Entries Tagged as 'office'

Kitchen vigilantes

January 11th, 2010 · 94 Comments

Vaguely fishy notes like this one from Toronto are pretty common around office kitchens…

No fish or fish related products in the microwave

…but I’ve never seen a note that gets right to the point quite like this one from Amber in San Francisco.

SPECIALLY THE MEXICAN

related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

Tags: fish · kitchen · microwave · odor · office

Napoleon Dynamite Complex

January 4th, 2010 · 96 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter in Minneapolis: “I received this note — and accompanying tater tots — from a co-worker (a balding, 40-year-old male) who had been making false reports about me to our manager and was caught doing so.” (We’re talking hardcore, premeditated sabotage here, so calling himself “a bit of a jerk” was probably “a bit of an understatement.”)

Sorry. I know tater tots don't exactly make up for being a bit of a jerk to you, but I hope it helps a little.

The strangest part, says our submitter? “I do not work in an establishment that serves tater tots.”

related: Daddy’s little smartass

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

Vindictive much?

December 19th, 2009 · 105 Comments

Writes James in Chesterfield, Virginia: “Poor Fayette didn’t know that you must remove staples before feeding paper into the copier. Even though she is 70 years old and always brings fresh brownies on Fridays for everyone in the office, someone still felt the need to publicly (and anonymously) humiliate her.”

You know, because a simple “the copier is broken” would leave just too many unanswered questions.

Yes, Fayette broke the copier. You will need to place the paper on the glass until the feeder can be repaired.

related: Graham, this means you

Tags: office · oh no you didn't · Virginia

A bitter pill to swallow

December 17th, 2009 · 123 Comments

“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.

To the one who tossed my bottles while I was on vacation - Shame on You! The small bottle I used to dissolve my medical pills after lunch. Today I could not take them because my bottle was gone.

Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.

related: Your BBQ = 9/11

Tags: cry me a freaking river · guilt trip · North Carolina · office fridge

“What if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus?”

December 16th, 2009 · 214 Comments

As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous!

Dear Sir (or Madam), While taking things that do not belong to you, at any point in the year, is highly unacceptable, doing so during the Christmas season is far more dissapointing [sic]. I mean, what if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus? You would have ruined the whole holiday instead of just mine by taking my delicious Lean Cuisines (yes plural). All I can say is that you have now doomed yourself to at best a lump of cole [sic] + at worst Salmonella! Happy Holidays, Theif [sic]!!

related: All I want for Christmas

extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia]
Roundup of stolen Baby Jesus reports [Wonkette]
Baby Jesus found! [FOUND Magazine]

Tags: Christmas · Columbus · holiday spirit · i before e · Jesus · office fridge · rhetorical question · spelling and grammar police · stealing · TL;DR

RSV-f’ing-P. Comprenez-vous?

December 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

“Our office manager was upset that people weren’t responding promptly enough to the Christmas party invitation,” says our submitter in San Diego.

In keeping with the holiday spirit of things, the office manager  apparently channeled that anger into the posting of this (uncredited) About.com excerpt in the office kitchen, for the edification of all. How that’s for savoir faire?

The term RSVP comes from the French expression "répondez s'il vous plaît", meaning "please respond". If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation.

related: An evening of congenial abnormality

Tags: Christmas · etiquette · it's my party · obnoxious definition · office · party planning committee · San Diego

Raging against the pinball machine

December 6th, 2009 · 123 Comments

A parable of the state of the “hot dot-com” workplace in 2009: The story goes, according to our anonymous submitter in California:

Some executive-level person decided to put a pinball machine into our break area. After several months, someone must have complained about the noise, because a note went up telling us it was not to be played. When some employees decided to play the machine at 7 AM (assuming nobody in the building was in), the note was replaced by a new (more specific) note.

Pinball Machine is NOT to be played at any time. Thank you!

After that, “the machine was unplugged and left to gather dust,” our submitter says…and to silently taunt all of the office’s embittered would-be pinball wizards. Until, one day…multiball!

The Pinball Machine is SOLELY TO BE LOOKED AT. And also to post notes on Not to play pinball.

related: “Popcorn Thursday”

Tags: California · note wars · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals

Pomp and Circumvent

November 18th, 2009 · 155 Comments

Who needs a water cooler? Nothing fosters “community” like shared networked printers! Need proof?

First up, an anonymous submission from a cubicle farm in Rochester Hills, Michigan. (Not pictured, our submitter says: two additional copies of the same “Pomptly” note to the left and right of the original.)

Passiveaggressivenotes.com: fun with community printers

And from Illinois…

Passiveaggressivenotes.com: the joys of shared printers

From Omaha, Nebraska…

Passiveaggressivenotes.com: the office printer has a dream,

(And from Brooklyn…and just about everywhere else, from Glastonbury, Connecticut to Geneva, Switzerland.)

Meanwhile, Melissa from San Francisco was recently at the D.C. bureau of a news magazine for a press meeting, but being a devoted PAN-ista, she managed to sneak out of the conference room while the coast was clear to make sure she could capture this shot for us. (So please excuse the blurriness.)

environmental backlash

related: this is not positive communication

Tags: note wars · office · oh snap · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police · The Earth · the printer

Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…

November 15th, 2009 · 150 Comments

Perhaps Dirty Lady #2 got an office job?

passiveaggressivenotes.com: Ladies, let's all take really good baths

related: the most disgusting thing is a nasty lady

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · hygiene · odor · office

The half-donut bandit

October 28th, 2009 · 203 Comments

As we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.

While the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from Omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. I’d also be interested to see his advice for Mike in Cleveland, who seems to have similar delusions about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of 10.

(click the image below to enlarge)

passivaggressivenotes.com:

The kicker? As it turns out, according to our anonymous submitter,”the bandit was, in fact, a guy!”

related: Just take the whole slice next time, okay?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · food · office · pleasantries as afterthought