude: offensive in manner or action, discourteous -Jerk: an annoyingly stupid or foolish person The breakfast sandwich that you helped yourself to, without permission, was clearly marked with MY NAME and yesterday's date. YOU ARE NOT ME and therefore had no right to help yourself to MY Jimmy Dean, turkey sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich. Which, by the way, I miss dearly. Did you know that it had 250 calories? I did. Because I am on a special diet intended to help me lose weight and lower my cholesterol. Bringing my own food also helps maintain my weekly budget. But now, thanks to you, I have to go to the cafe  and spend money on something that doesn't fit the parameters of my special diet or budget. So thanks and bravo! Yay you!!

related: It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich

extra credit: This is why you’re fat.

Tags: bullet points · Columbus · food · obnoxious definition · office fridge · stealing · thanks (but not really) · that's disrespectful

Please refrain from unintentional irony

February 24th, 2010 · 80 Comments

Is it executive exceptionalism at work here? Supreme lack of self-awareness? A wicked sense of humor? You decide.

Exhibit a) from Reva in Reedsburg, Wisconsin

PLEASE Be considerate when placing anything on the board. Don't cover up someone else's ads, posters, etc. Thank you!

Exhibit b) from Peggy at the University of New Brunswick

Fire regulations prohibit the posting of signs and notices on glass in passageways.

Exhibit c) from Jess in San Francisco

NO MORE NOTES!!

related: Please respect my fellow employees and stop leaving notes

Tags: meta · office · rebuttals

The penny is the most passive-aggressive coin.

February 23rd, 2010 · 119 Comments

“Due to budget issues,” writes our submitter from Nashville, “coffee in our office is now funded through donations by those who drink it.” (Cost: 50 cents per cup, on the honor system.)

While some office workers no doubt continue to fill their cups without paying, the passive-aggressives in this office found their own way to convey their distaste for the new policy.

Putting 50 pennies in here is a hostile act.

related: Paying through the spout

extra credit: Phasing out pennies in a bid for change [NPR.org]

Tags: coffee · money · Nashville · office

I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

February 16th, 2010 · 106 Comments

“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: By popular demand, management has agreed to provide a toaster for your use. Please remember to exercise care in using this toaster. Do not leave the toasted unattended. If the toaster is abused - and it will take only one incidence of negligence*** - this toaster will be taken away for good. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. ***I.E. YOU BURN IT, YOU LOSE IT!

Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.

Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative. Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative.

Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!

[365-157] Toast

related: Especially Deborah

extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · kitchen · office · toaster