Entries Tagged as 'office'

Please refrain from unintentional irony

February 24th, 2010 · 80 Comments

Is it executive exceptionalism at work here? Supreme lack of self-awareness? A wicked sense of humor? You decide.

Exhibit a) from Reva in Reedsburg, Wisconsin

PLEASE Be considerate when placing anything on the board. Don't cover up someone else's ads, posters, etc. Thank you!

Exhibit b) from Peggy at the University of New Brunswick

Fire regulations prohibit the posting of signs and notices on glass in passageways.

Exhibit c) from Jess in San Francisco

NO MORE NOTES!!

related: Please respect my fellow employees and stop leaving notes

Tags: meta · office · rebuttals

The penny is the most passive-aggressive coin.

February 23rd, 2010 · 119 Comments

“Due to budget issues,” writes our submitter from Nashville, “coffee in our office is now funded through donations by those who drink it.” (Cost: 50 cents per cup, on the honor system.)

While some office workers no doubt continue to fill their cups without paying, the passive-aggressives in this office found their own way to convey their distaste for the new policy.

Putting 50 pennies in here is a hostile act.

related: Paying through the spout

extra credit: Phasing out pennies in a bid for change [NPR.org]

Tags: coffee · money · Nashville · office

I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

February 16th, 2010 · 106 Comments

“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: By popular demand, management has agreed to provide a toaster for your use. Please remember to exercise care in using this toaster. Do not leave the toasted unattended. If the toaster is abused - and it will take only one incidence of negligence*** - this toaster will be taken away for good. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. ***I.E. YOU BURN IT, YOU LOSE IT!

Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.

Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative. Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative.

Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!

[365-157] Toast

related: Especially Deborah

extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · kitchen · office · toaster

Starve on!

January 27th, 2010 · 139 Comments

Explains our submitter in New York: “This note is the result of a less-than-enthusiastic holiday food drive. Our office is a gray, lifeless place — what can one expect?”

(I don’t know…maybe some munchkins now and then?)

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who participated in the 2009 Food Drive.  We collected 75 pounds less than the 100 pounds of food required for pick up but I am sure that it will be greatly appreciated by those affected by homelessness, job losses and the elderly. There are three items which are not acceptable donation items.  They have been placed on the table.  Please check if they are from your donation and retrieve them.

related: But what about Hawaiian Shirt Day?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · guilt trip · office · thanks (but not really)

The Munchkins are restless.

January 25th, 2010 · 96 Comments

“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.

...If we were paid COMPETATIVE [sic] WAGES We could afford doughnuts!

UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room of her Ithaca, New York office).

While Mel doesn’t disagree with the sentiment behind the note, “It’s a bit off-putting to be presumed guilty of theft before the fact,” she says. “Also, there seems to be a degree of randomness to the number of exclamation points at the end of each line.” (And of course, that dandy of a sheriff.)

PUT THE DONUT DOWN, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!!

related: Straight out of the Michael Scott Playbook

Tags: bold underlined italics · bullet points · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Illinois · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police

Sweet & Lowdown

January 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Sadly, not everyone shares Angela‘s compassion for the portly.

At Julie’s office in Alexandria, Virginia, one employee decided to formalize his or her grudge against artificial sweeteners (and us fatties who love them) with a little help from the reception desk label-maker. Protests Julie: “Hey, some of us just like our sucralose, okay? Or maybe we’re diabetic!”

How about going to the gym instead?

(In one office break room in the Twin Cities, meanwhile, the sugar packets themselves do the talking…)

USE REAL SUGAR...if you know what's good for you

And across town at a different office in St. Paul, the office manager (“a fitness freak,” according to our submitter) takes the (relatively) constructive approach with her fellow employees — who are, our submitter agrees, “a bunch of lard-ass geeks who don’t exercise.” Um, thanks?

$2 off Exercise DVD: Please use if you can!

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?


Tags: "helpful" advice · hey fatty · office

Kitchen vigilantes

January 11th, 2010 · 94 Comments

Vaguely fishy notes like this one from Toronto are pretty common around office kitchens…

No fish or fish related products in the microwave

…but I’ve never seen a note that gets right to the point quite like this one from Amber in San Francisco.

SPECIALLY THE MEXICAN

related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

Tags: fish · kitchen · microwave · odor · office

Napoleon Dynamite Complex

January 4th, 2010 · 96 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter in Minneapolis: “I received this note — and accompanying tater tots — from a co-worker (a balding, 40-year-old male) who had been making false reports about me to our manager and was caught doing so.” (We’re talking hardcore, premeditated sabotage here, so calling himself “a bit of a jerk” was probably “a bit of an understatement.”)

Sorry. I know tater tots don't exactly make up for being a bit of a jerk to you, but I hope it helps a little.

The strangest part, says our submitter? “I do not work in an establishment that serves tater tots.”

related: Daddy’s little smartass

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

Vindictive much?

December 19th, 2009 · 105 Comments

Writes James in Chesterfield, Virginia: “Poor Fayette didn’t know that you must remove staples before feeding paper into the copier. Even though she is 70 years old and always brings fresh brownies on Fridays for everyone in the office, someone still felt the need to publicly (and anonymously) humiliate her.”

You know, because a simple “the copier is broken” would leave just too many unanswered questions.

Yes, Fayette broke the copier. You will need to place the paper on the glass until the feeder can be repaired.

related: Graham, this means you

Tags: office · oh no you didn't · Virginia

A bitter pill to swallow

December 17th, 2009 · 123 Comments

“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.

To the one who tossed my bottles while I was on vacation - Shame on You! The small bottle I used to dissolve my medical pills after lunch. Today I could not take them because my bottle was gone.

Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.

related: Your BBQ = 9/11

Tags: cry me a freaking river · guilt trip · North Carolina · office fridge