Entries Tagged as 'office'

Your vest smells like beaver mustard

August 31st, 2009 · 112 Comments

Today’s post is dedicated to the dirty minds in the department of double entendres. (Hey there, commenters!)

The first note, as spotted by Dana in San Francisco, needs no further introduction.

Who absconded with my beaver mustard?!!

Next up: Michelle in Orlando says this note was posted on the employee mailboxes at the theme park where she works. “Our uniforms include a vest made of wool,” Michelle explains, “and when the vests get wet they smell (fittingly) like wet animal.”

Dear Thief, Thank you for taking my umbrella!

related: covering all the bases

Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · office · p.s. · sad face · smiley · stealing · thanks (but not really)

Frig you, ya big goof

August 19th, 2009 · 126 Comments

This note, from Michelle in Denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.

“This bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible,” Michelle says. “On the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. This is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”

To the person who help themselves to my entire carton of eggs. I saw what you did and I know who you are. I sit 10 steps from the frig [sic] ya big good. The jig is up pal But hang on. Today is your lucky day. I'm not going to say a word to anyone. But moving forward if so much as a grape goes missing from either refrigerator, then I'm going to HR. Have a nice day :)

related: ABP on the V8

Tags: Denver · food · have a nice day · message to all intended for one · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · smiley

The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

August 11th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Who knew? Apparently, every office has at least one person with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall.

From Florida:

Hey Boogermeister, This isn't a gas station in Hazzard County; this is a place of work. How about blowing your nose in a tissue like most evolved humans, instead of picking it and wiping it all over the place? Your cooperation is much appreciated.

From Georgia:

The Wall — Good For: Holding up the Ceiling. Not Good For: Wiping your boogers

From a hospital (!) in Washington, D.C.

Is this your booger collection? If so please consider taking it down and back home with you (or are you walls simply too full of your snot by now?). It is clear that you have some personal hygiene self-respect issues that you need to resolve. Please seek appropriate counseling and follow up.

[Read more →]

Tags: bathroom · grow up · hygiene · most popular notes of 2009 · nose-picking · office · that's disgusting

Why Facebook is sooo gonna get you fired

August 10th, 2009 · 163 Comments

Even more dangerous than friending your parents on Facebook?  Friending a) your boss and b) the cubicle-mate you kinda can’t stand.

Exhibit a)
facebook is soooo gonna get your ass fired

Exhibit b)

Whoops! Forgot I friended you!

Exhibit c)

get off facebook, por favor

And Exhibit d) (via “the Internet”)

facebook is sooo gonna get your ass fired

related: Busted by facebook

extra credit: Study says Facebook is like, totally ruining your life …and gonna get you fired [mashable]

Tags: Facebook · most popular notes of 2009 · office · oh snap

Okay, now you’re just screwing with me

August 5th, 2009 · 129 Comments

This is one of those notes I’ve spent far too long puzzling over. The frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?

Who Broke the 8th commandment. My 2 Baby Ruth Candy Bars are missing

Sir/ma’am, I will gladly supply you with as many Baby Ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought process that led to this note.

related: and yet…the pink flowers?

Tags: candy · God · irregular capitalization · New York · office · stealing · WTF? · You call that punctuation?

Is drawing with MS Paint ever really necessary?

August 2nd, 2009 · 116 Comments

I didn’t think office sign illustration could get more gratuitous than this guy, but then Corinna in Seattle came through with this.

Leave the toilet seat clean and dry

(Add a few hand-drawn penises and you’ve got yourself a Perez Hilton special!)

related: maybe next time you should try power point?

Tags: bathroom · office · piss · toilet · unnecessary illustration

A lunch thief with serious balls

July 19th, 2009 · 124 Comments

Kim in Canberra says this A3-sized missive was posted in numerous locations on all four floors of her building. Of this numbered list, I’d say #3 is what puts it over the top.

On a related note:  Did you know the word “avocado” comes from the Aztec word for testicle? (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Dear Avocado-stealer, I hope you enjoyed my avocado, the one I left (4th floor) for my lunch yesterday (Tuesday 13th May). Beyond my frustration not to find my lunch, I would like to say this: 1. I work hard to buy my food, I put effort in going to the shop to select it, why don't you? 2. If you are a

related: Who moved my cheese?

extra credit: Someone is stealing avocados, and guac cops are on the case [nytimes.com]

Tags: Australia · Canberra · college life · martyr complex · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Oh! Shit!

July 15th, 2009 · 168 Comments

Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

DO NOT PUT ANY!!! FECES IN THIS CONTAINER!!!!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”

IF YOU SHIT!! THEN YOU SPRAY!!

Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · Pennsylvania · shit · Texas

You’re not wrong, Walter

July 13th, 2009 · 132 Comments

Writes Justin in Iowa: “This was written by a coworker of mine last winter, and covers three sides of the tissue box. The tissues are long gone, but the box was apparently worth saving, and remains on the desk five months later.”

Passive Aggressive Puffs Plus

The full text: I had a cold/cough & I decided to buy some Puffs kleenex w/ lotion. Believe it or not, they’re not cheap so I’m not sharing. But hey, they still have some at the store so you could always go buy your own you know. Seriously, only because these are a little costly I’m not sharing, otherwise, you’d be all good. But again, they’re not CHEAP! How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever”? B/c my last box… OMG! got used up so fast & it wasn’t even by me! I was so hot about it, and I know you can afford it b/c I can. I know you’re not broke b/c you work the same place I do, am I right or am I right?

related: suck on this

Tags: Iowa · money · office · sharing is caring

I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 Comments

This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…

thanks a HELL of a lot for using almost ALL of my new half & half!! Now I, who gets up at 3 am to be here by 4:45 and drives almost 45 minutes w/o coffee, won't get ANY

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)