Entries Tagged as 'office'
“Due to budget issues,” writes our submitter from Nashville, “coffee in our office is now funded through donations by those who drink it.” (Cost: 50 cents per cup, on the honor system.)
While some office workers no doubt continue to fill their cups without paying, the passive-aggressives in this office found their own way to convey their distaste for the new policy.
related: Paying through the spout
extra credit: Phasing out pennies in a bid for change [NPR.org]
Tags: coffee · money · Nashville · office
“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)
Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.
Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!
related: Especially Deborah
extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]
Tags: CAPS LOCK · kitchen · office · toaster
Explains our submitter in New York: “This note is the result of a less-than-enthusiastic holiday food drive. Our office is a gray, lifeless place — what can one expect?”
(I don’t know…maybe some munchkins now and then?)
related: But what about Hawaiian Shirt Day?
Tags: all-staff e-mail · guilt trip · office · thanks (but not really)
“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.
UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room of her Ithaca, New York office).
While Mel doesn’t disagree with the sentiment behind the note, “It’s a bit off-putting to be presumed guilty of theft before the fact,” she says. “Also, there seems to be a degree of randomness to the number of exclamation points at the end of each line.” (And of course, that dandy of a sheriff.)
related: Straight out of the Michael Scott Playbook
Tags: bold underlined italics · bullet points · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Illinois · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police
Sadly, not everyone shares Angela‘s compassion for the portly.
At Julie’s office in Alexandria, Virginia, one employee decided to formalize his or her grudge against artificial sweeteners (and us fatties who love them) with a little help from the reception desk label-maker. Protests Julie: “Hey, some of us just like our sucralose, okay? Or maybe we’re diabetic!”
(In one office break room in the Twin Cities, meanwhile, the sugar packets themselves do the talking…)
And across town at a different office in St. Paul, the office manager (“a fitness freak,” according to our submitter) takes the (relatively) constructive approach with her fellow employees — who are, our submitter agrees, “a bunch of lard-ass geeks who don’t exercise.” Um, thanks?
related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?
Tags: "helpful" advice · hey fatty · office
Vaguely fishy notes like this one from Toronto are pretty common around office kitchens…
…but I’ve never seen a note that gets right to the point quite like this one from Amber in San Francisco.
related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)
Tags: fish · kitchen · microwave · odor · office
Writes our anonymous submitter in Minneapolis: “I received this note — and accompanying tater tots — from a co-worker (a balding, 40-year-old male) who had been making false reports about me to our manager and was caught doing so.” (We’re talking hardcore, premeditated sabotage here, so calling himself “a bit of a jerk” was probably “a bit of an understatement.”)
The strangest part, says our submitter? “I do not work in an establishment that serves tater tots.”
related: Daddy’s little smartass
Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?
Writes James in Chesterfield, Virginia: “Poor Fayette didn’t know that you must remove staples before feeding paper into the copier. Even though she is 70 years old and always brings fresh brownies on Fridays for everyone in the office, someone still felt the need to publicly (and anonymously) humiliate her.”
You know, because a simple “the copier is broken” would leave just too many unanswered questions.
related: Graham, this means you
Tags: office · oh no you didn't · Virginia
“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.
Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.
related: Your BBQ = 9/11
Tags: cry me a freaking river · guilt trip · North Carolina · office fridge
As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous!
related: All I want for Christmas
extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia]
Roundup of stolen Baby Jesus reports [Wonkette]
Baby Jesus found! [FOUND Magazine]
Tags: Christmas · Columbus · holiday spirit · i before e · Jesus · office fridge · rhetorical question · spelling and grammar police · stealing · TL;DR